Post-post68

Dear Santa If you leave a new bike under the tree I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk Love Timmy… Baca selanjutnya

While sitting at home watching TV on his 87th birthday an old man hears his doorbell ring. Getting up from his chair and answering the door he is greeted by a 21 year old gorgeous woman in a micro bikini. He asks "Can I help you?" to which the woman replies "I am here to give you super sex on your birthday". The mans face lights up as tells her "I'll have the soup!".… Baca selanjutnya

British secret intelligence service managed to hack into an Al-Qaeda website and replace certain bomb instructions with a cupcake recipe. The CIA attempted to train cats to gather intel in the 1960s. English astronomer William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus, but he originally named it George. The Hague city spent pent €150,000 on a bridge to allow squirrels to cross a busy main road. John Steinbeck's dog, Toby, ate the first draft of "Of Mice and Men" Match.com founder lost his girlfriend to a man she met on Match.com President Calvin Coolidge used to push the emergency buzzer and… Baca selanjutnya

1 - Chile. "Tomorrow" means next week. "Next week" means never. "I'm already there" means "i'm thinking about starting to prepare to go out". For a ten-minutes-early person that was jarring. 2 - Balinese funerals and how they celebrate death. I was sitting on the beach on my first day there and heard a crowd coming, carrying food and playing festive music. I thought it was some kind of party or wedding until I realized they were carrying a corpse. 3 - Indonesia. People just sit next to you in the train/bus. Ask personal questions immediately. Want to know why you don't have k**s, or a husban… Baca selanjutnya

The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.… Baca selanjutnya

English "Sup Dawg" Japanese 'Konichihuahua"… Baca selanjutnya

How to get furniture free from IKEA 1 - download instructions for item you want from IKEA website 2 - email their service department every few days and report that you are missing a piece and have them ship it to you 3 - repeat line 2 until you have all the pieces 4 - follow assembly instructions and enjoy your free IKEA item… Baca selanjutnya

A true story from the "New Zealand Herald" An elderly New Zealand couple in a RV at an east side camp ground were awakened by a noise outside. Thinking nothing of it they went back to sleep. The next morning they found on the ground by the RV an empty five gallon gas can and a pool of vomit They also found a siphon hose sticking out of the RV's sewage holding tank.… Baca selanjutnya

An old lady goes to the Gorispolkom* with a question, but by the time she gets to the official’s office she has forgotten the purpose of her visit. “Was it about your pension?” the official asks. “No, I get 20 Rubles a month, that’s fine,” she replies. “About your apartment?” “No, I live with three people in one room of a communal apartment, I’m fine,” she replies. She suddenly remembers: “Who invented Communism? –– the Communists or scientists?” The official responds proudly, “Why the Communists of course!” “That’s what I thought,” the babushka** says. “If the scientists had invented it, they… Baca selanjutnya

Politician (noun) (pol·​i·​ti·​cian) (pä-lə-ˈti-shən) 1 - one actively engaged in conducting the business of a government 2 - a person primarily interested in political office for selfish or other narrow usually short-sighted reasons 3 - the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes… Baca selanjutnya

A lawyer visited a school for career day and the following conversation was over heard by the class. Steven - "What is the difference between Slander and Liable"? Lawyer - "What kind of stupid question is that Steven"? "Is your chicken sized Adderall riddled brain not formed enough to understand the difference"? "Did you mother drop you on your head before you ate lead paint chips"? After a moment of silence the lawyer responded "Now Steven if I had written that down it would be liable."… Baca selanjutnya

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.“ – Betty White “When people say ‘it’s always the last place you look’. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?” ― Billy Connolly "Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die." - Bill Murray "What are condoms"??? - Herschel Walker "A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff i… Baca selanjutnya

Try to take something from the refrigerator with out moving the other items in front of it. If something falls to the floor in the process ....You Lose.… Baca selanjutnya

When visiting a local shopping center i was asked by a survey taker "How do you celebrate Columbus day?" To which I calmly replied "I go to the store and get lost looking for spices."… Baca selanjutnya

Oh Dog!! Oh Dog!! Oh Dog!!… Baca selanjutnya

I was shopping at a store when i heard a man and woman arguing When i arrived at the checkout lane i saw a very large woman arguing with a small man I heard the woman tell the man "Kiss My Ass" To which the man replied " I would but my car only has a half a tank of gas"… Baca selanjutnya

Kim = Ukraine Pete = NATO Kanye = Russia Hope It Helps Clearing Things Up… Baca selanjutnya

1 - “Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?” The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.” 2 - Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a chemist. Bob suggests they go in. "Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do… Baca selanjutnya

“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” - Betty White “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” - Dolly Parton “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.” - Stephen Hawking “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” - Jim Carey “The difference between fiction and re… Baca selanjutnya

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"… Baca selanjutnya