The "Fake" Profile (Cybersexuality)

This is a bit of a ramble covering some important subjects. I'll probably cut it down and shuffle things around a bit but that's too much work for now so I'm posting as is. verbose, redundant as it is the intention is sincere. and imperfection is one of the themes, here any


The “Fake” Profile
Cybersexuality---Some thoughts on Identity Issues---My Experiences---Sexual Integrity--- Transparency---My Limits---Gender Transitioning---Making Things Better for the Women of Xhamster




One of the issues we all grapple with here is the so-called “fake” profile. I've heard charges against any number of people claiming “so and so's profile is a 'fake',” I've also seem some unseemly, even cruel things done in response to such charges. I really don't want or need to know all about the various conflicts I've seen welling up here and there regarding such matters. My intention is to find ways to avoid the shit-traps and other things that can make life so unpleasant.

Creative is “Fake”

Before I get into a bunch of other things. I want to stress this. Face or other pictures that work creatively = Yes! Some of my favorite XH people use found or created picture as an integrated and interesting part of all they do with their space, so, that's another pleasure-surface to enjoy and respect on XH, that's erotica.. I value that greatly about XH. An Avatar photo like that is a creative expression. It's someone using his or her XH space well. It turns me on and I like it. I'll fall in love with a good Avatar and, if it all fits with the profile's creative erotic interests, that strengthens the good feelings the profile owner brings into my life. A beautiful gift. That's totally different matter and not at all “fake.” I love the attractive Avatars of all kinds and I'm glad we can do what we do with them.

Deliberate misrepresentation as a form of abuse of women


And she only knows the half of it.

So, by “fake profile.” Let's say it's the profile where the gender and other information presented is a utterly false representation, grossly incomplete or completely opaque (empty space) representation of who and what the person is. Sure, many people are figuring out who they are and reinventing themselves, transforming themselves even, that's all to the good and I discuss that a bit later. What I'm talking about here, is the deliberate misleading of others for selfish self-gratification. Stealing the orgasm, compromising the emotions, obfus**ting reality by deliberate, knowing deception.

There are many ways this is done but I think the most common “fake” or “poser” profiles we've all seen – it's the age-old con – it's so common as to be cliché, it is:

Tada! (8-bit win 3.1 sample on“beat” radio shack speakers)
The Man adopting a Woman's – often bisexual or lesbian – Profile.
This is a ruse about as easy as posting a big, juicy cock-pic Avatar. “She” posts a pretty head shot (face pic), maybe a hot, cute, attractive art-type Avatar. The Horny Net Geek (HNG), something I can proudly say I never was, but the HNG, he learned this game a long time ago and he passed it down to his waking little brothers. Since we can't keep the wankers behind the rope line here, we're all going to have to find ways to cope. Since it's a conundrum and not a problem, there are only going to be outcomes not solutions.

At the end of this I take a few broad-strokes about a possible pathway out or around the wank-a-holics. I have to believe other woman around the site have already worked some of this out. But, as I said, I've also seen some rather disgraceful and unkind things, fights. I'm not here for any of that. If I have any influence at all, I will put a stop to it and will turn my back on any such perpetrator until the situation is resolved.

“Man posing (fake profiling) as Woman,” to repeat, is probably the most common ruse to obtain cybersex or lie-based false emotional intimacy and it's always been that way since even before Al Gore invented the internet and even before that technical genius, Senator Ted Stevens, taught us the net is big “series of tubes.” For as long as I've been involved in any kind of cybersexual venues the HNGs and similar trolls have been running this tried-and-true system. It's ugly and an abuse of women. At it's worst, I'd go so far as to calling it CyberR-word.

My own experimentation, exploration:




Mine was all text backed up by some porn images, not a sim like this depicts


Early on in cybersex, I tried gender flipping myself a few times and it was a little fun but of no great interest to me. I certainly got a lot of attention. It was pretty hot. I tried being a girl and seeking men and lesbians for casual cybersex chat. I tried pretending to be Trans to have cybersex with anything that could type a half-way coherent sentence or two I'm a masculine man, “straight acting and appearing” as the lingo goes and I like who I am. I like the way I am and I like doing what I do the way I like to do it. For me, pretending to a woman and an MTF-TV was stepping away from reality at least twice, but certainly once for it being cyber, and then again for pretending to a be a woman while actually a man. I like androgyny if it's natural in someone – the soft fem-boy, the soft butch woman, the Daddys pack'in, it goes on and wonderfully on See Michaela's profile, she'll 'splain some of it to you with her outstanding writing and galleries.

Michaela's Profile: http://xhamster.com/user/Mikebasil/



I've never been even a bit sexually dysphoric or andro myself but I think Trans men and woman are very beautiful, hot, attractive, complex people and so my experience pretending to be 'female', while very limited and cybersexual-only, was enlightening in some ways. I think it helped me understand the ways woman and trans-women and other men live their lives. I think the experience helped me better understand the pressures and difficult situations faced by a woman being sexually exploratory on-line. There's more on this but it would go too far afield to go into it now. Another time. It was a short term experiment, text only.

In real life there have, at times, been cross-dressed and Trans people around me and that's always been wonderful. Only twice that I recall did I bdsm “play” with a crossed dressed person in public but I've seen many, many scenes with transgendered and cross-dress people both men and women.. I also will gender-flip and gender play with my partners in consensual playing or just in casual speech at times. I never had a transsexual lover but I think I would if it was the right person. I've never been a “tranny chaser” type, and don't use sex workers (nothing against them, tho).. But, of course, I have loved all things LGBTQ – theater of all kinds, shows, films, music, books, writings – created by and featuring LGBTQ artists, authors, main characters. Exploring gender bending, gender fluidity, dual-spirited natures, can be very interesting, but it's no excuse for lying to anyone one claims to care for. It's certainly completely, utterly unacceptable and non-negotiable with me. I have to impose my limits and will not compromise them nor will I, to the best of my ability, permit myself to be compromised by the deception or dishonesty of others. No one should.

Cybersexualality as An Appropriate Outlet does not give license for Gender or other Misrepresentation
I think, for some, adopting the 'persona profile' (fake profile) may be the only way they can get some satisfaction and gratification. If cyber is that person's only or most-favored outlet, if honest about it, I'm completely on their side and accept this as a fact of any relationship I have with them at all.

Take for example, someone with a disability of some kind. There's much on that and about how cyberseuxality is great for some one living with a disability. I honor that completely and if a hypothetical relationship is confined to the digital exclusively, what does it really matter if a person is, for example, confined to a wheelchair. However, no matter what those kinds of factors are, she is or is not a woman, Trans or genetic, even, and, if she's not a woman, he should not misrepresent himself as such,

In other words, for me, it's LGBTQS (straight) and if someone is actually T, fine. If someone says the are gender-fluid. Hetro-flexible, bi-curious, whatever, even “gender non-disclosed” would be OK with me. However, I don't want to be led to believe someone is a straight, lesbian or bisexual woman if that isn't true. For me, that means you live you life as a woman in the world. However, I can see need for women-only spaces. A man pretending to be a woman dishonors women by his knowing dishonesty. Unpardonable. I'm compelled to oppose it. .It's a hard limit with me even for simple friendship and any kind of intimacy would be completely out of the question. Trust is earned and I need to know who I'm talking to. Everyone does.

Now, what about the universe from the side of the HNG, Troll types we can't stand. Think of his side, it's pathetic. To the faker, this: all your affectionate relationships are false, and you're lying to the ones you say you love and care for.. I could never live that for a split second and I hope the ones doing this eventually come to terms with the unethical, unkind things they are doing. Find a better way. What the HNG/Fake is doing is also not, repeat not, role playing. That kind of “faking” feels more like someone is being a stalker, an abuser, a liar, a manipulator, maybe an isolator, a troll: Danger Will Robinson.

Anyway, gender flipping myself was an interesting psycho-sexual experience and I can see why anyone might want to try it in any configuration of genders you can envision being right for you and that's for real life and cyber. So, I think there's a place where we have to show some kindness to make allowances for someone processing these sort of things. That's a completely different thing than the HNG but a woman seeking other women is still faced with the fact she'll run into good people, posing as women who want to be intimate or close, are honestly dealing with their transitioning but are not women. A good verification system should be able to screen-out even the sincere from a space designed to be exclusive of men, even those sincerely transitioning.

Friends and 'Fambly' in Transition
Have you ever known someone transitioning ? I have known six people, all MTF, (one was murdered, and I should tell you that sad story sometime, it changed my life and is part of why I'm unalterably supportive of the rights of sexual minorities) and so if someone is starting that years-long process I'd much rather they identify here as Trans and not falsely present themselves as a Woman. Most who are fully transitioned, hypothetically, take it all the way, MTF-post-SRS, will still identify here as Trans proudly so! There's a very good TV social community here on XH and tons of hot TV content. Again, I think the site is flawed and lacking in how it handles gender.. All they'd have to do as add a fill-in field that said, “other” for Gender, let people feel-in the text and maybe they could add a few more symbols or let people pick more than one...

Real role-playing by consenting adults is, of course, much more interesting but not the subject of this blog. “Uncle Tucker (me) loves playing with His little princess' pussy.” That's role playing and “little princess” is most-likely more my age, not at all little; and, no matter what role we're playing, the role itself can easily be interpreted as being just a pleasure-portal for us and we're doing this for ourselves as adults. Completely different.

So, let's take a very common XH hypothetical case. A woman here would like to explore some same-gender experiences, perhaps make friends and enjoy intimate conversations with other women. She's going to run into those “fake profiles” and a lot of them are going to appear to be very attractive spaces featuring some of the best “head shots,” face pics to be seen on the site.. I could envision such a user's own “Favorite Users” pages being a sea of pretty faces and hot women or couples' Avatars.

So, she's out surfing a bit...Click, is this Profile another “fake”? Hummm... Nice face, sexy woman's Avatar, maybe a gallery or even videos that seem all “real” but the key indicators it's a “fake” include: 1) little or no profile “About Me” text, 2) status messages that are a bit too suggestive, “I need naughty tasks” -- one I saw once when I was doing some profile surfing and it caught my like a juicy housefly on flypaper, zzzzt. (later about that maybe NBD), 3) little or no public commenting – no returned comments to anything posted, no original blogs or fav. blogs, low comment count 4) accepting only women as friends and for private messages, 5) While I completely accept anyone's choice to be “friend's only,”“no friends,” “not accepting friends,” and at least we can choose to accept or reject messages from X-gender(s) only, I think the site imposes a rather crude, unsophisticated limitation on how we are required to run our profiles and communicate with each other here. But, yes, some of the best “fakes” may well be women-only, “friends only” spaces, with plausible galleries and plausible videos. What better honey-pot trap for an HNG or similar troll to set? Another related ploy is to put up a couples profile, claim to be 'seeking woman” and, guess what “she” is never there. Or she is really him trolling you for love and affection by pretending to be her. All I can say about that is, “ewwwwww.”

I'm sure this blog isn't the first or final word on any of this. I've read similar bogs around the site. Some users try to go on various Game of Thrones-like campaigns to correct various things. Those won't work I think but do it anyway, I guess. The Name and Shame (link) approach is useful as a tool for teaching and correction. It records a clear representation of what went down, what was said, with screen shots. It's still not perfect since, hypothetically, a motivated person could create sockpuppet profiles to generate things as a way of attracting attention in the form of sympathy. And then the sympathy is exploited for sex as a way to generate an emotional link. Yes, HNG-trolls will think that deeply about it.

On “outing” the fake profile.

I generally really hate outing but the level of hypocrisy and emotional pain and suffering a Fake-profile person might inflict on others may warrant it but I would use extreme caution about that. People you like will make mistakes. Do you not allow your friends to be the imperfect, limited human beings they are, just like you are? Would you want your friends to expect you to be perfect all the time? Also, I'm pretty much all for letting someone be the asshole he or she wants to be but not, not when their asshole-ism crosses my line – and I don't like seeing anyone hurt my friends.

Pretty Face Avatar For Girls = Cock Pic Avatar for Boys

Very few women use their actual face pictures and most seem to be “friends only.” Those who do use actual shots typically use tasteful, stylish, attractive pictures (trolls even use shots that look like that, too, so, it never ends).

The pretty-faced Avatared “fake” Women's profiles is female equivalent ubiquitous of cock pic Avatar for the men..
At least the pretty faces are interesting, the “cock field” just gets too repetitive. I like can like cock as much as the next slut but as far as Avatars go, it turns me off. I don't mind if there's a cock in an Avatar when it works as erortic art or if I like the person and know them to be having fun with their space. I'm agnostic about in the end. It's your Avatar, if you want to say, “cock pic” that's cool but it won't be pleasing or interesting to me. Have your fun. But I digress.

The Bliss, The faker's reward for his subterfuge?
Think of the “bliss” of the “fake” profile. Fake (man posing as woman) meets real woman (genetic or trans woman): You have a man falsely presenting himself to a, say, a bi-sexual woman with the intent of tricking a woman into having textual cybersex with him – and the woman's interest is other women. I think that's disgraceful on his part and likely much worse if he, using his false persona, creates what appears to be emotional intimacy. It really annoys me and would likely never happen in the real world. This is a total misrepresentation for the woman; she's being lied to and taken advantage of by a man. What word comes to mind when a man manipulates or forces a woman to have sexual relations with him? Unacceptable. Full Stop.

I think the false representation profile is going to always be here and the outcomes of that can be highly unpleasant to say the least, perhaps, even dangerous. At its worst, the “misrepresent profile” feels like stalking behavior to me and it troubles me. Am I going too far, am I too concerned about your safety? You read the papers and tell me. Like Maggie keeps telling us, “stay safe.”

Yes to Gender Flexibility, The Site's Flaws
I'm all for gender flexibility and there's even suggestion for adopting “they” as a gender-neutral pronoun for any individual. I've often wished English had a gender-neutral pronoun and I'd adopt “they” even while I don't like it because it's just bad grammar and sounds wrong to my ear.

It would be good if XH had some way for us to be “gender non-disclosed” or “gender fluid” or some other more nuanced set of choices but that's not offered. I have no solution for it. It's a flaw in the site and we're stuck with it unless the site gods update things. I already said this once but I probably doesn't hurt to repeat it. Count the stokes aloud.

Workarounds, Making it Work Better for Women


They did start the XHGG and it worked.

I'm a man and so it not my place to say. This is a by, for and about women issue. I'll offer a few thoughts to my friends and sisters but I really hope others are miles ahead of me on this XH problem and I'd like to learn your methods or thoughts about this as it might be useful for other groupings. I'm not talking about simple networking and so on.

This will probably never work or happen, unless is already is going on and working. I hope it is. Here's what I was thinking.

Maybe there can be a kind of XH girlfriend's group, XHGG (whatever is fun or works) where, via appropriate technology and techniques, some form of verification can be created and then those persons may gather around some safe, friend's only profiles. I'm sure some good women-only spaces already exist and that's very positive. But, what's needed, perhaps, is better verification. Nothing's going to be perfect but at least with verification you know where you stand.

I keep one and only one profile here but for some I'd suggest opening an additional space to migrate to or reserve for your smallest group of best women friends. I'm saying that for XH, there ought to be circles and hangs where some kind of two-or multi-way verification has been established. Voice, skype, mobile phones, some kind of camera-chat system might help, even snapchat or the site's camera rooms. A few trusted people lead and then additional friends can be brought in.

The idea is to maintain the anonymity desired but yet have increased certainty that the persons you are socializing with are, in this case, women only. Kind of a “friends only” version 2 work-around. Obviously if it's women only then someone who previously had a couples profiles might have to create an individual profile for herself.

The Verified Vagina System will have to also maintain levels of privacy per the users' needs. So, we're still not showing our faces and so on but we know as best as we can that we're women only and still able to enjoying posting and sharing revealing videos or galleries.

Any verification system has to allow for those who want personal meetings and relationships and those who do not and keep everything to on-line only. Given the community on XH, I think the XHGG should allow straight, lesbian, and bi women. The group would have to decide about Trans folk, husbands, boyfriends, and so on. . It's still not going to be Nirvana but, again, at least those involved will know better where they stand.

This is about ethics, integrity, affection, love, communication. I think it's important. even in blind cybersex and the man's or men's own issues do not have an bearing on this. Men have to respect that are places where men are not wanted, allowed, invited and so on. (It always cracks me up a little that “Lesbian” appears in the “straight” categories of the videos on XH).

Someone's going to have to be the one to shoot these rapids and chart the best way down the rushing river on XH I think. I hope it's already happening. I hope it can get better.

Thanks for reading. Comments here or in private are welcomed.


Warm hugs,

Anthony

April 14, 2014