How To Know If You’ve Had An Orgasm
Q: I want to be able to let go & know myself and my body to my own benefit, and to a future partner’s benefit—because otherwise, I’m taking my own sexuality basically off the table. Basically, I was wondering if you could tell me how I would know if I’ve reached orgasm during sex, or during intercourse in general. I have tried masturbation in the past and I think I’ve been too in my own head for it to work for me—and haven’t achieved anything close to an orgasm from that. I’ve had like a full-body kind of shiver up the spine sensation before during sex—but never a moment of KNOWING that I definitively have reached climax. If my last partner (first ever partner) asked I would kind of just say “yeah” and hope I had. And honestly, I really don’t know.
So I guess I would also like to have, even though this may sound naive or even silly, the ability to know if I’m going to orgasm or pee. I have no frame of reference, and I’m too afraid to pee on somebody to let myself open up and potentially climax during intercourse.
A: That’s a good question and one that many women have. Unlike men, who kinda know they have orgasmed when they ejaculate, it’s more difficult for women to know. One of the reasons is that it’s different for each of us, and not all orgasms feel the same or are of the same intensity. Many of us have expectations of what it should feel or look like based on what we see/hear in the media. For example, in movies, the female orgasm is often portrayed as seeing fireworks. But in reality, orgasms have been described as feeling like a sneeze, a shiver, intense, or something in between. Sometimes the sign of an orgasm can be really subtle like an increase in tension and then a feeling of relaxation. Some obvious signs are muscle contractions in your body, movement of your fingers and toes, vocalizations, a change in heart rate or breathing, and feeling more sensitive in your vulva.
As for the feeling of needing to pee—if you urinated before sex and emptied your bladder, it is quite unlikely that you peed. It is more likely that you experienced “squirting” or female ejaculation (which is quite common). It does feel the same as urinating because it comes from the same place, but the liquid is not made up of much urine. That sensation is usually associated with G Spot stimulation. The best advice I can give you is to pee beforehand and then let yourself go and enjoy the sensation. You can always tell your partner: “I want to warn you, I’m a squirter”. My guess is that this will likely turn your partner on rather than off!
Blood Pressure Meds And Erectile Function
Q: I am 79 and I take a lot of blood pressure medication including a statin drug named Lovastatin. Otherwise, I am very healthy. What can I do ? Supplements do not seem to work.
A: I’m not quite sure what you are asking me here. I am assuming you are suffering from erectile dysfunction. There are some researchers that have found a link between using statins and erectile issues. But more importantly, there is plenty of research that shows that some (but not all) blood pressure medications can decrease blood flow to the penis. Blood pressure drugs are probably the biggest culprit when it comes to older men who have high blood pressure and erectile dysfunction. You should really talk to your doctor about taking one of the ED drugs that are generally safe and effective to use when you have high blood pressure (but make sure you are followed by your doctor).