If you are ready to become sexually active for the first time ever, or the first time in a long time, you are probably at least a little nervous about it. This is completely normal and totally okay. If you’re ready to start doing the deed, here are some things you should know before you do:
You’re In Control
Deciding to become sexually active is an important decision, but most importantly, it is YOUR decision. This is not something you should do because you feel like you should based on age, relationship status, or number of dates you have been on. You shouldn’t let yourself get pressured or talked into this. If you are getting ready to have sex for the first time, let it be on your terms. Your consent is key and it’s important that your partner understands that too.
It’s Okay To Start Slow
It’s okay if you are not ready to “go all the way” your first time. Taking things one step at a time is not only completely healthy, but also a fun way to build anticipation while you are getting mentally ready for whatever else you plan on doing. There are plenty of ways you can engage in foreplay or the many forms of sex such as oral or digital sex if you are not ready for or comfortable with intercourse. Let things happen when you are ready and at your own pace. There is no rule that says you have to do things at any specific speed or on any particular timeline.
There Is Nothing New Under The Sun
Maybe you have had sex before, but it has been a while. Many people who have been through a divorce or lost a partner may wait a while before having sex and feel nervous about getting back out there. The important thing to know is that nothing has changed. Sex is still the same old process it was before, whether that was months, years, or even decades ago. Your knowledge isn’t outdated or irrelevant, especially if you are pursuing partners that are the same age as you. There is nothing new under the sun and that includes making love.
Except The One Thing That Is New
The one caveat to the last paragraph is this: language. One thing that is ever-evolving and constantly changing about every aspect of life is language. The words we use to describe sex and dating do change. For the most part, this just means that new terms come around for the same old things. The important thing is that you are clear with your partner about what you mean and what you expect. So whether you’re calling it “talking,” “dating,” “courting,” “going together,” “going steady,” or “hanging out,” make sure you and your partner are on the same page about intentions, exclusivity, and expectations.
Protection
This one may seem obvious, but the truth is that a large portion of American sex education is abstinence-only. You may not know all the options available to you in terms of contraception. Make sure you have a plan for how you are going to keep yourself protected from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (and that you understand that not all methods of contraception are effective against both). Talk to your doctor or go to a free clinic to discuss your options including the pill, condoms, dental damns, implants, or IUDs and make sure you have a plan and a discussion about protection with your partner before you start having sex.
Safety
Safe sex doesn’t just mean using protection. Having sex is an act of vulnerability that you need to be sure you are engaging in safely. Since the majority of dating this day and age does take place or at least begin online, be sure to share your location with a friend or let someone know where you are going when you meet a stranger for a date. The same goes for someone you meet in person at a bar or club. Exercise caution when you’re with someone new and don’t let a false sense of security set you up for trouble.
Don’t Learn From TV
If you are getting ready to have sex for the first time, then odds are you probably have learned most of what you know about it from sex scenes in your favorite movies or shows. While some of this may not be far from the truth, you shouldn’t rely on TV, social media, or pornography for your sex education. There are plenty of places to get reliable, accurate sex education without having to trust Hollywood with something as important as this. Sites like Dr. Stacy’s blog or the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center are dedicated to being a source of good information about sex, intimacy, and sexuality without leading you astray into unhealthy or unreasonable expectations for yourself or your partner.
There Is Nothing Wrong With “Vanilla” Sex
If you have gotten the majority of your information from TV, you may be under the impression than “vanilla” sex (AKA non-kinky sex) is undesirable or boring. This is not the case. If you are new to having sex or haven’t gotten out there in a while, rushing into kinks or ways of having sex that are unfamiliar to you may not be the best idea. Give yourself time to figure out what you like and understand that you may not be as “kinky” as you thought. And that is perfectly okay.
For tips and advice on ways to improve (or begin!) your intimate and sexual relationships, Dr. Stacy Friedman holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality in addition to a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. She offers remote complimentary 15-minute consultations and ongoing coaching sessions. Call 1-561-899-7669 or visit https://drstacyfriedman.com today!