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For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six c***dren: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and… Lees meer

It seems there is a fresh wind blowing. All at once I noticed that some new xH administrators are actually communicating with the users. Personally I was a tad shocked by this. The communications administrator: http://xhamster.com/user/lynxxHamster did what is in the job description. I had a very pleasant conversation and the lady divulged that once again xH is getting a site redesign. They will also implement a communications board where I assume xH news will be communicated to us like (hopefully) when the site is experiencing technical problems. Lynxxhamster said this:" The w… Lees meer

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I… Lees meer

“A man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their anniversary night, at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The man replies, "Madge, hon, that's because they are sitting in your soup.” A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps i… Lees meer

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui=2&ik=97ed4ed1b0&view=f… Lees meer

Wife hit her husband with frying pan. Husband: What was that for…? Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it. Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse. Wife: Sorry..! Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again Husband: What now..? Wife: Your horse is on the Phone. A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a c*** for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if… Lees meer

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find ou… Lees meer

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been sn… Lees meer

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was of… Lees meer

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." A woman gets on a bus with her b… Lees meer

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9… Lees meer

A new Vacuum Cleaner salesman knocked at the door…. A lady opened it. Before she could speak… The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow shit on the carpet. Salesman: If I couldn't clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this shit! Lady: Do you need Ketchup with that? Salesman: But why ? Lady: Because there's no electricity in the house! A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said: "Stay here and be very Quiet. I'll be across the field." A few minutes later the father… Lees meer

One of my favourite poems Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message, He is Dead, Put crépe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song, I thought that love would last forever: 'I was wrong'… Lees meer

Goddess of truth and justice I WILL CONTROL MY THOUGHTS I WILL CONTROL MY ACTIONS I WILL HAVE DEVOTION OF PURPOSE I WILL HAVE FAITH IN THE ABILITY OF THE MASTER TO TEACH THE TRUTH I WILL HAVE FAITH IN MY ABILITY TO ASSIMILATE THE TRUTH I WILL HAVE FAITH IN MY ABILITY TO WIELD THE TRUTH I WILL BE FREE FROM RESENTMENT UNDER THE EXPERIENCE OF PERSECUTION I WILL BE FREE FROM RESENTMENT UNDER THE EXEPERIENCE OF WRONG DOING I WILL CULTIVATE THE ABILITY TO DISTINGUISH RIGHT FROM WRONG I WILL CULTIVA… Lees meer

I received this in my mail and it cracked me up. Yeah, absolutely, I want a real friend like that. :D Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces here - just the stone cold truth of our friendship. 1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you s… Lees meer

. These are the things people actually said in courts, taken down and published by court reporters - who suffered the torment of trying to keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don't miss the last one. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memor… Lees meer

- One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. - A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, " Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out." - Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband… Lees meer

A GIRL'S PRAYER Lord, Before I lay me down to sleep, I want a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's willy's thick and long. One who thinks before he speaks, One who calls, and won't wait weeks. I pray that he's not unemployed, So when I blow his cash, he's not annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man, who will make love to my mind, Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big is my behind?" One who'll make love t… Lees meer

How To Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 3. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 4. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 5. Get in the shower. 6. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 7. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vi… Lees meer

I was revisiting my old e-mails and found this adorable piece. I hope you enjoy its ingenuity as much as I did! :) If you need a laugh, then read these c***dren Science Exam answers. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant and… Lees meer

A. A. A. D. D. --- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take o… Lees meer

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be… Lees meer

Why do I have a variety of friends who are all different in character ? Some of them can be considered marginal even ? How do I get on with them all? I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me. With one of them I am a polite, good girl. I joke with another friend. I sit down and talk about serious matters with one of them. With another I giggle at every silly thing. I have my wine with one And dance with another. I listen to one friend's problems and give her advice. Then I listen to another advising me. They are all like pieces of a jigsaw. When complet… Lees meer

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him. “I don’t understand,” he said. His mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” “All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?” God said: “Whe… Lees meer

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray to… Lees meer

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one, which has been opened for us. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, be… Lees meer

​I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So, think ab… Lees meer

As a tribute to my added on Friends. My Video & Photo galleries Favorites are my friends hand picked Ones that they love and are extremely proud of- My friends are all.A sexually diverse lot,and Pinky respects this even though a lot of the stuff will not be my cup of tea, variety is the spice of life,and others,will find sexually stimulating,and this is a porn site,so enjoy have fun- Friends please e-mail me with the type video or photo Gallery title and page number or direct links only your uploaded stuff not your favorites To spice up the pages,so not one person has a… Lees meer