Aging & Sexuality
Q: Do erogenous zones change in sensitivity as we age?
A: They absolutely can! What felt good in our twenties may be very different than what feels good in our 50’s. Our bodies change as we age, as do our needs. Often women will need more direct stimulation on their clitoris and men may need a firmer touch on their penis, as an example. The key is to know what feels good for you and to transmit that information to your partner. If you don’t tell them, there is no way for them to guess that what they have always done to stimulate you no longer works.
Andropause
Q: I am 50 years old and I believe I may be andropausal. I am only able to have sex with my wife like once a month. The rest of the time I just don’t have the desire.
A: The first step is to see your doctor to measure your testosterone levels. If you are in andropause (see article on the subject on this site) then your doctor will be able to tell by your blood tests and by asking you a few questions. If once a month of sex works for you and your wife, and no one is complaining, upset, or frustrated, then don’t worry so much about the frequency. All couples go through phases, especially as they get older.
Female Sex Drive After Kids
Q: I am 39 years old. After kids, I sort of lost my “mojo”. I do get it back around ovulation time. Is there a pill or remedy which would increase the brain chemicals—a sort of Viagra for women?
A: This is all perfectly normal. Having little kids makes us tired, and leaves very little time for the couple. This is even more the case if you also work outside the home. Many women experience a spike in desire around ovulation (from an evolutionary perspective that’s so you will want to have sex and make more babies). To get your mojo going, you will need to find time to relax, and have some fun times with your partner, away from the kids and your everyday routine. It just requires a little effort. As for drugs, there is no magic pill that restores desire to a high level (there is a pill available in the US, but it has shown questionable efficacy). One of the reasons pills often don’t work is that desire for women is so much more complex and involves so many different factors. Viagra does nothing for desire by the way. It only acts on arousal.