I want to come out!

Ok, so I have a boyfriend. He's like my "secret" boyfriend. When we go out, we're strait, but at home, we couldn't be more gay for each other. I love when he holds me, makes me the little spoon, I dress up for him, whatever he wants. I like to dress up like a girl, pretty panties sun dresses, or skirts, pigtails with bows, anything he wants. But, that's at home. I want to express myself! outside! everywhere! I do little things that make me feel comfortable, like wearing rainbow colored bracelets when I go to the store, or, lighten my step a little, even making my voice lighter, and smiling a lot. I don't get noticed very much. I was visiting my Boyfriends house the other day and realized I had on my rainbow colored hair ties around my wrist, I slipped them off before his mom or dad could see. I was mad at myself for not being myself! I think my parents know, but I'm not sure. I KNOW my sister knows, and she's accepting. I just want to be me!!! I just want to feel free! I live in a state that is not so forgiving of these beliefs, and actions. and I cannot change that. I also work in a field that is not so forgiving. But can't a Gurl have a good time??? I want to go out I want to have fun I want to dance and sing and love! So many emotions are tearing through me, I feel happy, I feel sad, I want so much to be happy. Am I crazy?