Sexual Health Inventory
Q: I grew up in a household where health wasn’t really addressed—and sexuality was never a part of the conversation. I didn’t have any sex ed in high school and was too embarrassed to even think about it through college. All this to say: a lot of aspects of sexual health went totally over my head—something I realized recently when I went for my first STI test and the nurse asked a bunch of questions that made me both perplexed and scared. Like many aspects of my health (I just got more concerned with diet and exercise recently), I realized this is something I’ll have to be more conscientious of as I age. Do you have something like a “sexual health checklist”—things I should keep up on, questions I should be asking my doctor, etc—for me?
A: Well I’m so happy you found our site! You will find here a one stop shop to all of your sexual questions, from the very basic to the more complex. Sadly, in many parts of the world, there is virtually no sex education in schools. Parents also find it difficult to discuss this subject in a non-judgemental and relaxed manner which makes it difficult for kids to even ask questions. There are many aspects to sexual wellness. The first is to keep yourself physically safe. Practicing safer safe, meaning the use of condoms during vaginal intercourse, anal sex, and even oral sex, is essential. Remember that contact with bodily fluids can put you in danger. If you are in an exclusive relationship, then both getting tested prior to sex is important. The next thing to think about is whether you are enthusiastic about the sex you are engaging in. Having sex because you want to and not because you are feeling pressured is important. So check in with yourself. As for the medical aspect, or questions to ask your doctor, this depends on issues you might be having. For starters, getting regular PAP tests is necessary. If you are experiencing issues with menstruation or pain with intercourse, then you need to look for the underlying causes. You will also want to talk to your doctor about birth control options. If you have questions around your sexual orientation, sexual difficulties like problems with orgasm, issues around relationships, etc., then seeing a psychologist or sex therapist would be a good place to start.
Anal Sex Myths
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. I’d like to try anal sex, but I have some reservations. Everything I read on the internet seems to come to a different conclusion. Some people say that you need to anal douche before while others say it’s fine as long as you’re not suffering gastric issues. I’ve even seen information about how dangerous it can be and how things could get torn. But mostly, half the internet seems to think someone new to it will have to go so slow it’s basically impossible, while others say it’s not that big a deal. What’s the actual truth here?
A: The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Some people feel more comfortable doing an anal douche before while others don’t feel the need. Have a bowel movement first, to empty as much as possible. Then, you wash the area with soap and water (especially if there will be oral/anal contact) so as to ensure there is no fecal matter present. Anal sex is a safe practice as long as you approach it slowly and you are ready for it. Don’t do it if you feel pressured to, as you will likely be tense in that case, and you need to be relaxed. If you are all clenched up, the experience will be painful. Make sure you use lots of lube. Start with external anal play, then slight penetration and work your way to the penis. You need to get comfortable with even the slightest penetration. Then, have your partner go very slowly, and check in with him to let him know if it feels ok. Those lines of communication must stay open. After anal sex, wash the area well, and never go from anal penetration to vaginal penetration as this will transfer bacteria and can cause infection.