About

When your little boy, your first video game is your dick.

I love the fact that when you give a woman beautiful diamond you're pretty much saying "Yeah, this caused some havoc in the third world."

If a chick your fucking screams "harder! harder! " she really means by that is BIGGER BIGGER I CANT FEEL YOUR DICK. What you need to hears is grunts and moans. Then you know you have a keeper.

We don't relate to Superman, because he's an alien. And Lois Lane has practically fucked ET. To me, she's the biggest race trader in history. She's gross.

"If I put a girl on my shoulders at a show, she's turning around, I'm going nose to muff. I can't eat pussy with the back of my neck, I got enough problems in my life."

I don't know what chicks see in guys... If I was a chick I'd either eat pussy or kill myself.

I am basically shit, wiped on toast, and forced into the mouth of a sick kid."

I got a 3.5 grade point average.
Out of a hundred.

You drive through a safari park and a monkey will land on your windshield and jerk off to your wife and finish right in front of your kids.

If anyone is going to be drug tested here is what to do.
Get a great big giant glass of water, and the Want Ads cause you waited too long to pass that son of a bitch.

I don't get embarrassed. I don't fuckin' have time for it.

If I could have sex with any historical figure who would it be? The Virgin Mary.

Facebook has turned this world into High School.

"Everyone is anti-abortion, until they knock up a fat chick"

Dont worry about that roast beef thats been sitting out all day...its ok...its been under this red lightbulb.

Kids literally kill me. I look at ‘em and they just crack me up. To me, my favorite thing in the whole world is a kid will just come over, doesn’t even have to be your kid, they’ll hand you a book as if to say “You know what to do with this thing.” They’ll just hand you a book! And I’ll just take it from ‘em, going “You think this interests me? I read novels. Dr. Steve just fuckin’ sent me a book on Physics meeting the conscious mind. You think I give a fuck about Goodnight Moon? Ah, fuck it, get up here, I’ll read you Goodnight Moon.”

If I was James Cameron and won the Oscar I would go "This one is for Starship Troopers".

If I were Bob Marley, or any of the Jamaicans, and when they showed Haiti on the news, I'd say, "Wait, is that our neighborhood?

If you're Catholic, then Catholic prayers for Hati; the rest of you stay out of it. I don't want you annoying God with your protestant babble.

Not all elephants are the same! The Asian elephants have tilted eyes

Why does God always pick Son of Sam. Maybe I need to talk to dogs and kill people to have God like me.

If you sit next to me while we watch a porno dont put your hand in the popcorn.

If you had to ask most people to name 3 golfers, they would say "Tiger Woods and the 2 white guys he crushed"

You would be walking around with lil electric chairs hanging on chains around your neck, if Jesus were killed today

Every time I'm in St Louis I say Lets go to the Giant McDonald's..but there isn't one..thats something they do to fuck with people.

Why can't you kill yourself slowly the way I been doing. Just constantly try to kill yourself through pleasure. Endless amounts of pleasures, one after another. And in a way everyone's like, well he wouldn't give up. Everyone told him not to, but he keep's going on.

Do you know in dog years, you're dead?

Dahmar was eating people way before Atkins, way before.

I really think I can do brain surgery, if someone just gives me the chance. I don’t know, I just have this hunch.

The only people that can read my writing are Egyptians. And I’m not trying to do that. If I don’t know how spell something, I’ll just draw a picture.

Sometimes I wish you guys were closer to me and I need heavier things to throw at you .[/image]

To teach third grade all you need is a fourth grade education.

Found this great site if you like rim jobs,
http://www.rim.com/careers/

Here we are. We're all basically dropped on a desert island...This is it. This is all we have and we're all gonna fight? Can you imagine if you're fuckin' ship crashed on a desert island and there's 15 of you and you started killing each other. That would be a ridiculous thing, right? Why are we killing each other on this planet? And why is that seen as the only solution on this planet? What the fuck is wrong with this species, that we live here basically on Eden, and we've treated it basically like a donicker, like a shithole?

"If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it!"-Epictetus.

Didn't feel the earthquake. Was too deeply involved in The Black Keys and how good this gum is

Coins other than quarters can shut up

jerk is an underrated word

If a women gives you a firm handshake, it's her way of saying, 'We're never gonna have sex.

One time I was stealing from a music store and the?"
Store clerk asked me " Is that a record in your pants?"
I said, I don't know if it's a record, but it's kinda thick...

The one thing on Pulp Fiction that fuckin' drove me insane was that fuckin' French girl wasn't killed by Bruce Willis. 'Mother Fucker. I was just in a gun fight. I just killed John Travolta in my apartment.' I would have rather have gone back into that basement with the gimp and Zed and be fucked by them, then fuck that French chick. 'Can you give me oral pleasure and give my blueberry pancakes?' Fuck I would have killed her. I wish Tarantino would go back and fix that movie like George Lucas did with Star Wars. Maybe you could have Bruce Willis marry Greedo.

I was at a Movie and yelled out smile and blow me years before Mel said it, but it is his line.
Whoever gets it to TMZ first gets the credit.
come to think of it, at the same theater watching Independence day I yelled out "this blows" and started cheering for the Aliens.

Any time one of your buddies tries the old "smell my finger line" remember to respond with. "That's your own ass. Don't try to fool me."

My folks said it was OK for us to drink, down in the cellar. I don't know why, as long as it was down there. 'You can drink, as long as you don't do drugs down there.' Yeah right, Ma. We were tripping our balls off down there. You just heard the whole Pink Floyd catalog. What do you think we are doing down here?

I guess the cross was Jesus's kryptonite. Everyone has a kryptonite. Superman had a kryptonite, which oddly enough was kryptonite.

If we got the idea to fly from birds, why don't airports look like nests?

Who doesn't like the taste of beer as a kid. It tasted like adulthood. It tasted like freedom.

About the world cup...How could there be a sport where Asians can beat blacks ?

There is nothing stupider in the world than a teenage boy. I mean nothing. You can take a drunk polar bear and it'd still be smarter than a teenage boy. Yea Iam a father.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX" Sorry, Iam not adding anymore dick avatars to the friends list, I get it that its a porn site and you want to show your cock.( or a more delicious looking hog then yours to pass off like it is yours to feed your ego). But i have to admit when i get a row of hard on pics on my friend request i think its some of my friends spamming my phone as a joke and it confuses me. "XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh my god this site is run like two pigs butt-fuckin and squealin their way to oblivion

Thats enough random shit.