My News 1.11.2022 Apology Edition

I am 100% apologetic from pulling My last post

It was totally incohesive and I ended up just posting digital ramblings

I had about the worst, the only way to say it, confrontation with My Emirati Father ever

4 hours of being exposed of who I am, in no uncertain terms

I basically won about 2% of it (that is one shitty record)

Unless You are into self-flagellation or are a masochist

It is not fun at all, to be called out on Your behavior

They are the only family I have

I have not been in contact at all with My birth family in 40 Years

I will not go into why I ended up as an adopted Daughter, suffice it to say I am

I was told exactly by My Father, what I have been doing and done, for the last 12 Years since I left the UAE

I tried to explain, that I am completely Fucked up in My head (not the best excuse)

I eventually arrived in Tel Aviv and I cancelled 3 days of filming (Paid everyone out of My pocket)

My mind simply was not there

Anger and Emotion

Anger at Myself and just plain guilty and shamed

Took Me till Today, to regain any focus and now I will go on from here

Shit, I am one Hell of a downer now

It is after all, of My own making and that I will correct and own

It is embarrassing to be told that, I have lost Discipline, I am Self-Centered, Promiscuous, an Alcoholic and do not contribute to Society at all

So, as usual I lied and acted ignorant

"I do not know why I act like that"

" And I guess You are right"

A time machine back to 40 Years ago

It never really works at all

So here I am, evaluating it All

Went back to My worst habits (drinking and smoking) and spent all My time in My own self-imposed jail cell, reliving it all

Out of the 9 Years living with My Emirati family, I was only Disobedient twice

Of the two, I was completely Blackout Drunk

Not in any stretch of the imagination, My finest Hour

I stole a car out out the garage at 1:00 AM, drove it into the ground and do not remember half of it

How the Fuck I got back home is beyond Me

Got up the next Morning and looked in My mirror

How the Fuck, did I get a black eye, a bruised chin and sc****d hands

Found out later, that I left the 3 bottles of V*dka and 2 packs of empty cigarettes on the passenger side floor (Amélie the utter DumbFuck)

And I left the car in the middle of the driveway, keys in the ignition (Shoutout to Jesus, I did not dent it or wreck it)

I ended up confined to My bedroom for 4 months (besides still going to work) and where the Hell are the Whips and My Stoning ??

And so, after all of My disobedient behavior,

Somehow, I am sure I can outthink it all and at least get what I want in the end



Me, how I looked at one point in the UAE (around 34 Years old at the time of this photo in France)

Full of My own Shit as usual