Sex After Prostate Cancer
Q: I have had prostate cancer surgery. I’m 61 years young, but I don’t feel like I’m a man anymore. Tablets hardly ever work. I look at your site. It’s been four years since I’ve had sex and I’m slowly dying on the inside. I have lost my way.
A: Your sexual ability or your erection does not make a man a man! Did you know that you can still have an orgasm (with no ejaculation) even if you don’t have an erection? This means that you can still feel pleasure. And by the way, pills do not work because this is more of an issue of nerves in that area rather than blood flow. For men that have had a prostatectomy, recovery can take time (even years). It is recommended that men don’t stop their sexual activity after prostate cancer treatment. It is part of “penile rehabilitation.” But this means that you should approach sex without any expectations and that you should be willing to view sexuality beyond intercourse. You need to be open to a little experimentation to see what can feel good for you and for your partner. Remember, pleasuring your partner need not involve your penis. Use your hands and mouth to stimulate your partner. If he/she would like penetration, you can introduce dildos to your sex play. Don’t let your cancer define you. Please talk to someone about how you feel. It is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of one’s potency and to have many emotions surrounding a cancer diagnosis and treatment. Look for some support through your hospital/community, or groups on line.
Orgasm Headache
Q: Upon ejaculation while having sex, I get this intense migraine that lingers for the next few minutes. I am not taking any medication, and I haven’t changed my eating habits, though maybe I should. I have been stressed from work, but have endured more stress in the past. I am in my early 30s. Any idea why this happens to me?
A: There is an article on this site about sex headaches. Here’s a portion of it so that you can know whether it’s nothing or something to be concerned about:
According to the Mayo Clinic website,
“Abrupt-onset and slow-to-build sex headaches can be primary headache disorders not associated with any underlying condition. Sex headaches that come on suddenly are more likely to be associated with:
- A widening or bubble in the wall of an artery inside your head (intracranial aneurysm)
- An abnormal connection between arteries and veins in the brain (arteriovenous malformation) that bleeds into the spinal fluid-filled space in and around the brain
- Bleeding into the wall of an artery leading to the brain (dissection)
- Stroke
- Coronary artery disease
- Use of some medications, such as birth control pills
- Inflammation from certain infections
Sex headaches associated with loss of consciousness, vomiting, stiff neck, other neurological symptoms and severe pain lasting more than 24 hours are more likely to be due to an underlying cause.” Based on those causes, it sounds like an issue you should consult your doctor about.
AIDS and Sex
Q: I have just found out that I have AIDS. Will I be able to have a sex life?
A: I think you mean you have been diagnosed with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS). Thankfully, today, few people die of AIDS-related causes because of the medications that are now accessible. Although HIV is not yet curable, there are medications that can make the virus practically undetectable in you, which drastically reduces the chance of transmission. People who have been diagnosed with HIV should start antiretroviral therapy (ART) as soon as possible. This is a daily combination of medications that help people with HIV live healthier lives and reduces the risk of transmission by reducing a person’s viral load to an undetectable level. It is important to talk to your physician. As for your sex life, it is important to let your partner know. It would be helpful for you to provide information to your partner about transmission when one is on ART. The use of condoms is also important. Your partner may also choose to use PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis), a daily medication. This is highly effective for preventing HIV.