Trouble Staying Erect
Q: I’m a female and my boyfriend of 15 years has an issue with staying erect during sex, even oral, anal, or vaginal. I don’t get it. We have great sex and I’m down for anything. We use toys and porn, or I’ll give him oral for an hour, but he won’t come. Then he loses his erection throughout and gets agitated if I accidentally do something too hard or do something wrong. Is it me? I feel unattractive to him. It’s been a problem almost the whole time, except for our early years together, when it would only happen if he drank. Now it’s all the time…it’s left me so insecure. I’m now 49, and he’s 37. I’m really having a mental issue with this. Can you shed some light on this, and tell me if it’s normal?
A: It sounds like something is going on with your boyfriend and it doesn’t sound like it’s about you, or what you are or aren’t doing. After 15 years in a relationship, both of you should know what pleases each other sexually. I totally understand how this can make you feel completely undesired. Is it possible that he masturbates a lot and therefore, when he tries to have sex with you it is not working? Sometimes men who watch a lot of porn, over a period of many years, have trouble getting aroused with a real-life partner. But it’s not about the partner and more about the kind of stimulation the person has been exposed to or has engaged in. The best option for the two of you is to see a sex therapist who can assess the situation and help you figure out what is going on. Not doing anything about this will only lead to more frustration and resentment.
Making My Partner Orgasm
Q: Hello. I have two questions. Is there any video you can send me or special tips for making my girlfriend cum faster, or even several times? I want to be the best at both fucking and fingering her. Also, are there any tips on how to motivate my girlfriend to learn how to suck my dick properly?
A: I realize you want to be a great lover to your girlfriend, and the best way to do that is to listen to what she needs and how she needs to be touched. This means you have to have conversations about sex. It typically takes women longer to reach orgasm than men, and the majority of women need lots of foreplay that includes clitoral stimulation. Some women do enjoy getting fingered. A good way to do this is to use one finger and do a “come here” motion. This will provide stimulation to the G-spot area. As for her to learn how to perform oral sex, this is where watching porn could be educational. I’m pretty sure you could also find tutorials. One of my colleagues has written books on the topic—her name is Dr. Jessica O’Reilly—which you could look up as well.
Male Orgasm
Q: I am relatively young and inexperienced with sexual encounters, but I have had two relationships. I have had sex 7-9 times, with more or me fingering her. I always have trouble finishing whenever my girlfriend gets involved, and I believe it is because I am circumcised. If you could send some professional information my way, it would be much appreciated.
A: I doubt that your inability to orgasm with your partner has anything to do with being circumcised. If that were the case, millions of men would have the same issue. It is more likely that you are used to a certain type of pressure, speed, etc. on your penis, and your girlfriend is not touching you exactly the same way you touch yourself. You can always show her how you like to be touched.