Just uploaded new pics. Hope you like them. Sorry I haven't been in here, but hubby getting over protective...:-(...He needs a new life, and so do I...lol

Know me and understand me.
I grew up in a small town of 500 people. My parents were not rich and I had sisters who were Korean. Needless to say in a bigoted town; I was bullied constantly, beat up, ran over with cars, made fun of. Ignoring them until they stopped didn't do any good, so I resorted to with their personal family issues. It stopped. I consider myself a "Bullied Survivor". Growing up that way though had its side effects on me as well. I was promiscuous in my early twenties and even into my late twenties. I had a few one night stands, some coyote arm-stands as well. I remember most of them.
I lost my virginity when I was 19 years old. I wasn't saving myself for marriage, (thank god), but I wasn't going to get knocked up and have my parents raise my either. Shortly after I gave my virginity away to a college guy out for another knotch on his totem pole, I was . It took me years to get over that. I finally did though, no longer afraid to go somewhere by myself, no longer afraid to talk to new people, and no longer afraid to tell another man off, when he deserves it, either.
However, due to that encounter, I had to get a partial hysterectomy and couldn't bear . So I began to wonder, "what is my purpose on this earth"? From the looks of me, you would swear that my body underwent , but it hasn't. I have never had a refer to me as "mommy". My husband hates it that I spoil my dogs so much but to me, they are my babies. They depend on me for everything...food, shelter, love, not so much unlike a ...but they will never be independent either.
I married at age 32, was so in love at the time. Here I am 46 and I wish I had never gotten married. I'm in a controlling, one-sided affair. Because I made it known that I want to have more than one man for sex, I don't have any sex. After being accused of cheating, and holding sex as a for years, and this is what I'm reduced to. This is why I'm fat, this is why I have no self esteem, this is why I am afraid to leave, yet want to so badly. On my salary, I cannot make it on my own, but so desperately want to escape and just fuck a stranger for a while. Is there something wrong with me? Does this mean I am a slut?
So many different feelings are swimming inside my mind, and I have no answers. Maybe my friends on here will have some insightful answers for me. If all you will write is short, rooting comments, please don't. I need someone to feel what I am feeling and answer to my questions. What would you do? How would you, in today's economy be able to get away and get on your own? I have no family anymore, I disowned them for treating me like a common criminal. I have never been in jail, have never had a ticket for anything. I did, however, sell alcohol to a in a sting operation, but that is all on my record. I'm a good person, who cares for people I have never met, so why am I supposed to stay in such a stagnant relationship and be celibate the rest of my life?????

I have a lot of friends' requests, but would really like to see some faces. The no-pic requests, don't get your hopes up, and the "just cock" pics...give more information, like your face, Please?

To the people I reject as friends...Please just post a picture of yourself, it's not that hard to do so, k?