Everyone knows that sex feels best when people are in love. But plenty of couples who are deeply in love have lousy sex. Why? Often because they—or one of them, usually the man—ignore a key ingredient of sizzling sex—leisurely, whole-body massage. Novice lovers typically focus on a few places—the genitals and women’s breasts. Advanced lovers know that every square inch of skin is a sensual playground. The entire skin can revel in sensual touch. And that when lovers postpone genital sex and caress each other all over for 20 minutes, the subsequent genital play feels more arousing, and orgasms bring more pleasure.
Most women intuitively understand this. But many men don’t. They focus only on “sexy bits” and largely ignore everything else. Believe me, guys, if you embrace leisurely, whole-body massage, you’ll enjoy sex more—and so will your partner.
Touch: Can’t Live Without It
When the body—all of it—gets massaged, anxiety evaporates, mood improves, and pain decreases—all sex-enhancing. Without massage many women can’t become sexually aroused and have orgasms. Leisurely whole-body massage also helps prevent and treat premature ejaculation in men and erection difficulties.
Human beings can live without the other four senses. But deprive infants of touch and they die. That’s what happened around 1900 when infant-care experts decided that cuddling babies was “primitive.” Wealthy folks and the staff of orphanages stopped cuddling infants. However, poor women continued to cuddle their infants. By 1910, pediatricians reported a new disease, “failure to thrive.” Healthy infants spontaneously lost weight and died. It appeared in orphanages and also struck affluent families. But poor families were unaffected. Eventually, physicians identified its cause—lack of cuddling. When parents and orphanages returned to “primitive” infant care, kids thrived. Today, experts agree that infants cannot be cuddled too much.
The skin contains two types of touch-sensitive nerves. One transmits pain. The other, C-fibers, respond to pleasing touch, triggering relaxation and well-being.
Why Many Men Resist Massage
Massage skepticism often develops as men enter adulthood, and “lose touch” with touch. Men slap each other’s backs, but unlike women, they don’t share gentle, affectionate touch.
Also, there’s the unfortunate term “foreplay,” which implies something before the main event, intercourse. Many men engage in perfunctory foreplay, then rush into intercourse.
That ignores how women—and men—respond sexually. Most women prefer an extended whole-body massage that eventually includes their breasts and genitals—but is not fixated on them. In fact, to experience sexual arousal, most women need extended, whole-body caressing.
Rushed intercourse also contributes to premature ejaculation. The penis works best with lots of whole-body massages. If touch focuses just on the penis, most men ejaculate quickly. Extended, whole-body caresses distribute arousal around the body, which takes pressure off the penis. It still becomes aroused—more aroused—but with men aroused from head to toe, they last longer.
Replacing rushed foreplay with leisurely, whole-body caresses is the single most woman-pleasing sexual change men can make. Once men get used to it, they usually find that 20 minutes of gentle touch before you reach between her legs also enhances their sexual pleasure.
Not “Foreplay,” Loveplay
Now, back to “foreplay.” Drop that term. Instead, think of every sexual move as “loveplay.” You might light candles, listen to music, or watch an erotic video while kissing and stroking each other’s faces and necks. Next, you might feed each other snacks as you undress, and caress some more. Then you might get into bed and kiss while caressing each other. Then, you might trade foot massages, then fondle each other’s genitals, and share oral sex. Next, you might have intercourse. Then you might return to oral sex or play with a vibrator or have intercourse in a different position. None of this is “foreplay.” It’s all loveplay.
Many women wish men would learn that sex feels best when it involves the whole body. The genitals are important, but so is everything else. The entire body is a sensual playground. Great sex excites every bit of it.