Talking About Sex as a Parent
Q: I have a daughter and I found birth control pills in her purse. I confronted her and she claims she has them because of her period and that she is not active. I don’t believe her. I am concerned because I’ve found her moody lately. I’m wondering if this is the cause or if she is being a typical teenager? I am also concerned in that is she too young to be on the pill instead of using another form of contraception, if she actually is active?
A: I totally understand your concern. The average age for first intercourse is 17 years old. Be glad that she is being responsible about pregnancy prevention (even if she is not currently sexual). Try not to be judgmental or she will never share anything with you. Typically, teenage years are full of moodiness due to the surge in hormones naturally occurring during this time. However, when it comes to teens, I say keep an eye out for any depression or anxiety. As for the pill, this is the most effective form of birth control, and if it helps her periods, then even better. However, you should talk to your daughter about safer sex practices. It’s one thing not to get pregnant and another to protect the self from sexually transmitted infections.
Pregnancy Prevention
Q: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about four years, but we’ve only had intercourse a few times, although we’re physically intimate regularly. She’s generally something of a worrier, so she’s said that, while she wants sex more often, she’s afraid of getting pregnant and ruining our lives. She has an overprotective mother (girlfriend is 22), so anything involving health insurance or any significant cost will be noticed and not looked upon kindly. The few times we’ve had sex we’ve used a condom, but she refuses to even think about medicinal birth contraceptives. She has heavy and irregular periods, plus has depression and anxiety, and doesn’t want to make a bad situation worse. She doesn’t seem to be open to going to a doctor or to Planned Parenthood, because she’s afraid her mother will find out.
We both want to be more physically intimate and we want to do so safely, but we’re not sure how to get more information. What are the best steps we can take to prevent pregnancy/STI transmission? How effective are these methods? What happens and what should we do if they fail? Can we do all of this without tipping off her overprotective mother?
A: Your girlfriend should really talk to her doctor about all her contraceptive options. The pill will help with her periods, and it is 99% effective for preventing pregnancy. If she is in school, she can go to the health services at her university. It is all confidential and her mother does not have to know. However, you don’t think that her mother knows about you having sex? You have been together for four years and she is 22 after all. Maybe she can have a conversation with her? In the meantime, condoms are very effective when used properly. If the condom should break, she can go to the pharmacy to get the morning-after pill to prevent pregnancy. If neither of you has or have had other sexual partners, then you don’t need to worry about transmitting any infections.