So you want to be a girl? Part I
Ready to do this?
So you want to be a girl? If you're uncomfortable the way you are, or even if you're just curious, there's nothing stopping you from living a better life.
We can’t change your gender, but we can help you discover who you’ve always been.
Common objections
Perhaps you hadn't realized that you even could be a girl. Maybe you don't feel like one quite yet. Or maybe you even feel like you're not good enough to be a girl.
Don't worry about it too much! All new girls are likely to have reservations. Here are some frequent newbie objections you may have:
But I don’t feel like a woman!
That’s OK, and it doesn’t change the fact that you could be a woman inside. It’s totally normal not to feel like a woman all the time. If you feel depressed or anxious because you don’t feel like a woman but you wish you did, that feeling is called gender dysphoria, and we have some resources to help you manage this feeling below.
But just because I want to be a woman doesn’t mean that I actually can be one!
As a fundamental truth, we hold that gender is always self-identified. In fact, self-identification is the only meaningful way to determine gender. This means that nobody but you can say whether you’re a man, a woman, or anything else. If there’s any part of you that wants to be a woman, that could mean that you’re not comfortable with the gender you were assigned at birth. Please take a while to sit with that feeling and learn what it’s trying to tell you. Be what you wish you could be.
But I’m too old to be a woman!
Nobody’s too old to transition into a woman’s life. People at the ages of 8, 28, and 80 have transitioned to live successful, fulfilling lives as women. The best time to start would have been when you were younger, but the second best time is today. You owe this to yourself no matter where and when you start from.
But else nobody will ever see me as a woman! I’ll never pass!
Looking like a woman according to society's standards is a skill that you can learn and practice. You’ll get better at learning what works for you and what doesn’t. Until you get the hang of it, focus on yourself! Just start with what makes you feel comfortable. Presenting femininely is hard even for cis women to learn!
But I don’t have the right to be a woman!
Everyone has the right to live as the gender that makes them the happiest in terms of roles / expressions in society. There’s no inherent value toward being female, just as there’s no inherent value in being male. The only person who benefits or is harmed by living as a woman is you, so please don’t let yourself live as a martyr for society’s sake. We just want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I don’t know if I want to be a woman or if I just don’t want to be a man!
That’s totally valid. Maybe you might not be sure whether you’re drawn toward femininity, or if you just want to avoid masculinity.
You don’t have to have all the answers yet. Just guide yourself toward whatever helps you feel more comfortable. If you find yourself feeling alienated by masculinity but not necessarily attracted to femininity, you could be nonbinary or gender nonconforming. That’s totally okay! This particular page centers the experiences of binary trans women, but you’re valid no matter how you identify. Maybe your answer might even change later as you come to understand yourself a little better.
This is so stupid! What difference could a game on a website make?
You’re right. We can’t magically alter your body or your memories over the Internet. But that’s not the point. We can’t make you wish you were a woman, but we can help you re-discover any pre-existing wish if you have one, and we can give you some advice to help you connect with that wish and nurture it if you want. Your wish to be a woman is what matters in the end. Not some silly website game.
Think about it this way: if you were secure living as your assigned gender, you’d be completely immune to all of this. You’d read this page, laugh, forget about it, and simply move on with your life. But if this sticks in your mind, sit with that feeling a little until you can understand what it’s trying to tell you.
But I’m not sure if I want to be a woman or if I’m just envious / jealous!
What’s the difference? If you’re envious or jealous of the way women present themselves, relate to others, or live their lives, that jealousy itself could be trying to tell you something. Take a moment to consider what that might mean for you. It’s common for women who are just starting out to feel jealous of their more confident colleagues and peers.
But I’m not gay / straight / bisexual / asexual / etc!
That’s OK. Your gender and your sexual orientation are completely separate; they have nothing to do with each other. This is probably the hardest part for cis folks to understand: being trans doesn’t mean you’re gay, straight, or anything else. It is somewhat common for folks to repress sexual orientation at the same time as they repress their own gender identity, but we know trans folks who date men, women, nonbinary folks, anybody, or no one at all. It’s all totally fine.
But being trans is a trend!
If it is a trend, it’s a very old one. Trans people have existed throughout all times in all cultures but haven’t enjoyed mainstream support and consciousness until very recently.
To give an example, the Jewish philosopher Kalonymous ben Kalonymous wrote about the desire to be a girl in the 14th century. An earlier example from the third century is the Roman Emperor, Elagabalus. According to (Denny, 2013), Elagabalus “... was described as having been ‘delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles’ and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.” If that isn’t gender euphoria, we don’t know what is.
So you want to be a girl? If you're uncomfortable the way you are, or even if you're just curious, there's nothing stopping you from living a better life.
We can’t change your gender, but we can help you discover who you’ve always been.
Common objections
Perhaps you hadn't realized that you even could be a girl. Maybe you don't feel like one quite yet. Or maybe you even feel like you're not good enough to be a girl.
Don't worry about it too much! All new girls are likely to have reservations. Here are some frequent newbie objections you may have:
But I don’t feel like a woman!
That’s OK, and it doesn’t change the fact that you could be a woman inside. It’s totally normal not to feel like a woman all the time. If you feel depressed or anxious because you don’t feel like a woman but you wish you did, that feeling is called gender dysphoria, and we have some resources to help you manage this feeling below.
But just because I want to be a woman doesn’t mean that I actually can be one!
As a fundamental truth, we hold that gender is always self-identified. In fact, self-identification is the only meaningful way to determine gender. This means that nobody but you can say whether you’re a man, a woman, or anything else. If there’s any part of you that wants to be a woman, that could mean that you’re not comfortable with the gender you were assigned at birth. Please take a while to sit with that feeling and learn what it’s trying to tell you. Be what you wish you could be.
But I’m too old to be a woman!
Nobody’s too old to transition into a woman’s life. People at the ages of 8, 28, and 80 have transitioned to live successful, fulfilling lives as women. The best time to start would have been when you were younger, but the second best time is today. You owe this to yourself no matter where and when you start from.
But else nobody will ever see me as a woman! I’ll never pass!
Looking like a woman according to society's standards is a skill that you can learn and practice. You’ll get better at learning what works for you and what doesn’t. Until you get the hang of it, focus on yourself! Just start with what makes you feel comfortable. Presenting femininely is hard even for cis women to learn!
But I don’t have the right to be a woman!
Everyone has the right to live as the gender that makes them the happiest in terms of roles / expressions in society. There’s no inherent value toward being female, just as there’s no inherent value in being male. The only person who benefits or is harmed by living as a woman is you, so please don’t let yourself live as a martyr for society’s sake. We just want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I don’t know if I want to be a woman or if I just don’t want to be a man!
That’s totally valid. Maybe you might not be sure whether you’re drawn toward femininity, or if you just want to avoid masculinity.
You don’t have to have all the answers yet. Just guide yourself toward whatever helps you feel more comfortable. If you find yourself feeling alienated by masculinity but not necessarily attracted to femininity, you could be nonbinary or gender nonconforming. That’s totally okay! This particular page centers the experiences of binary trans women, but you’re valid no matter how you identify. Maybe your answer might even change later as you come to understand yourself a little better.
This is so stupid! What difference could a game on a website make?
You’re right. We can’t magically alter your body or your memories over the Internet. But that’s not the point. We can’t make you wish you were a woman, but we can help you re-discover any pre-existing wish if you have one, and we can give you some advice to help you connect with that wish and nurture it if you want. Your wish to be a woman is what matters in the end. Not some silly website game.
Think about it this way: if you were secure living as your assigned gender, you’d be completely immune to all of this. You’d read this page, laugh, forget about it, and simply move on with your life. But if this sticks in your mind, sit with that feeling a little until you can understand what it’s trying to tell you.
But I’m not sure if I want to be a woman or if I’m just envious / jealous!
What’s the difference? If you’re envious or jealous of the way women present themselves, relate to others, or live their lives, that jealousy itself could be trying to tell you something. Take a moment to consider what that might mean for you. It’s common for women who are just starting out to feel jealous of their more confident colleagues and peers.
But I’m not gay / straight / bisexual / asexual / etc!
That’s OK. Your gender and your sexual orientation are completely separate; they have nothing to do with each other. This is probably the hardest part for cis folks to understand: being trans doesn’t mean you’re gay, straight, or anything else. It is somewhat common for folks to repress sexual orientation at the same time as they repress their own gender identity, but we know trans folks who date men, women, nonbinary folks, anybody, or no one at all. It’s all totally fine.
But being trans is a trend!
If it is a trend, it’s a very old one. Trans people have existed throughout all times in all cultures but haven’t enjoyed mainstream support and consciousness until very recently.
To give an example, the Jewish philosopher Kalonymous ben Kalonymous wrote about the desire to be a girl in the 14th century. An earlier example from the third century is the Roman Emperor, Elagabalus. According to (Denny, 2013), Elagabalus “... was described as having been ‘delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles’ and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.” If that isn’t gender euphoria, we don’t know what is.
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