:( woe is me

i'm 28 and i've only had my dick in a girls pussy 4 times. each time i couldn't get into it because my dick would stay hard, but when i went home i had no problem pulling my dick out and jerking off. as far as sex i don't know what im doing and i was getting tired really fast when i was humping them. what would have been my fifth time came to a halt when i pulled out my dick and the girl noticed that i had some tough skin under the head of my dick. i know it came from years of masterbation and im still looking for ways to get rid of it. im such a loser, i still live at home, have a bullshit part-time job, all i do is jerk off. first it was straight porn, then shemale, then i got into fingering myself, then crossdressers, then gay porn, smh. what i also do is find girls i went to school with and add them to my fake facebook page so can save all of their pics and jerk off to them. i sometimes say mean things about myself while cumming, i tell myself im a piece of shit, i not going to have shit, and that my life isn't worth shit. i don't even feel like jerking off sometimes, it's just that i don't have anything else to do, and i can spend hours jerking my semi-hard dick to porn until i see something that gets my dick hard then i really start jerking off until i cum. i've allowed my addiction to mess up a good job i had. i called out from work twice and gave them a bullshit excuse while standing in an adult movie store. i've recently said, fuck it, and im now looking for a guy who crossdresses at home who i can go and have sex with. my urge to wanna fuck/get fucked, suck/get sucked by a crossdresser is higher than a woman, shemales too, because they act to much like women, but guys who crossdress at home are very private......smh, im such a loser...........