Am I Tight Enough for Him?
Q: I have been divorced for almost three years now. I have been in a new relationship for three months. An old friend I dated only several times. We had to go off to different colleges and lost touch.
We recently became sexually active. I am thoroughly enjoying intimacy with my new partner but he seems to have difficulty climaxing inside of me. He has come during intercourse maybe two times. I am worried that after three vaginal childbirths, I am not as tight as I’d like to be. We have discussed this since we are very close and open with each other. He says I’m just perfect for him.
His ex-wife cheated on him while he was deployed in Afghanistan and I’m wondering if that is the issue or if it’s me.
A: Please believe him when he tells you that you are perfect for him. He has no reason to lie to you about this. Vaginas are quite elastic and really good at bouncing back after childhood. Nonetheless, some women do feel a bit more “loose” down there. But, if he says it feels good, then believe him. Several things may be going on here. Since it is a new sexual relationship, he may need some time to feel completely safe (so yes, maybe the fact that his ex cheated is a factor). Or maybe he got used to one form of stimulation (masturbation) and so he needs time to adjust to another form of stimulation. The more pressure he feels to ejaculate, the less likely it is to happen, so not making a big deal about this is important. Some men also have their preferences to what feels the best to them (like women do as well), so it’s possible that he can orgasm with oral sex, but not as easily with intercourse.
Trouble With Orgasm
Q: Hey, two weeks ago my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. The problem is that, no matter how much we try, I can’t have an orgasm. Lately, it also getting harder to make him orgasm. Do you have any tips for us on what we could do??
A: Sometimes it takes time to figure out what you need in order to reach orgasm. Please note that the majority of women do not orgasm through intercourse alone. They need clitoral stimulation, which is why foreplay is really important for women. Also, the funny thing about orgasms is that the harder you try, the more you worry about getting there, the least likely you are to get there. A relaxed mind and body are necessary. As for your boyfriend and his ability to orgasm, this may be due to his practice of masturbation. He may be very used to one form of stimulation and it may take a bit of time for him to get used to another form, like intercourse. Be assured that this has nothing to do with you or your abilities. Both of you need to stop putting pressure on yourselves to orgasm and simply enjoy your journey!
Cannot Get Hard With My Girlfriend
Q: How come I cannot get hard with my girlfriend? I am very sexually attracted to her and masturbate to her pictures but when we make out and get in bed, I do not get an erection. I do finger her and play with her vagina and love doing it. It’s embarrassing not being able to get anything from her when she says she wants to do it. BTW I can get an erection on my own time, I am 18, I have no sexual experience besides the playing with my girlfriend’s vagina, my penis has never been touched by anyone besides me, and I am very attracted to her. Please help!!
A: Does this also happen when your partner touches your penis? If so, it sounds to me like you may have what we call “performance anxiety.” This is when your worry about getting an erection, or your worries about having sex, etc. affect your ability to get and/or maintain your erection. For more information on this, please check out the blog post on this site that deals with this.
Pleasuring Me is Difficult
Q: I don’t get pleasured by my husband but I don’t have a problem pleasing myself. I feel bad because he really tries to get me there.
A: The fact that you can pleasure yourself to orgasm is good news! Now you need to teach your husband what you need. Let him watch how you do it. Make sure that he applies the same type of touch or pressure to your clitoral area as you do. Note that 75% of women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone.