“I am who I am because of you. I am a better person because of you. I achieved what I achieved because you are in my life.”
These are some of the things a person may say about their partner when they feel they are in a meaningful relationship.
Many people dream of finding meaning in a relationship with a partner who truly understands them and helps them become the best version of themselves in a way they feel nobody else has.
When there is meaning in your relationship you feel that your partner is the one you were destined to be with. Your feelings of love remain strong—long after initial feelings of attraction may have worn off.
Dr. Viktor Frankl’s bestselling book Man’s Search for Meaning is known for its insights on finding meaning in suffering. It is based on his experiences in the Auschwitz concentration camp during the Second World War. What is less known about this book is that it also describes how there is meaning in loving another person.
Inspiring Each Other To Grow
Dr. Frankl wrote that when you love another person you are able to see their potential. With your love, you can help them actualize that potential by making them aware of what they can become.
Edward encouraged Susan to return to school to get a degree to advance her career. Before she submitted her first essay for the first course, Edward read it and told her, “You’re a good writer with good ideas.” He also coached her on structuring the essay to make it more persuasive.
Susan was surprised to get an A. Edward told her, “I’m not surprised. You’re talented and intelligent. That’s one of the things I like about you.” Susan realized she had the potential to be a top student and continued to get A’s on her essays.
Robert and Wendy were expecting their first baby and moved to a new apartment to have a room for the baby. Robert thought Wendy would set up the baby’s room as he assumed she knew more about these things.
Before Wendy could do anything, she went into labor and gave birth to a baby boy. The next day Robert asked her what he should do about the baby’s room.
She said, “You have good judgement. I trust you to take charge of handling it.”
Robert bought the furniture and set up the room. Wendy’s confidence in his judgment meant a lot to him and gave him the self-confidence to trust his judgment in more situations.
Not Focusing On Your Own Gratification
It is what we put into the relationship that gives it meaning. If we are looking only for our own gratification—whatever that gratification is—we are unlikely to find meaning in the relationship.
Ironically, often people are able to express what they are looking for in a partner—but omit expressing what they can give—even though they may be giving people.
Andrew was a divorced single parent. Until he met Kate, who was also divorced and a single parent, the women he met had a shopping list of what they were looking for in a man. Andrew understood why they had a shopping list. Kate was different. She talked about how she wanted to help him with his relationship with his children. As they spent time together, he followed her advice and became a lot closer to his children. Andrew felt he couldn’t have done it without her.
Loyalty
Loyalty means accepting your partner’s mistakes. A relationship has meaning when each partner is loyal and does not abandon the other in difficult times.
Challenges are inevitable in every relationship. If you take on the challenge and work together to overcome it—you can become closer and your relationship more meaningful.
Mark was a successful entrepreneur. But through an unfortunate series of mistakes, his business went broke. He and his wife Jessica lost their home and had to move in with her mother. Things were financially difficult for a while but with Jessica’s support, Mark gradually built a new business and was successful again. Mark said, “I couldn’t have done it without Jessica. Marrying her was the best thing I ever did.”
What makes a relationship meaningful? Loving another person, inspiring them to grow, not focusing on your own gratification, and being loyal in challenging times.
To receive a free chapter from each of Elliott Katz’s two relationship advice books, email him: [email protected] His book How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants … So You Don’t Have To: Inspiring him to make more decisions, take the lead and STOP LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU! is full of strategies on how to get a man to do his share of taking charge. Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man – which was translated into 24 languages — shares insights on how men can improve their relationships by being the man a woman loves and respects. If you have questions or are interested in coaching: www.ElliottKatz.com
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