Some humour to make you smile
I was driving to work this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was resting his head on the steering wheel and he was crying his eyes out and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, "That guy’s heading for a breakdown."
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I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs.
The birds love it!
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Went around to a friends house yesterday. His wife was sat there breast feeding their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.
I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something waterproof and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her some newbathroom scales.
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.
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My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!!"
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I saw a dyslexic yorkshireman today....he was wearing his cat flap
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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
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I got prompted to change my password today using eight characters.
So I put Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
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Buy a parrot. Then teach the parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot."
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Go into a store's fitting room. After several minutes yell loudly, " Hey,there's no toilet paper in here!"
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My next door neighbour came banging on my door last night screaming about items of clothing going missing from her washing line - I'll tell ya. I nearly shit her pants.
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:-D
------------------------------------
Did you know that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy?
I thought to myself, "That guy’s heading for a breakdown."
-------------------------------------
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs.
The birds love it!
-------------------------------------
Went around to a friends house yesterday. His wife was sat there breast feeding their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.
I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead
-------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something waterproof and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her some newbathroom scales.
-------------------------------------
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.
-------------------------------------
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
-------------------------------------
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!!"
-------------------------------------
I saw a dyslexic yorkshireman today....he was wearing his cat flap
-------------------------------------
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
-------------------------------------
A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
-------------------------------------
I got prompted to change my password today using eight characters.
So I put Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
-------------------------------------
Buy a parrot. Then teach the parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot."
-------------------------------------
Go into a store's fitting room. After several minutes yell loudly, " Hey,there's no toilet paper in here!"
-------------------------------------
My next door neighbour came banging on my door last night screaming about items of clothing going missing from her washing line - I'll tell ya. I nearly shit her pants.
-------------------------------------
:-D
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Did you know that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy?
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