Photo by Dainis Graveris on SexualAlpha
How Much Is Too Much?
Q: Can you settle an argument that me and my boyfriend are having? How much masturbation is “too much”? It’s not what you think—when I masturbate, I can have multiple orgasms, so I can keep going…basically indefinitely, or until I run out of vibrator batteries. My boyfriend thinks that jerking off once a day is borderline too much, and feels weird about anything over 3-4 times a week. I think he’s being a prude. So, how much is too much?
A: Many people, men and women alike, masturbate on a daily basis. “Too much” is usually when someone does something in a compulsive manner, when their behavior interferes with daily living, or when there are negative emotions or distress associated with it. Oftentimes, how frequently one masturbates is related to our sex drive. Some people with higher sex drive masturbate in between sex sessions with their partner. This, in no way, needs to be problematic. Your boyfriend is not necessarily a “prude,” but maybe he is just comparing it to his needs and behaviors and thus, since you exceed his number, he thinks it is “too much.” You win the argument!
Types of Porn My Partner Is Watching
Q: Me and my partner are very open to each other, I know he watches porn regularly, which I do not mind at all. But I found gay porn on the search history. Should I be worried that is he getting off on gay porn? I feel like I should, because I’m a woman.
A: I totally understand your concern. However, we must remember that porn is fantasy, and some of our fantasies may be seen as “weird,”. What we choose to watch or fantasize about is usually not an indication of what people want to do in real life. It is likely that your partner is merely “sex curious.” It is still important that you two have conversations about sex. Talk about what excites you both in a non-judgmental manner. And respect each other’s boundaries if your partner is not ready to discuss their deepest fantasies just yet. If your partner feels that you can handle it and not be judgy or turned off, then they are more likely to share.
How To Stop Masturbating?
Q: How can I leave masturbation behind? The thing is, I can’t get married and can’t be in any relationship. This habit is wasting my time and energy. I am a university student. For 6 or 7 years, I’ve been facing this habit.
Thanks for providing this opportunity.
A: I’m not sure why you need to give up masturbation and what this has to do with you getting married. The only time masturbation is a problem is if it’s done compulsively and if it interferes with your life. Are you masturbating out of boredom? To relieve anxiety? You would have to address these issues first. If it’s boredom, then find some activities to engage in—go to the gym, go for a walk, do something creative with your hands, etc. If you are anxious, you might want to speak to a professional to understand why and give you some strategies to cope. If you are having trouble relating to women and that is why you can’t be in a relationship, then you may want to work with a dating coach to help you with your communication (see our posts by dating coach Frank Kermit).