Post-Baby Sex
Q: My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and I recently gave birth. Since then, our sex lives have gone downhill. I am never in the mood. I will give my husband what he wants, which makes him happy; however, I do not want anything in return. Please help us fix this.
A: This is totally normal. After a baby, women are fatigued, experience sleepless nights, stress, vaginal pain, and not to mention hormonal changes. All these factors impact our spontaneous desire for sex (horniness). If you are breastfeeding, this also affects your desire. Additionally, having a baby attached to you all day makes a person crave their personal space, and sometimes we reject any other form of touch. This is temporary. You and your husband must be patient, understanding, and compassionate with each other. It’s important for you to take time for yourself for some ‘self-care’. Even though you may not be hungry for sex, choosing to have sex, and choosing to relax and receive pleasure is important for you both. Start off slowly with hugging, kissing, and caressing. This closeness and connection is important to keep up, so you will have to put a bit of effort into it.
Q: Sex After Kids
I had a difficult childbirth a year ago, and it took me months of painful recovery to even touch myself. We’ve tried to have sex since then, but even with lube and taking everything very slowly, I’ve had to stop because of the discomfort. It just feels different than it used to. My gyno says everything is recovering normally down there, and I just have to be patient, but I feel like my bond with my husband is starting to suffer. Is there anything I can do?
A: To deal with the physical side of things, I would highly recommend you seek treatment from a pelvic floor physiotherapist. They specialize in healing the pelvic area, especially after childbirth. Studies have shown great results with this. This will also improve the discomfort you experience with intercourse. But sexuality is not just about intercourse. It’s important to maintain a sexual connection with your partner in other ways. What is stopping you from receiving oral sex? Or giving it? Caressing, making out, oral sex, etc., are all forms of sexuality. We often just think about sex as intercourse, and if that doesn’t work, we give up all the rest—big mistake! Make sure you take the time to be intimate with your partner, even if it means just lying together naked.