Thank you, President Trump!

Dear Donald Trump,

Please allow us to thank you, for all you’ve done for the adult industry in the past few years. You may not have intended it, but his endless history of dalliances with adult industry stars has lead to a record year for xHamster — our search traffic is up 232% since Inauguration Day!

That’s why this weekend, we’ve bought two billboards — one in Miami, and one near Mar-a-Lago in West Palm Beach — to publicly thank you for all his help. Happy Easter, Mr. Trump!

You didn’t do it through tariffs, or publicly attacking our competitors, or by having one of your spokespeople give us a shout-out on live tv (we wish! — Kellyanne, call us!), but by making household names out of so many people in our industry.

In the past two years, every time a new girlfriend has come forward, or a new porn name has surfaced, hundreds of thousands of new people have flock to us to try and find out more about your tastes. Dads and moms and evangelical who never thought of coming to a porn site suddenly end up on xHamster, looking for Stormy Daniels, but staying for the BBW and amateur GILFs. We’ve never seen anything like it.

Our overall traffic is up an astounding 45% since January 2017. Our search traffic has climbed 232%, and our new users are up 303%. Even traffic in DC is up — over 71% from the Obama administration.

The traffic surge began with your Playboy softcore video, and continued with your debate shout-out to Alicia Machado. Then came Jessica Drake, and Stormy Daniels, and Alana Evans, and Karen McDougal. And we’re not even counting the pee tape, the Melania nude photoshoot, or the endless Trump porn parodies.

Your evangelical base may find it hard to stomach, but we haven’t seen year-over-year traffic numbers like this in almost a decade. We’ve actually had to hire extra staff members to help us better optimize. Those are real Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Not to mention all the tremendously talented women — including our own Blair Williams — who have built successful careers impersonating your ‘hot’ daughter.

So Mr. Trump, thank you. We’re firmly behind your #MAGA — you truly have Made ADULT Great Again. Four more years of this, and we’ll be bigger than Fox! And then maybe you’ll be live-tweeting us!

Alex Hawkins
Vice President, xHamster
[email protected]

发布者 xHamster

6 年前

请或以发表评论

firstknightd 2 年前

Name one person. Just one who was charged with insurrection. He has been investigated more than anyone in history and they have yet to find any proof of these so-called fragrant crimes. You just keep listening to your spin doctors who thrive on the ignorant to survive.

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Shadyterri 3 年前

Thanks Mr. Hawkins. At least trump did something right.

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throatman4use 4 年前

Bravo to you, Mr. Hawkins. Just beware your competition, Ashley Madison, doesn't cotton on to your idea. They'll have a billboard that says, "Making Adultery Great Again".

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throatman4use 4 年前

至 reflex1 : The article points that out.

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throatman4use 4 年前

至 lionsdare : Hey, some guys are into both: Kelly Ann AND people with bags over their heads. Win-Win, imo, ;{O)

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lionsdare 4 年前

至 dirtyoldbiman : have to put a bag over kellyannes head lol

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lionsdare 4 年前

至 Gnomeworld : you are right about that, probably the whole world too

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Gnomeworld 4 年前

Americans are truly fucked.

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LOL, at least her picked good looking women. I'd do his wife and Daughter anytime. Kellyanne only anal just to listen to her, lol

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frozenfrog 4 年前

MAGA! jobs matter that is all it is about JOBS!

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ctmarriedman 5 年前

至 reflex1 : Awesome!

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ctmarriedman 5 年前

Awesome

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put sister and mom together, that's 88% - the Don doesn't care about age - just looks and they can't be fuckin prego!!

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bathrobe_man 5 年前

Even though I don`t think the guys elevator touches all the floors, this is pretty funny.

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reflex1 5 年前

Keep your political opinions to yourself. There are more conservatives here than you realize.

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Bravo, guys

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MPLSbiGUY 6 年前

lol Beautifully done! - Dave

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KCUM 6 年前

'Scuse me, being a limey, I didn't think you Yanks did irony so enlighten please. Are you taking the piss or are you really thanking him? It looks like a piss-take but then again, why wouldn't you thank him for +200%

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that's so kind

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micro1313 6 年前

Friends won't comment, but be careful what you wish for.... TRUMP may just be watching you.... and now me.... if fpl were free, we would probably be cast as part of some cuban embargo.

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micro1313 6 年前

至 trof : that just mean if both are the same, without fucking your aunt, your uncle could only be, your nephew. (its a joke implying there's a mathematical equation for every member of the family)

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micro1313 6 年前

28 years of this and we will have our economy rising again and our savings account gaining 5.7APR again with minimal CD input. the right thing fucked up everyones bank account, and the right thing led to a dog making more money than trump in a single hotel doggy session. Trust me, obama should have fired his wife when she spent 247,000 on a fucking puddle with its own hotel room.

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micro1313 6 年前

Let's face it. He's going to earn his name as a bully, a procrastinator, a brutal jerk, but he has yet to break a single law or even word. He has been, not only putting HIS OWN MONEY, on the line since day one, but his very soul, into his job. He does not HAVE to tweet anyone, or anything. NOR does he have to do anything except on sundays when which he is expected to tend to his own personal family roles. He works on salary to do what he does and he still does it great. No one expected him to do his job quietly and democratically. We voted in one of the richest business names in the world because the last democratic politition we put in office to "do the right thing", fucked us harder that a black steed and the "right thing" just merely avoided having our economy crippled. The right thing is only affordable when rich people don't lose their money or get shot whilst regretting the right thing. Believe me. Trump is LEGACY.

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micro1313 6 年前

至 Olivia32117 : if it's military time, it's only right twice. (once on the dile, and that time you mentioned it)

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GIFinest 6 年前

Fuck Trump! But make that money xHamster!

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