Programing

Six years after I was born my parents divorced and separated. Six months after that my dad remarried to a woman with two k**s. From the moment of introduction of his new family my mindset, or programing, was that this wasn't for me. I was not allowed the privilege of a "normal" family. It was a feeling, and you know feelings are as real as the sun hitting your shoulders, or the rain tapping on your window. The feeling was a filter on my camera of life. It distorted my view of life itself for damn near all of it. It made me think that I wasn't worthy. I didn't get the right to have swagger, If I proudly proclaim anything I have to be able to back it up with a gaslighting filled confrontation. Which is how reclusive personality is born. I get tired of arguing with idiots and having to prove myself, so I just stop talking.
Now go back to when I was very young and found a discarded Hustler in the woods. It was with a friend that I found this coverless rag, but it still held the secret to a blond vagina that it gave to me, and I was ever gratetful. So it's legit that my programming for porn enthusiast was received by the written word. So then it's really called education. Building on what I learned early on and using that knowledge to try and create a brand, at fifty two. Investment in oneself is the best one you could ever make, so i hope it pays off.
Problem with not belonging to any one group or clique is that you have no real direction in life. Doing a little bit of everything means you only know enough to be dangerous. You can disassemble something, and a year later want to put it back together, after you find all the bolts and other related hardware. I had to change my diet because of discomfort, and reflux constantly. Exercising is good for mind body and soul. I choose casual lifting, so as to not loose the buzz, and mountain biking mostly in the yard and neighborhood because cars hurt when they hit you. And all that work pays off in the light reflected off the mirror into retina. Abs are there but they are under a layer of three cups a day with honey and half & half. I don't burn as much as I take in as per the no strenuous work out rule. I'm old, I take it easy on myself.