Things I wish I had done differently in my life

When I was in my 20s and married to my first wife , I came home and found a black guy fucking her. He had her on the dining room table with an ankle in each hand putting it to her. When he saw me he started to pull out and I remember her telling him "no, no, don't stop". I was young and full of myself back then and divorced her. I couldn't help but get hard and jerk off whenever I thought of his black ass pumping between my wife's white thighs and by the strokes he was taking I know he was putting twice as much in her than I could have ever given her. I later found out she was fucking every guy in town. I didn't even know what a cuckold was then but she was definitely cuckolding me.I would love that now.
I was in my 40s when I met my present wife, I had told her about my first wife and she said she had dated black guys in college but they weren't that big and didn't do that much for her.Think she was just telling me that to not hurt my feelings. I told her it turned me on knowing she had ,had black cock in her white pussy and I asked her if she let them cum in her, she said she did and I told her that really turned me on. She even admitted before her and her first husband were married she had him take her to New York to have an abortion because she didn't know if the baby was his or a black guys.
Years later when we were living together she got pregnant again and had another abortion because she had her k**s raised and didn't want to start another family in her 40s. Later I found out when she was spending a weekend at her daughters while I was working, after a few too many wines she let her black son-in-laws younger brother fuck her, several times. I think the baby was probably his and she didn't want me to find out.Now I wish she had kept it and we could have raised it. Know I am weird but I would loved to raise the black man's c***d that impregnated my wife.