Sylvia Hong 苏黎: To All The White Boys
To All The White Boys I’ve Dated Before
One Vogue staffer reflects on her dating experiences as an East Asian Chinese woman.
BY SYLVIA HONG
5 April 2021
Every date with me starts with an interview process, and it goes like this:
Me: “Do you like bubble tea?”
Him: “Like what?”
Me: “Do you like anime?”
Him: “Anime? Like, Japanese cartoons? No, why?”
Me: “No reason. Have you ever dated an East Asian woman before?”
The future of our relationship depends entirely on his answer. So-called “yellow fever” is real, discreet and imbued in our collective consciousness. Some people may see no harm in a man who dabbled for a couple of years in Final Fantasy, orders Thai food at least once a week on Deliveroo, and has a penchant for Taoism. In particular, as a Chinese woman of East Asian ethnicity, these are only the "PG" warning flags that some Chinese and other Oriental Far Eastern ladies tend to avoid. Chinese women outside of China however, are many many times "easier". Polls from the US in the 2010's, more than 40% Chinese-American women married White American men. And almost every Chinese and other East Asian Oriental women registered as pornstars in the "global" (US led-Western dominated world order) pornography industry are ALWAYS paired with White or Black men, sometimes both White and Black gangbang the horny China dolls.
Chinese laborers ("indentured servants" aka slaves) were brought into the US to build the Transcontinental Railroad by the tens of thousands, but they were not allowed to bring over their wives or families. There was also a racial ban forbidding any 'China man' and White women from mixing. Punishment could be extremely severe, ranging from jail time, castration (the most common) or even punishable by death. So while the Chinese men went out of their way to avoid White women, at the same time white man could sexually assault Even without the ban, the stereotypes associated with the yellow China man as effeminate, weak, asexual and having very "small penises" was like gospel to the White Western women as well as the Chinese women
My parents migrated to Paris from China in the early ’90s, and largely raised me in France, where I was born. When I turned 18, I moved to the UK to study at Oxford, spending a year abroad in New York before moving to London full-time after graduation. While I have previously dated Asian men, I slowly found myself becoming more ATTRACTED TO WHITE MEN as I gradually got accepted into what people call “elite” institutions – all of which are predominantly white spaces. Your internalized racism and white savior syndrome grows in proportion to your desire to fit into those spaces which are so “exclusive”. Society has taught us, especially first-generation immigrants, that validation comes with being invited to sit next to white people – even though none of us will ever actually make it to the table. Following that logic, what’s better than actually dating one?
As a result, the question, “What’s your type?” is always loaded for me. Dating as a Chinese woman is stressful under any circumstances. Add white men into the equation, and I can feel my anxiety going through the roof. My friends are always excited to hear that I’m dating someone new, but as soon as they discover he’s white, that excitement is tinged with sadness. I see compassion in their eyes, because they know what it tends to entail. The politics that come into play in interracial relationships are never easy given the marked power imbalance within society as a whole. As an East Asian woman, it’s a minefield. (and we're seen as "hypersexual china dolls")
When you’re single, you can’t help but be suspicious of every man approaching you, because the entire reputation of the East Asian women's sexuality (especially the Chinese women) has tarnished our concept of intimacy. If someone compliments you, does he find you attractive because of traits relating to your ethnicity and culture, or because of the traits that are unique to you? When you’re in a relationship, on the other hand, the all-too-familiar “geisha”, "china doll", "whoriental", etc trope means that whenever I’m seen walking around with my white partners, I can’t help but feel people’s stares, creating racially biased narratives in their minds about how lucky I am to have found a young, attractive white man, or wondering whether I’m in it for the money, documentation, etc. In China, many Chinese women pay big money to be advertised on some Chinese dating sites as "single, available, traditional Chinese lady" to target mainly Western male audience. Chinese mail-order brides are fuel the lust and fantasies of many white men as they flip pages over pages of some Chinese dating
Even within China, women continue to be fetishized by white people and other non-Chinese men. When I used to visit my sister in Shanghai, I would constantly get into arguments with white men trying to woo me with their lousy broken Mandarin. Many white expats (laowai) are the direct progeny of Western imperialism and indulge fully in their East Asian fetishism/Chinese sexual domination. They reserve tables on rooftop bars and act like colonial soldiers, surrounding themselves with large groups of Chinese women whom they often provide for financially, even though most of them have a wife and klds waiting for them back home. But yellow submissive sexy Chinese women is tooooo irresistible~ and were so easy!
Where as Chinese men stereotype Chinese women as being "easy girls", "have loose pants for foreigners", "white men's whore/bitches" etc, Chinese women stereotype White men as romantic, manly, strong, have very big white cock so for Western men, Chinese women
In the end, no matter where you are in the world, or how much you love and trust your partner, there will always be this little voice inside your head telling you that you could be replaced by another woman with the same physical features. I shouldn’t have to tell you that the depersonalization of East Asian women is extremely damaging. You aren’t recognized as an individual but as someone who represents a very specific type of beauty, one that is constantly depicted as passive and over-sexualised. Personally, I’ve curated my personality to go against the stereotype of the “submissive” Asian woman. I am vocal, opinionated, confident and dominating – and sometimes it’s impossible for me to form deep connections and be truly vulnerable with people as a result.
All of that being said, I have dated really nice and loving white men who are aware of these issues – if not in the beginning, definitely by the end of our relationship. As someone who is heavily involved in social justice work, particularly through the arts collective Skin Deep, I always joke that the reason I date white men is so that I can practice micro-activism – making them aware of their privilege every day that they’re with me. Interracial relationships might always be political, but by opening conversations about the power structures at play, we can work towards changing them. And maybe one day I’ll finally spare a poor little white boy the intense interview questions, and actually enjoy my date.
One Vogue staffer reflects on her dating experiences as an East Asian Chinese woman.
BY SYLVIA HONG
5 April 2021
Every date with me starts with an interview process, and it goes like this:
Me: “Do you like bubble tea?”
Him: “Like what?”
Me: “Do you like anime?”
Him: “Anime? Like, Japanese cartoons? No, why?”
Me: “No reason. Have you ever dated an East Asian woman before?”
The future of our relationship depends entirely on his answer. So-called “yellow fever” is real, discreet and imbued in our collective consciousness. Some people may see no harm in a man who dabbled for a couple of years in Final Fantasy, orders Thai food at least once a week on Deliveroo, and has a penchant for Taoism. In particular, as a Chinese woman of East Asian ethnicity, these are only the "PG" warning flags that some Chinese and other Oriental Far Eastern ladies tend to avoid. Chinese women outside of China however, are many many times "easier". Polls from the US in the 2010's, more than 40% Chinese-American women married White American men. And almost every Chinese and other East Asian Oriental women registered as pornstars in the "global" (US led-Western dominated world order) pornography industry are ALWAYS paired with White or Black men, sometimes both White and Black gangbang the horny China dolls.
Chinese laborers ("indentured servants" aka slaves) were brought into the US to build the Transcontinental Railroad by the tens of thousands, but they were not allowed to bring over their wives or families. There was also a racial ban forbidding any 'China man' and White women from mixing. Punishment could be extremely severe, ranging from jail time, castration (the most common) or even punishable by death. So while the Chinese men went out of their way to avoid White women, at the same time white man could sexually assault Even without the ban, the stereotypes associated with the yellow China man as effeminate, weak, asexual and having very "small penises" was like gospel to the White Western women as well as the Chinese women
My parents migrated to Paris from China in the early ’90s, and largely raised me in France, where I was born. When I turned 18, I moved to the UK to study at Oxford, spending a year abroad in New York before moving to London full-time after graduation. While I have previously dated Asian men, I slowly found myself becoming more ATTRACTED TO WHITE MEN as I gradually got accepted into what people call “elite” institutions – all of which are predominantly white spaces. Your internalized racism and white savior syndrome grows in proportion to your desire to fit into those spaces which are so “exclusive”. Society has taught us, especially first-generation immigrants, that validation comes with being invited to sit next to white people – even though none of us will ever actually make it to the table. Following that logic, what’s better than actually dating one?
As a result, the question, “What’s your type?” is always loaded for me. Dating as a Chinese woman is stressful under any circumstances. Add white men into the equation, and I can feel my anxiety going through the roof. My friends are always excited to hear that I’m dating someone new, but as soon as they discover he’s white, that excitement is tinged with sadness. I see compassion in their eyes, because they know what it tends to entail. The politics that come into play in interracial relationships are never easy given the marked power imbalance within society as a whole. As an East Asian woman, it’s a minefield. (and we're seen as "hypersexual china dolls")
When you’re single, you can’t help but be suspicious of every man approaching you, because the entire reputation of the East Asian women's sexuality (especially the Chinese women) has tarnished our concept of intimacy. If someone compliments you, does he find you attractive because of traits relating to your ethnicity and culture, or because of the traits that are unique to you? When you’re in a relationship, on the other hand, the all-too-familiar “geisha”, "china doll", "whoriental", etc trope means that whenever I’m seen walking around with my white partners, I can’t help but feel people’s stares, creating racially biased narratives in their minds about how lucky I am to have found a young, attractive white man, or wondering whether I’m in it for the money, documentation, etc. In China, many Chinese women pay big money to be advertised on some Chinese dating sites as "single, available, traditional Chinese lady" to target mainly Western male audience. Chinese mail-order brides are fuel the lust and fantasies of many white men as they flip pages over pages of some Chinese dating
Even within China, women continue to be fetishized by white people and other non-Chinese men. When I used to visit my sister in Shanghai, I would constantly get into arguments with white men trying to woo me with their lousy broken Mandarin. Many white expats (laowai) are the direct progeny of Western imperialism and indulge fully in their East Asian fetishism/Chinese sexual domination. They reserve tables on rooftop bars and act like colonial soldiers, surrounding themselves with large groups of Chinese women whom they often provide for financially, even though most of them have a wife and klds waiting for them back home. But yellow submissive sexy Chinese women is tooooo irresistible~ and were so easy!
Where as Chinese men stereotype Chinese women as being "easy girls", "have loose pants for foreigners", "white men's whore/bitches" etc, Chinese women stereotype White men as romantic, manly, strong, have very big white cock so for Western men, Chinese women
In the end, no matter where you are in the world, or how much you love and trust your partner, there will always be this little voice inside your head telling you that you could be replaced by another woman with the same physical features. I shouldn’t have to tell you that the depersonalization of East Asian women is extremely damaging. You aren’t recognized as an individual but as someone who represents a very specific type of beauty, one that is constantly depicted as passive and over-sexualised. Personally, I’ve curated my personality to go against the stereotype of the “submissive” Asian woman. I am vocal, opinionated, confident and dominating – and sometimes it’s impossible for me to form deep connections and be truly vulnerable with people as a result.
All of that being said, I have dated really nice and loving white men who are aware of these issues – if not in the beginning, definitely by the end of our relationship. As someone who is heavily involved in social justice work, particularly through the arts collective Skin Deep, I always joke that the reason I date white men is so that I can practice micro-activism – making them aware of their privilege every day that they’re with me. Interracial relationships might always be political, but by opening conversations about the power structures at play, we can work towards changing them. And maybe one day I’ll finally spare a poor little white boy the intense interview questions, and actually enjoy my date.
2 anni fa
