Fiction, fable, legend, fabrication, invention, figment—all these words that really mean “myth”. We make things up all the time and sometimes we repeat them enough times, or we hear them enough times, that we actually start to believe they are true. It’s time to debunk a few of these myths when it comes to things we believe about men.
Men only think about sex: Technically yes, they certainly think about sex, but that is not the ONLY thing they think about—there are some who fill their heads with plenty of other things. Women also think about sex. And it’s perfectly natural to do so. In fact, the majority of adult men think about sex at least once a day (compared to the one-quarter of women who do the same).
Men can be changed: Ladies, where did we get this one?! Men won’t change just because you want them to, no matter how much you try. You can certainly make suggestions in their best interest because you care or you can drop a hint here or there, but people won’t change unless they want to change, that is simply a fact of life we have to learn to deal with.
Men are strong: Yes, physically, but they have emotions too and while it’s not always accepted for men to show their emotions, they are there. If you break their heart, I can guarantee they are going to be hurt, maybe even shed some tears, and need some comforting. The myth that men always have to be strong is no longer true. Men too can be sensitive, feeling, nurturing, and caring, and they certainly should not be criticized for it!
Men want someone just like mom: There is a saying that goes “if you want to know what the daughter will look like, just look at her mother”. So to what extent does a man want someone just like their mother in their lives? We could look at this from the Freudian perspective but if you want someone who will iron your underwear and fold it neatly in three, maybe you should think about moving back home! We all want to be cared for and loved, just not mothered. Men who want to be mothered, or act in such a way, actually risk turning their women off. No woman wants to have sex with a man that acts like a child!
All men are unfaithful: Simply not true! Many women will believe this, especially if they have been cheated on in the past. We do have a tendency to carry over things from previous relationships and automatically assume that the same thing will happen in each relationship we are in. It’s not fair to start a relationship on these assumptions, especially for the guy who has done nothing wrong! We can’t make all men “pay” for the mistakes of a few. except return your phone call!
Men should know what to do in bed: Sometimes, young men feel that if they ask questions about sex then it diminishes their masculinity, and some don’t want to risk looking like less of a man in the eyes of their friends. No one is born a great lover. Learning how to be a good lover from porn is also not the answer. Ladies, if you want your partner to be a good lover, please tell him what you like and what you need. Each one of us is different and it is our responsibility to communicate what we need. We cannot expect men to “just know”. Guys, education is power. So if you need to know stuff, please look it up (like on this site)—don’t count on porn to show you the way.
He won’t respect you in the morning: A lot of women think that if they sleep with someone on the first date or early in a relationship, then the man will not respect her because “she gave it up too fast”. When you choose to sleep with someone, you do it on your own timetable. There’s no set rule that says you have to wait X number of dates or months or whatever before being intimate with someone. Every relationship is different and there are couples who slept with each other on their first date and are living happily ever after as we speak! Many men gather their first impression on how you treat them, how you act, and how you connect and not on whether or not you’re going to give it up at the end of the night.
Men can’t be sexually assaulted: Just false. Men are sexually assaulted (by men or by women; as children or as adults), we just don’t hear about it as much. The fact that we hardly talk about this, makes men feel more shameful when it happens to them and thus less likely to report it. Statistics (at least in Canada) show that about 8% of men (compared to 30% of women) have experienced sexual assault.
Men have a higher sex drive: therefore are aroused more, lust more, and need more sex. Several studies have shown that men and women share sex drives of equal or nearly equal intensity. In fact, in couples where there is a desire discrepancy, I see just as many couples where it’s the man with the lower drive.
The above are only just a few misconceptions about men. Unfortunately, they can often negatively impact our relationships. Imagine a woman sees a man across the room and she wants to talk to him but all of a sudden, all these preconceived notions, these myths, start flying around in her head. The guy doesn’t even stand a chance to defend himself or set himself apart from the few men who do fit these myths.