A rewriting of an excerpt from a conversation that encapsulate the kind of person I wish to be, but am too afraid to embrace:
"What I've REALLY desired to do is call everyone that I've worked with to my Library's meeting room, strip naked, sit on the long desk and finger my bare pussy as everyone that I've known and respect watch me climax before them. Some with looks of disgust. Others a look of disappointment. A few with giggles, cheers and laughter. And those with eyes that hide thoughts of sexual imaginations about me.
I want that feeling. I long for that feeling. The shame and humiliation that can break me free from my monotonous lifestyle. I want to be seen and judged, not with respect, but with derision. I want to feel like I've done something so horrific, that I can't show my face in public. Every thought people might have about me is associated with a common whore. I want to feel like people could easily with me and me. I want the isolation of embarrassment. I want to be constantly stripped down by the eyes of lustful men and women. I want to stumble across rumors and lies that further tarnish my already infamous reputation.
It's the kind of act that I just can't bring myself doing, but I fantasize about all the time as I masturbate and cum really hard at home. The fantasy of becoming a slave to everyone's opinion and to be lower than your average whore."