Underwhelming First Time
Q: I had penetrative sex for the first time with my girlfriend, previously we only used hands and mouth, and it was kind of underwhelming. We used a condom, and I didn’t really feel much. She liked it a lot, and it certainly wasn’t bad, but I wanted to know if that was normal. If maybe I could have been wearing the condom wrong, and if there’s something I can do. I still want to keep wearing a condom as protection.
A: Yes, keep wearing a condom! For many people, intercourse isn’t the be-all and ends all in sexual activity. Many guys prefer other forms of stimulation like oral sex for example. To enhance your intercourse experience, look for condoms that are thin and provide a bit more sensitivity. You can also put a little drop of lube inside the condom which will increase friction for you. Also, make sure you are wearing the right size condom (look up ONE condoms online as they have a way many different sizes to choose from).
Masturbation And Body Pain
Q: I would be grateful if you take some moments and answer my query. I am fond of porn and masturbating and now I am feeling it is affecting my body. I feel pain in legs lower part of the knees to the ankles. Plus, I feel guilt. Also, I am in a complicated relationship right now due to cultural constraints. Plus, I feel I have sexual desires most of the time which makes me feel uncomfortable in groups of people.
A: It’s kind of difficult to answer these questions without knowing more information about you. I can try to answer this generally, but to get to the bottom of this and gain a better understanding of your sexuality, you should consult with a sex therapist. With regard to your “fondness” for porn, you are certainly not alone. Most people do watch and do masturbate. The issue is how much porn and how much masturbation. If you masturbate compulsively, if it causes you distress, and if it affects your daily living, then it’s probably too much.
Having said that, I’m not sure why you are feeling pain in your legs. Is it pain or a sense of “weakness”? From everything I know, I don’t see how the two are connected unless you are simply experiencing leg cramps which could be due to the tension buildup that comes with arousal. As for your guilt, could it be because your culture sees masturbation as a sin? With regard to your “complicated” relationship, it sounds like you would benefit from talking this through with a therapist.
And finally, as for your sexual desires, this is perfectly normal. Just because someone is horny doesn’t mean they have to act out on these desires. Young men (although you don’t say how old you are) are often uncomfortable with the spontaneous erections that can occur when in the presence of others. Most men outgrow this.