Sex and Disability
Q: My girlfriend has no problem being on the receiving end of sex. However, due to her rare developmental disorder, she is uncomfortable giving due to problems with her hands and mouth. What’s more, she appears to have little confidence giving hand jobs, blow jobs, etc. this makes our encounters one-sided, and I feel unfulfilled…although I love her and am very attracted to her. How should I handle this?
A: Everyone has some limitations, and when you choose to be with someone, we have to accept them. Having said that, she may want to just explore playing with your penis in other ways that don’t put pressure on her to be “great at it”. Open communication and no pressure is the way to go. However, if you keep giving her the message that you are “unfulfilled”, this creates pressure and makes her feel inadequate which could lead to avoidance of sex altogether. It is far better to talk about yours and her desires and to explore various forms of sexuality together.
Impact of a Hysterectomy on Sex
Q: My girlfriend had a hysterectomy and as a result, her vagina is now very tight. I am getting older and having problems with penetration. We are falling apart. Any suggestions???
A: I’m surprised that this operation has somehow caused her to be tight. However, if they removed her ovaries, then she is now in menopause (no longer producing estrogen) which can cause vaginal dryness and thus, difficulty with penetration. It is important to now use a lubricant which you can get at the pharmacy—try a silicone-based one as it lasts longer.
Anal Passage
Q: My male partner every now and then complains that my ass is too loose. With that, I get accused of cheating, even though I am not doing so. I am a 52-year-old gay male, I’m in good health, I’m not overweight, and I’m often told l look very good for my age. I don’t appreciate his comments, but I would like to know if there’s anything I can do to tighten my anus.
A: Perhaps try doing Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Unfortunately, frequent anal sex can cause the sphincter muscle to work less effectively. It’s not the same as a vagina, which “bounces back” when stretched through intercourse. It sounds like this issue is more about relationship and fidelity issues and not the actual “looseness” of your anus. You may want to talk to a couple’s therapist to address these issues.