Excessive Masturbation
Q: I’m a 37-year-old man. I deal with excessive masturbation, and I would like to ask how long I should wait before masturbating again. Also, are there any positions that would enhance orgasm and reduce early ejaculation?
A: First of all, what do you mean by excessive masturbation? Do you masturbate so much that there is no time or energy for anything else? Is it interfering with your dating life? Is it interfering with your work? Are you constantly thinking about the next time you could masturbate? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then yes, you are probably doing this to excess. It is difficult to answer your question about how long you should wait, as there is no norm of how often people should masturbate. Some people masturbate daily or several times a day without impacting their lives, as I described above. The problem is the compulsivity of the activity, not the activity itself.
You can start by challenging yourself to hold off on masturbation for one day, then 2, etc. Pay attention to what drives you to masturbation—is it anxiety? Is it boredom? Find other ways to distract yourself or soothe yourself until the urge passes. A thorough evaluation by a therapist may be a good idea to uncover the underlying cause of this behaviour that seems to be causing you distress. As for your question about positions, that is different for every person. Generally speaking, a position where you can control the speed of thrusting would be most helpful. When you feel close to climax, slow down or stop thrusting, take a few deep breaths and resume again. Keep doing this and you will find that over time you will have achieved more control. We all have our favorite positions that work best for us. Find yours.
Staying Safe
Q: I’m 32 years old. I am obsessed with anal sex with trans people and also commercial sex workers. How can I avoid sexually transmitted diseases and maintain cleanliness? Is there a drug/vaccine for me to keep it safe to have sex?
A: I see a couple of issues here to be addressed. The first thing you say is you are “obsessed”. When I hear that, my mind goes to the potential diagnosis of Compulsive Sexual Disorder (DSM diagnosis). Does the fact that you are “obsessed” cause you distress? Is it taking over your life? Does it prevent you from forming romantic relationships? If so, you may want to speak to a professional therapist to evaluate this. The second issue is about sexually transmitted infections. There is no one vaccine that can prevent all STIs. The best defence against STIs is to always use condoms. However, there are a few infections (HPV and Herpes) that are transmitted via skin-to-skin contact, so condoms do not protect you completely. There does exist a vaccine for HPV—Human Papilloma Virus. Ask your healthcare provider about this. Bottom line: you should absolutely always wear a condom!