In Response To The Older Man Who Wanted To Know Me
July, 2020
Hello,
I just wanted to introduce myself as I see you looked at my profile here.
I enjoyed reading your profile here, you covered many of the items I am looking for in a man. I see you are not married or a widower, I'm sorry for your loss. I know how devastating losing your partner can be. I hope you have many fond memories you can turn to when you need to.
I found many new websites last fall and have spent various amounts of time here, exploring what the site has to offer and chatting with men who are older than my 49 years. My expectations and desires have evolved over the time I have spent here.
With the summer upon us, I find myself spending less time online and more time enjoying the brief break of Wisconsin's bitter winter season. This is the first summer in my home and I have lots of things I'd like to do to it. Time has a way disappearing before I know it, so I've been focusing on taking each day as it comes and trying to look back and see the changes I've been able to make.
As I mentioned earlier, my outlook has evolved on why and what I sign in to many websites like here. At first, I enjoyed the attention I received from so many older men who contacted me and took the time to exchange our sexual desires and needs. Looking back, I loved sharing photos of myself dressed in women's clothes and even turning on my webcam to entertain older men who liked what I had to offer... which was of course as sexual in nature as I could manage by myself.
However, as winter set in, my priorities changed and I spent less and less time here. I am a divorced father of one really awesome k**do, and when the pandemic struck, school was obviously canceled. So, both of us being home together did not lend itself to me having any "Brenda" time to dress and feel the feminine part of me I had been enjoying.
After a long hiatus, I started to feel that familiar, unexplainable desire to again look and feel as feminine as I do inside my mind. Slowly I started to want to feel my body once again look and feel soft and smooth. So I began shaving again, I started with small areas of my body and have been removing more and more hair over the last few months. I prefer to soak in a bubble bath rather than take a shower, I love how feminine the hot water and bubbles make me feel. I've been focusing more on my skin in hopes of softening it. I so enjoy the way it feels when it's more feminine than masculine. I see and feel more in touch with how my mind's eye shows me living my life at some point in the future.
Back to your profile here, your words struck me as confident and sure of yourself. I find that quality attractive to no-end and have always been in relationships with women who possess that trait. I do not suffer indecisiveness well as I have always subscribed to the theory of "Lead, follow or get out of the way."
If you read that carefully, you'll have noticed I've never had a relationship with a man. My upbringing and life experiences have re-inforced into me that same-sex relationships are not acceptable, therefor I have gone along to get along. Like so many in our culture, I have become a master at repression and denying one of my principal tenants of who I am at my core.
As I have learned, repressing that core has not changed my desires and who I am in my heart. It has been only over the last few years I have let myself accept those thoughts and really look at them for what they are. Again, when I was a young adult I thought my desires and ideas meant that I was gay. And I couldn't be gay, it wasn't right, being gay meant I'd never be accepted in our society and I'd be outcast, ridiculed and alone.
So I pushed those feelings down as deep as I could and did everything I could think of that would make me a "Man!" I enjoyed many relationships with beautiful women, married, fathered a beautiful c***d, held positions of authority and power in my career.
But I was never truly happy with what I had with the one true exception, being a father. When my c***d was born, it changed everything for me. Being a father shifted my focus from my happiness to my c***d's.
I'm guessing as a man who is not married or a widower and a man of your age, you too are probably a father and even grandfather by now. So, you likely know the feeling I'm trying to describe.
Today, after seeing my c***d turn 18 and graduating from High School and working through the range of emotions that accompanied those milestones, I've come to realize the next stage in my life is starting to take shape and I am realizing I will soon be able to decide how much effort I am willing to expend on finding my happiness and what exactly that looks like.
I do know that I am not gay. As I have stopped rejecting and repressing my feelings, I have accepted I do indeed lean more to the feminine side of me than the masculine. And trust me, that took a whole lot of reflection to be able to string those words together.
Of course, as a person of the internet age, I have spent thousands of hours consuming pornography. Starting in the mid-'90s, I quickly found every genre of pornography and enjoyed it to my own detriment at times. But what drove me to dig deeper were the movies and pictures of men who were markedly more women than men.
As I became consumed with that genre, I had no idea how or why it struck such a chord within me. All I knew was that seeing a feminine man, wearing women's clothing while submitting himself to the sexual dominance of another man left me so sexually excited I would explode in orgasm after orgasm, as often as I could.
My memory fails me as to when it hit me, but out of no-where I stopped wanting to be the dominant and started to see the submissive as the person I really identified with the most.
I won't bore you with further details regarding that earthshattering realization...
I do love women, I love everything about them, their privilege, their confidence, their beauty, their curves, their attire, their whole place in this world.
And for me, I have accepted that I want to be that for a man in a relationship. I want to be loved like that. I want to open my eyes in the morning and see the sunlight streaming into our bedroom and feel my man's weight laying on the mattress next to me, and feel the heat from his body warming mine. I want to feel his arm lying across my stomach and feel the protection of his embrace.
I want to share my days and life with a man who values me for who I am in my mind and my heart. I want to look into his eyes and see truth and honesty. I want to feel genuine love and care from him, and give him the same feeling in return... because we have each given the truth our hearts have been yearning for.
I have no idea what my man looks like, I don't ever honestly remember seeing a man in public and saying to myself, "That is one handsome man and I'd like to get to know him." The man of my dreams will have more than physical attractiveness, he will have emotional attractiveness, and that is what will win my love and affection.
Isn't that what we are all looking for honestly? Someone, who it has been said: "Completes me?" A Yin for our Yang? A sunrise that compliments our sunset? A dance partner, who will anticipate our next move and facilitate it?
At this point, I've either intrigued you or you've already closed this message.
If however, you've managed to make it this far and enjoyed what I've shared, maybe you will take a few moments and send me a reply that you would be willing to set aside some time to chat and share some time together.
Either way, thank you for taking the time to look at my profile here. I do so enjoy knowing a man such as yourself is out there and searching for someone like me.
Here's to life and love, and our endeavor to experience each,
Brenda
Hello,
I just wanted to introduce myself as I see you looked at my profile here.
I enjoyed reading your profile here, you covered many of the items I am looking for in a man. I see you are not married or a widower, I'm sorry for your loss. I know how devastating losing your partner can be. I hope you have many fond memories you can turn to when you need to.
I found many new websites last fall and have spent various amounts of time here, exploring what the site has to offer and chatting with men who are older than my 49 years. My expectations and desires have evolved over the time I have spent here.
With the summer upon us, I find myself spending less time online and more time enjoying the brief break of Wisconsin's bitter winter season. This is the first summer in my home and I have lots of things I'd like to do to it. Time has a way disappearing before I know it, so I've been focusing on taking each day as it comes and trying to look back and see the changes I've been able to make.
As I mentioned earlier, my outlook has evolved on why and what I sign in to many websites like here. At first, I enjoyed the attention I received from so many older men who contacted me and took the time to exchange our sexual desires and needs. Looking back, I loved sharing photos of myself dressed in women's clothes and even turning on my webcam to entertain older men who liked what I had to offer... which was of course as sexual in nature as I could manage by myself.
However, as winter set in, my priorities changed and I spent less and less time here. I am a divorced father of one really awesome k**do, and when the pandemic struck, school was obviously canceled. So, both of us being home together did not lend itself to me having any "Brenda" time to dress and feel the feminine part of me I had been enjoying.
After a long hiatus, I started to feel that familiar, unexplainable desire to again look and feel as feminine as I do inside my mind. Slowly I started to want to feel my body once again look and feel soft and smooth. So I began shaving again, I started with small areas of my body and have been removing more and more hair over the last few months. I prefer to soak in a bubble bath rather than take a shower, I love how feminine the hot water and bubbles make me feel. I've been focusing more on my skin in hopes of softening it. I so enjoy the way it feels when it's more feminine than masculine. I see and feel more in touch with how my mind's eye shows me living my life at some point in the future.
Back to your profile here, your words struck me as confident and sure of yourself. I find that quality attractive to no-end and have always been in relationships with women who possess that trait. I do not suffer indecisiveness well as I have always subscribed to the theory of "Lead, follow or get out of the way."
If you read that carefully, you'll have noticed I've never had a relationship with a man. My upbringing and life experiences have re-inforced into me that same-sex relationships are not acceptable, therefor I have gone along to get along. Like so many in our culture, I have become a master at repression and denying one of my principal tenants of who I am at my core.
As I have learned, repressing that core has not changed my desires and who I am in my heart. It has been only over the last few years I have let myself accept those thoughts and really look at them for what they are. Again, when I was a young adult I thought my desires and ideas meant that I was gay. And I couldn't be gay, it wasn't right, being gay meant I'd never be accepted in our society and I'd be outcast, ridiculed and alone.
So I pushed those feelings down as deep as I could and did everything I could think of that would make me a "Man!" I enjoyed many relationships with beautiful women, married, fathered a beautiful c***d, held positions of authority and power in my career.
But I was never truly happy with what I had with the one true exception, being a father. When my c***d was born, it changed everything for me. Being a father shifted my focus from my happiness to my c***d's.
I'm guessing as a man who is not married or a widower and a man of your age, you too are probably a father and even grandfather by now. So, you likely know the feeling I'm trying to describe.
Today, after seeing my c***d turn 18 and graduating from High School and working through the range of emotions that accompanied those milestones, I've come to realize the next stage in my life is starting to take shape and I am realizing I will soon be able to decide how much effort I am willing to expend on finding my happiness and what exactly that looks like.
I do know that I am not gay. As I have stopped rejecting and repressing my feelings, I have accepted I do indeed lean more to the feminine side of me than the masculine. And trust me, that took a whole lot of reflection to be able to string those words together.
Of course, as a person of the internet age, I have spent thousands of hours consuming pornography. Starting in the mid-'90s, I quickly found every genre of pornography and enjoyed it to my own detriment at times. But what drove me to dig deeper were the movies and pictures of men who were markedly more women than men.
As I became consumed with that genre, I had no idea how or why it struck such a chord within me. All I knew was that seeing a feminine man, wearing women's clothing while submitting himself to the sexual dominance of another man left me so sexually excited I would explode in orgasm after orgasm, as often as I could.
My memory fails me as to when it hit me, but out of no-where I stopped wanting to be the dominant and started to see the submissive as the person I really identified with the most.
I won't bore you with further details regarding that earthshattering realization...
I do love women, I love everything about them, their privilege, their confidence, their beauty, their curves, their attire, their whole place in this world.
And for me, I have accepted that I want to be that for a man in a relationship. I want to be loved like that. I want to open my eyes in the morning and see the sunlight streaming into our bedroom and feel my man's weight laying on the mattress next to me, and feel the heat from his body warming mine. I want to feel his arm lying across my stomach and feel the protection of his embrace.
I want to share my days and life with a man who values me for who I am in my mind and my heart. I want to look into his eyes and see truth and honesty. I want to feel genuine love and care from him, and give him the same feeling in return... because we have each given the truth our hearts have been yearning for.
I have no idea what my man looks like, I don't ever honestly remember seeing a man in public and saying to myself, "That is one handsome man and I'd like to get to know him." The man of my dreams will have more than physical attractiveness, he will have emotional attractiveness, and that is what will win my love and affection.
Isn't that what we are all looking for honestly? Someone, who it has been said: "Completes me?" A Yin for our Yang? A sunrise that compliments our sunset? A dance partner, who will anticipate our next move and facilitate it?
At this point, I've either intrigued you or you've already closed this message.
If however, you've managed to make it this far and enjoyed what I've shared, maybe you will take a few moments and send me a reply that you would be willing to set aside some time to chat and share some time together.
Either way, thank you for taking the time to look at my profile here. I do so enjoy knowing a man such as yourself is out there and searching for someone like me.
Here's to life and love, and our endeavor to experience each,
Brenda
4 года назад
