Getting Hard(er)
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. I’m in my mid-40s now and I still regularly get erections and have orgasms—yes!—but I’m really not getting as rock hard as I used to when I was younger. Sometimes, I would even put it at 50%. My doctor gave me Viagra, but when the sex is spontaneous, there’s not always time to gulp one down.
My sexual partners have been nice about it, but I’m curious if it’s really still enjoyable or if they’re just stroking my ego. If it’s fine, it’s fine—but if it’s really not as good, I want to take steps to address it. Any advice?
A: It sounds like you are still able to get an erection good enough for penetration, so yes, it would still be enjoyable for your partner. It’s normal, as we get older, to notice that we are not the same as years prior. For men, as they age, they may notice that their erections are not as hard, that it takes longer to get an erection, that they need more direct stimulation to maintain their erection, that they lose their erection more quickly, etc.
If you are consistently losing your erection, then it’s a good idea to get an evaluation from an urologist to see what the cause of the erectile dysfunction is. There are still a few things you can do. Using medication is one, but I would try something like Cialis, that can give you a 48 hour window for sex rather than taking something an hour before sex. This will give you back some spontaneity. You can also use a penis ring. When you get your erection, you can place the ring at the base of the penis to keep the blood in the penis (just take it off after 20 minutes) and maintain your erection. For more information about aging and sexuality, read my book, The Sex Bible for People Over 50.
Condom Size
Q: Recently, my girlfriend and I started having sex and we’ve been using condoms as our primary form of birth control. We were both virgins and sex ed isn’t really a thing in our area. I cannot tell if the standard condoms we’re using are the right size. How can I tell?
A: Good question! It’s important that the condom fits comfortably and is the right size for you to avoid slippage or a broken condom. These days, condoms come in many sizes and textures, with or without lubrication, with or without spermicide. You can find condom size charts online. The first step is to measure your penis using a soft measuring tape (not a ruler but one used for sewing) to measure the length when erect, and also around (the girth/circumference). You may need to try different brands to find your favorite.
I would recommend going to a shop that sells individual condoms rather than buying a whole box, and try different ones to see which feels the best for you. What you are looking for is a condom that rolls down easily and fits snuggly around the base of your penis without it being too tight or too loose.