My burden of being a STARR*****

Ever since my hubby and I joined "X", we have found it entertaining on MANY different levels to say the least! Aside from the beautiful pix and porn, the thing we love the most are the stories. REAL stories written by real people about real shit. This section of our profile was not going to be my forum, but since exposing myself to the world here on "X" I feel I've finally, at the age of 40 (should I change my name?!), come full circle with myself and my burden over the past 20 years. And what could possibly be my burden you ask? BEAUTY. Extreme, over the top, in your face BEAUTY. So, if you'd like to hear a story about a real girl with a real "problem", I invite you into MY reality. It wasn't always so beautiful.

Now, before you all go crying and playing the stupid violin at my pity party, open your minds for a bit here. I think what really binds all humans together is the need to feel accepted. Everyone truly wants to fit in (whatever that may mean for you) and generally feel liked. Nobody wants to be stared at, talked about or discriminated against. People do not and should not want to be judged by their looks. But this is something I have dealt with heavily and repeatedly since my early 20's with my ever changing smoking hot body and pretty face that blossomed into a larger than life woman. A goddess if you will. A STARR. Everywhere I go, even on my most of mundane looking days, doing the upmost mundane of all things...I am stared at. I am whispered about among males, I am talked about among females. I see women looking at their man looking at me looking at THEM and wanting to shout, "It's NOT my fault! I'm just trying to get some fresh produce for my family, I SWEAR!" So over the years, unless on a date with my FAB Hubby, I've always dressed a lot less revealing in my day~to~day life, especially after having c***dren. At the gym I don't show my legs. You all know why. I don't want to distract a man or piss off a woman. BUT I still have style and flare and a LOOK that just cannot DOES NOT go unnoticed. I am very tall with such a huge all out personality that even if I had the flu and chicken pox at the same time, it wouldn't matter! I have lost friendships through no fault of my own. I'm sure women have lost an opportunity to become friends with me for the same reason. I used to think people and "Stars" were silly for wearing shades anywhere except outside. Now I live in them in my mundane life doing my mundane things. I can't make eye contact with all of the people that constantly look at me, all of them looking for a different reason. Until NOW. Since being here on "X" and receiving the constant adoration from all of my "friends" in a non threatening manner and from a truly non judgmental place has set me free. I have realized that this is NOT my burden to carry! How people feel about themselves in my presence is not in my control and frankly, none of my business. Let's just say I quit giving a FUCK! And it feels gooood. So, I'm rokkin my mile long sinister thought inducing legs at the gym. I wore a hotass sundress with leg AND cleavage showing to the grocery store! Just as tall and gorgeous and fabulous as I've always been. You know what? The result was the same, but worse. They were all still breaking their necks to look. They were all still talking about me, some good, some bad I'm sure. But you know what? I didnt give a FUCK because I was hiding behind my oh so FABBO blacked out shades cause I'm a STARR*****and baby I was born this way!