Relationship Helpful conflict ideas
Relationship Helpful Ideas/ And action plan
When there is a fight/ or a partner is hurt we must recollect our selfs to be present . It means not acting on the first emotions but rather accepting them as they are at the time, and to not actively do or say something unproductive to the benefits of the relationship. In most cases both parties want to be heard, validated, and comforted. Sometimes it is best to hear out the distressed partner, show compassion with loving gestures, and then you both take sometime away from the problem at hand. I know that sounds counterproductive, but these things are emotionally taxing. You will want to rebuild a stable sense of mentality before fully resolving the issues at hand. High stress situations can make us brash, with allowing our emotions to dictate our decisions. When we are calm problem solving comes with a more carefully thought out place.
Ex) Not Discussing the issues all day . Instead ask about mundane activities. See the person without the problem . Enjoy an activity together as well as alone.
It is good to bond over other things, problem solving for a game, cleaning, what ever activities it takes to set a more positive foundation.
Give each other a break. Try to learn that sometimes we need to be okay with being alone . That we need to check in with ourselves and do things for our selves out side of the relationship responsibilities. This mean both parties can back off, recharge , and face the problem together at a later more emotionally mature time. Have faith that your partner will respect you and come back to the issue with a clear head space.
If one partner of the relationship is having anxiety and wants the problems worked out immediately, I suggest the following.
1) Is the problem actually about what the person says it is? Could there be an underlying issue? Ask each other more questions: why ? how? When? Be open and non defensive . Stay away from words that sound accusational.
2) Ask the partner what it is they need . The partner may have expressed their need to you in their mind but always make sure to directly ask them to restate in the most basic, and simplistic of terms. We have different talking patterns, and it can be easily misunderstood and unclear. Partner’s that have the problem be clear and direct. Do not be passive or leave room for misinterpretation.
3) Body language is so important during times like this. Try to sit next to the person if you can , some people find direct eye contact to be scary and less inviting . On the other hand some people need you to be facing them and need your eyes on theirs. Experiment with this together. You both should be at the same level. If one is sitting then you sit ,if one is standing then stand to. No arm crossing, if possible have a hand open palmed facing towards the person or ceiling . This signals openness and non-aggressiveness. Some partners want to be held, hands holding, arm linked, or hugged. Others do not . This is something to ask your partner directly with out worrying about rejection. Make it a safe place for anyone to be non judgmental. Try nodding your head when appropriate to show you are actively listening to your partner.
4) Once the need has been clearly discussed now is the time to check in with yourself. Can you meet this need now? Can you meet this need Soon? Do you need more information to be able to meet this need? Are you even capable of meeting this need? This is the time for you to be open and honest. WE should all be trying our best and at the same time monitoring our own needs and desires within and without the relationship. If you need to: think of 2 circles that overlap slightly. One side of the circle is you , the other is them. In the middle is us.
5) Verbalize your answer in a timely manner. If you do not have a solid answer if you can meet this need and when you now need to say to your partner , you hear them, you care, and that you need more time to come up with a well thought out answer.
6) It is important that both parties remember to be respectful and understanding that you different people and you will have different ways of processing.
7) Lastly Set a time limit. Never keep some one who came to you with a problem waiting for days. It is not fair. Sometimes when having a heated discussion, it is okay to set a time limit to that as well. It can shorten the filler talk and keep things to the point. You both know that there is a recovery time coming up and can really give each-other the attention you both deserve.