Tiffany's ramblings who i am , what I need an

So i haven't written any rambling journals lately but i think there are a few things i need to get off my chest. I have no idea where i am going on this one.

First don't worry about me I'm a survivor so I'll figure this shit our eventually. Let me say to start that I am jealous as fuck of all you who have good relationships and even more so if you both are supportive of this lifestyle and legitimately are having fun. I learned a long time ago that i suck at relationships and as a result live in a bit of personal purgatory. Well, let me rephrase that ... It's hard to get to my inner circle but if you do then i'd do anything for you. I am constantly torn between wanting someone serious in my life and wanting to tell everyone to fuck off ... lol I've been fucked over badly by my ex and it created serious trust issues. If and when i find that right person they are in for a real treat because inside i am dying to full give myself to someone one again.

I have no idea if that person will be another trans or CIS woman or a guy. At this point to be honest, I don't see getting attached to a guy, i just can't handle most of your drama. I'm at the point where i want my guys to be fit, hung and around when i want you for party and fucking or purposes only. I guess that's not totally true, i would love a could reliable guys that i can get to be friends with to help take me through the things i want to experiment with and experience sexually. (I'll revisit that someday soon.) And to be honest .. I still love a big dick. hahah. I'm not really interested in hairy guys in panties calling themselves cd or trans.

I do feel like i can emotional bond with another Trans or CIS woman because i think like they do and am dying for more girlfriends so i can be me. I also think they can provide the emotional support i need to fully transition which my head tells me i want to do but insecurities and lack of support structure have me crippled in doing. I'm really suffering a lot from dysphoria these days ... i can't see a pretty woman when i look at myself anymore, i see an ugly overweight person that i don't want to see. I thought i was over that then this COVID lockdown and year of hell hit and i feel like i have taken 3 steps backwards. I pray this all ends so I can get back out around people again and start fixing this crap running around in my head ...

Well if you lasted this long, thank you for caring ! I rarely get much feedback which in itself is depressing, we all want affirmation don't we ... I really hope you'll take a few minutes to let me know what you think. ;)

Kisses Tiffany ;)