Fantasies About An Ex
Q: Hi, Dr. Laurie. I’m a happily married woman, 12 years, with 2 kids. Recently, I got a friend request and message on FB from a man who I had an exciting, passionate, and lustful relationship with 20 years ago. It didn’t last long, just a few weeks but my God! You could write an erotic novel based on our short fling. I can’t stop thinking about him now!!! How do I stop thinking of him, thinking of the nostalgia?
A: It’s certainly not unusual to fantasize about the great sex you may have had in the past. However, beware of the slippery slope you may be on when reconnecting to old flames through social media. After many years of marriage, sex can become a little less passionate, and it might be enticing to connect with a guy from the past who made you feel a certain way. My advice is to work on spicing up your existing relationship and limiting contact with the other guy. As long as you keep your thoughts as thoughts/fantasies and don’t act on any of it, no harm done, in my opinion.
Inappropriate Comments
Q: This sounds like something out of the context of a porno…so I feel like I’m writing to the right place for help. I was spending a week with my girlfriend’s family at a cottage. One night, after we’d all had a lot of wine for dinner, her brother’s wife made some inappropriate comments to me. Saying that if I wanted to hook up with her…she was ready and willing. But more graphic than that. I immediately played it off and made it clear I wasn’t interested, but it’s bothered me ever since. I feel like it’s going to create a huge messy situation if I tell her and she tells her brother, but I’m not comfortable spending time with that part of her family again, and I know she’s going to try and plan another trip. Is honesty the best policy here?
A: I can’t tell you what to do; however, if you don’t want to spend time with them again, your girlfriend will certainly wonder why. You may want to stay a bit vague and say something like, “she made me uncomfortable with her flirtatious behavior when she was drunk”. The other option is to be in a group setting with her there, but stay as far away from her as possible and make sure your girlfriend is always present when she is.