Finding a Sense of Self

For me, transitioning was isolating and scary, even with the help of family and friends. Until you are able to “pass” in public, it's very stressful, as you draw unwanted attention and judgement in public. Once you get to the “passing stage”, there is a feeling of acceptance and relief.

My first steps were of course wearing makeup and feminine clothes, before hair removal and hormone replacement therapy. However, because how gendered the world was and still is, it's not as easy as just walking into Boots and Next. There is a huge stigma in this, as its still viewed as just for one gender and you couldn't help but feel judged as you shopped in store, because you aren't fitting the stereotype of what people expect.

Most advice out there is created to flatter already-feminine features. At first, makeup was a bit disheartening, since my face was more masculine, but I started to feel more secure as I softened over time and started to develop my look. When you are eventual recognised for the correct gender, it feels like a weight has been lifted.

While passing does make moving about outside easier. The outside world only sees us part of the time, while we have to exist in our bodies 100% of the time. There was no escaping how it felt before that point, when every mirror reflected my image and reminded me of the wrong body I was in.

In the end, the physical transition and surgical procedures are only the tip of the iceberg, and it's important to remember that change has to happen on the inside, too. Being 'passable' is only a goal, being transgender is knowing and loving the person you are.