Ask Em: How do I persuade my wife/gf to try BBC?
I get asked this a lot by men who've been fantasizing about watching their girl being fucked into orgasmic insanity by a big black cock. My standard response is: 9 times out of 10, we're already interested, but conflicted inside about admitting or embracing it.
What a lot of men don't understand about women is that we are in our heads a lot of the time -- a swirl of thoughts and feelings and anxieties. We talk ourselves in- and out- of action, talk ourselves in circles really, on a moment to moment basis. Don't get me wrong - I'm a strong woman, a feminist, and believe women have many strengths that men don't. But taking decisive action, especially when risk is involved, does not come naturally -- no matter how *big* (and black) the payoff might be.
After I tell guys that their woman has probably already fantasized about a dominant, athletic, hung black man, they still want a step-by-step on to how to get started. Here's excerpts from recent chats I've had with young men (20-somethings) who are trying to get their women warmed-up to the idea...
Devoted BF (DBF): Hey, saw your profile and wanted to say hi! I'm a young guy with a gf of the same age. For a while I got into interracial videos (mostly BBC) and I slowly started to imagine my gf in them. You think that's a common thing?
Em: Much more common than you think, and a frequently unspoken fantasy among us girls. Wouldnt be surprised if your gf has already considered it.
DBF: Interesting. I'm trying to think of ways to give hints and introduce her to the idea from my side. I like what you wrote about women on your profile, that a good relationship could need two men. I'm an average white guy in size and not very dominant, but caring. Thinking of my gf experiencing much more pleasure from a black guy is stuck on my mind
Em: Easiest way to introduce the idea is to watch IR porn together. Then introduce BBC related dirty talk and perhaps a big black dildo. In my experience, the woman almost always becomes interested. Try watching these videos together…
Silindi
DBF: That sounds great, I will check it out and see if she likes it
Em: Also if it ever gets to the point where your gf has questions about bbc or the sharing lifestyle, I'm happy to chat with her, too. I've counseled many women thru their first experiences.
[later]
DBF: I watched the videos with her and she enjoyed it, she was visibly turned on. She was really horny after watching.
Em: That's great! I think you are on your way to living your fantasy! Next time, when she's very turned on, start some dirty talk like, "You would look so sexy taking a big black cock." Or "It would be so hot to watch you doing that." Or, “You want a big black cock, don’t you?” Be sure you are fucking her, eating her, or fingering her while you say it.
DBF: It's very encouraging to get advice from an experienced woman. I will keep watching IR videos with her and whisper her these things into her ear when we do it.
Em: Hows it going. Any progress?
DBF: At the moment I keep watching IR videos with her, she seems to fully enjoy them. I mentioned a few sentences like "you would look so sexy taking a bbc" when we were horny and she smiled. Until now she only shows positive reactions to anything related to IR
Em: You're a lucky man. She's ready. But are you sure you want to open Pandora’s Box?
DBF: I want this to happen, but I don’t want to push her too hard or too fast. I'm also thinking if she is enjoying herself, a black man enjoying her and me watching her would be so hot and satisfying for everyone. I don’t know should I keep pushing?
Em: I will share something with you that I recently shared with another young man, in your same situation. He has watched IR porn with his girlfriend, and shared his fantasy by saying "I think you would look hot with a black guy" but nothing more. She said she is "thinking about it" and he told me he "doesn't want to push her." Here is what I told him recently...
“In your situation, when ****** says she's "not sure" or is "needs to think about it" one or more of the following fears are in her mind...
1. I want to do this, but if I do, my bf will think I'm a slut and not love me anymore. He says he wants this, and will still love me afterward, but how can I be sure he will?
2. I want to do this, but I wonder if he's just testing my loyalty. If I say yes, I'm worried I will fail his test and he will dump me.
3. I want to do this, but I'm worried that he is only proposing this because he wants to cheat, and will use this as an excuse to fuck other women. I don't want him to do that.
All of these fears prevent her from acting on her true desire, "I want to do this, but..." The only thing that can put these fears to rest in a woman's mind is confidence and assertiveness from her man. That's why I often encourage men to be honest, straightforward, and unapologetic about what they want. You might be hesitating because you don't want to rush her, but that can easily be interpreted as a lack of clarity or certainty on your part, which creates uncertainty in her, and allows the fears above to linger. If you want to help dispel her fear and uncertainty and enable her to act on her true desires, you’ll need to be more clear and confident in expressing yours.”
DBF: What should I say?
Em: I would suggest something like. "One of my biggest turn-ons is imagining you cumming with a hung black stud. I would love to see you experiencing that kind of extreme pleasure. And, I think it would bring us closer together because we’d share a very naughty, secret experience. A lot of couples do it. But if you don't want to do it, I understand, and we don't have to. You should also know: My fantasy is to see you with a black man, or as many black men as you desire, but I would never want to be with any other woman except you. I love you and I'm devoted to you and your pleasure."
DBF: What a great explanation, I never thought about all of these things. I feel bad now, she must think I play some sort of evil game with her, I really don't. I want just all of these things you wrote at the end.
Em: Not your fault. This is just how the mind of a woman works. Men often don't realize...women's minds work differently than yours. We get caught up in worries and anxieties and these keep us trapped in our heads. We need men, in fact we DEPEND on men - decisive, confident, assertive men - to help us take action. That's why women are attracted to confident, arrogant douche-bags - because we can rely on their certainty and assertiveness to get us out of our heads and into the risk-taking required to live out our dreams.
DBF: Thank you.
Em: Good luck, and keep me posted please.
What a lot of men don't understand about women is that we are in our heads a lot of the time -- a swirl of thoughts and feelings and anxieties. We talk ourselves in- and out- of action, talk ourselves in circles really, on a moment to moment basis. Don't get me wrong - I'm a strong woman, a feminist, and believe women have many strengths that men don't. But taking decisive action, especially when risk is involved, does not come naturally -- no matter how *big* (and black) the payoff might be.
After I tell guys that their woman has probably already fantasized about a dominant, athletic, hung black man, they still want a step-by-step on to how to get started. Here's excerpts from recent chats I've had with young men (20-somethings) who are trying to get their women warmed-up to the idea...
Devoted BF (DBF): Hey, saw your profile and wanted to say hi! I'm a young guy with a gf of the same age. For a while I got into interracial videos (mostly BBC) and I slowly started to imagine my gf in them. You think that's a common thing?
Em: Much more common than you think, and a frequently unspoken fantasy among us girls. Wouldnt be surprised if your gf has already considered it.
DBF: Interesting. I'm trying to think of ways to give hints and introduce her to the idea from my side. I like what you wrote about women on your profile, that a good relationship could need two men. I'm an average white guy in size and not very dominant, but caring. Thinking of my gf experiencing much more pleasure from a black guy is stuck on my mind
Em: Easiest way to introduce the idea is to watch IR porn together. Then introduce BBC related dirty talk and perhaps a big black dildo. In my experience, the woman almost always becomes interested. Try watching these videos together…
Silindi
DBF: That sounds great, I will check it out and see if she likes it
Em: Also if it ever gets to the point where your gf has questions about bbc or the sharing lifestyle, I'm happy to chat with her, too. I've counseled many women thru their first experiences.
[later]
DBF: I watched the videos with her and she enjoyed it, she was visibly turned on. She was really horny after watching.
Em: That's great! I think you are on your way to living your fantasy! Next time, when she's very turned on, start some dirty talk like, "You would look so sexy taking a big black cock." Or "It would be so hot to watch you doing that." Or, “You want a big black cock, don’t you?” Be sure you are fucking her, eating her, or fingering her while you say it.
DBF: It's very encouraging to get advice from an experienced woman. I will keep watching IR videos with her and whisper her these things into her ear when we do it.
Em: Hows it going. Any progress?
DBF: At the moment I keep watching IR videos with her, she seems to fully enjoy them. I mentioned a few sentences like "you would look so sexy taking a bbc" when we were horny and she smiled. Until now she only shows positive reactions to anything related to IR
Em: You're a lucky man. She's ready. But are you sure you want to open Pandora’s Box?
DBF: I want this to happen, but I don’t want to push her too hard or too fast. I'm also thinking if she is enjoying herself, a black man enjoying her and me watching her would be so hot and satisfying for everyone. I don’t know should I keep pushing?
Em: I will share something with you that I recently shared with another young man, in your same situation. He has watched IR porn with his girlfriend, and shared his fantasy by saying "I think you would look hot with a black guy" but nothing more. She said she is "thinking about it" and he told me he "doesn't want to push her." Here is what I told him recently...
“In your situation, when ****** says she's "not sure" or is "needs to think about it" one or more of the following fears are in her mind...
1. I want to do this, but if I do, my bf will think I'm a slut and not love me anymore. He says he wants this, and will still love me afterward, but how can I be sure he will?
2. I want to do this, but I wonder if he's just testing my loyalty. If I say yes, I'm worried I will fail his test and he will dump me.
3. I want to do this, but I'm worried that he is only proposing this because he wants to cheat, and will use this as an excuse to fuck other women. I don't want him to do that.
All of these fears prevent her from acting on her true desire, "I want to do this, but..." The only thing that can put these fears to rest in a woman's mind is confidence and assertiveness from her man. That's why I often encourage men to be honest, straightforward, and unapologetic about what they want. You might be hesitating because you don't want to rush her, but that can easily be interpreted as a lack of clarity or certainty on your part, which creates uncertainty in her, and allows the fears above to linger. If you want to help dispel her fear and uncertainty and enable her to act on her true desires, you’ll need to be more clear and confident in expressing yours.”
DBF: What should I say?
Em: I would suggest something like. "One of my biggest turn-ons is imagining you cumming with a hung black stud. I would love to see you experiencing that kind of extreme pleasure. And, I think it would bring us closer together because we’d share a very naughty, secret experience. A lot of couples do it. But if you don't want to do it, I understand, and we don't have to. You should also know: My fantasy is to see you with a black man, or as many black men as you desire, but I would never want to be with any other woman except you. I love you and I'm devoted to you and your pleasure."
DBF: What a great explanation, I never thought about all of these things. I feel bad now, she must think I play some sort of evil game with her, I really don't. I want just all of these things you wrote at the end.
Em: Not your fault. This is just how the mind of a woman works. Men often don't realize...women's minds work differently than yours. We get caught up in worries and anxieties and these keep us trapped in our heads. We need men, in fact we DEPEND on men - decisive, confident, assertive men - to help us take action. That's why women are attracted to confident, arrogant douche-bags - because we can rely on their certainty and assertiveness to get us out of our heads and into the risk-taking required to live out our dreams.
DBF: Thank you.
Em: Good luck, and keep me posted please.
6 yıl önce
