Ignorance is bliss
Well my male best friend of over 50 years now popped over for his usual Sunday moan about the missis which makes me want to cut my own ears off sometimes.
While I had him here I got him to measure me for my new E mtb so I know what frame size to get.
Now remember my life long dream of becoming a tall gorgeous showgirl?I think is safe to forget that one now.
As we did it properly,I took my boots off (hes used to me being in a dress or whatever mental thing Ive got on) and stood up against the door frame.He slid a book down the frame onto the top of my head so we have the right angle to get a true measurement,after I had walked around with it on my head ofcourse like a true model hehe.Oh come on weve all done it.
"put yer feet flat!" he said."they are" I replied."no theyre bloody not,put em flat!"
"they are" and so on.
"put....yer.....sodding......feet....flat" he growled.
"They are!".
"You can drive a bus under them!" he retorted.
So who was right?
They werent.
In the end he stood on my feet to make them flat to the floor the git.As I dont like my feet flat to the floor as it hurts,Im used to heels all the time.
"get off me feet yer fat git" I shouted,all I got back was "shut up and stand still".
"how much do you sodding weigh!?!" I gasped.
He marked the door frame and measured up to the mark.
"go on what is it?" I asked."5ft 4in".
"sod off,Im 5ft 6".
"nope you are 5ft 4in and Im being generous with the 4 there".
"get sodding stuffed,no way am I that".
"yep fraid so yer tiny twat" and laughed.
We then had a domestic like only old friends can have,we are like an old married couple some times.
I made him measure me again,trying my best to think tall thoughts.
It didnt work.I know I was shocked too.
So there we go I am officially 5ft 4in tall just,ish.Safe to say I wont ever be a tall gorgeous showgirl then.Another dream consigned to the bin.
So am I the smallest tranny then?Im shorter than Joanna Jet,and even Kate Zoha and the most cutest of the cute Hayley Marie as well.
This just sucks,total pants.
After being wound up,at length by him over being a tiny twat,we then had a measuring frenzy.My insde leg is 31" which isnt bad,he then measured my boobs to see what bra size I am,as he weirdly knows how to measure people for bras,which is scary,odd,and quite frightening as hes a lorry driver by trade.
Cue domestic.
Aparently he says Im a 34c.I insist Im a 36a.He explained,at length how to measure boobs,we did it again,I checked all his measurements,they were correct.I double checked the cup guide,and yep he was right.
Huge domestic,as no way am I a C cup,I havent even got a handfull really so cant be.
He then banged on about its not just about how much they can get hold off,theres lots of other factors like this and that,and something about something under your arms.Im not sure what as Id already lost interest.No way am I a 34C.So I ordered a new bra,in that size in secret as I know Im right and hes wrong.
I ordered a black lacey balcony bra as it was cheaper than a full cup bra.Tried it on in full on smug mode knowing I am in fact correct.
Damn thing fits like a glove,unlike my 36a bra which gaps,the bands loose as owt etc.
Damn.
But on the bright side Im never going to tell him,so you know,silver lining and all that.As there is no way I can let him know hes right,as that sets a very dangerous president,as Im the one thats always right.
Even when Im wrong?
Especially when Im wrong.
So its official,Im 5ft 4" nearly and a 34C.
The moral of this tale is ignorance really is bliss,and dont ever get measured!
Ps and I'm a size 8 in lingerie but size 10 in a dress.odd.
While I had him here I got him to measure me for my new E mtb so I know what frame size to get.
Now remember my life long dream of becoming a tall gorgeous showgirl?I think is safe to forget that one now.
As we did it properly,I took my boots off (hes used to me being in a dress or whatever mental thing Ive got on) and stood up against the door frame.He slid a book down the frame onto the top of my head so we have the right angle to get a true measurement,after I had walked around with it on my head ofcourse like a true model hehe.Oh come on weve all done it.
"put yer feet flat!" he said."they are" I replied."no theyre bloody not,put em flat!"
"they are" and so on.
"put....yer.....sodding......feet....flat" he growled.
"They are!".
"You can drive a bus under them!" he retorted.
So who was right?
They werent.
In the end he stood on my feet to make them flat to the floor the git.As I dont like my feet flat to the floor as it hurts,Im used to heels all the time.
"get off me feet yer fat git" I shouted,all I got back was "shut up and stand still".
"how much do you sodding weigh!?!" I gasped.
He marked the door frame and measured up to the mark.
"go on what is it?" I asked."5ft 4in".
"sod off,Im 5ft 6".
"nope you are 5ft 4in and Im being generous with the 4 there".
"get sodding stuffed,no way am I that".
"yep fraid so yer tiny twat" and laughed.
We then had a domestic like only old friends can have,we are like an old married couple some times.
I made him measure me again,trying my best to think tall thoughts.
It didnt work.I know I was shocked too.
So there we go I am officially 5ft 4in tall just,ish.Safe to say I wont ever be a tall gorgeous showgirl then.Another dream consigned to the bin.
So am I the smallest tranny then?Im shorter than Joanna Jet,and even Kate Zoha and the most cutest of the cute Hayley Marie as well.
This just sucks,total pants.
After being wound up,at length by him over being a tiny twat,we then had a measuring frenzy.My insde leg is 31" which isnt bad,he then measured my boobs to see what bra size I am,as he weirdly knows how to measure people for bras,which is scary,odd,and quite frightening as hes a lorry driver by trade.
Cue domestic.
Aparently he says Im a 34c.I insist Im a 36a.He explained,at length how to measure boobs,we did it again,I checked all his measurements,they were correct.I double checked the cup guide,and yep he was right.
Huge domestic,as no way am I a C cup,I havent even got a handfull really so cant be.
He then banged on about its not just about how much they can get hold off,theres lots of other factors like this and that,and something about something under your arms.Im not sure what as Id already lost interest.No way am I a 34C.So I ordered a new bra,in that size in secret as I know Im right and hes wrong.
I ordered a black lacey balcony bra as it was cheaper than a full cup bra.Tried it on in full on smug mode knowing I am in fact correct.
Damn thing fits like a glove,unlike my 36a bra which gaps,the bands loose as owt etc.
Damn.
But on the bright side Im never going to tell him,so you know,silver lining and all that.As there is no way I can let him know hes right,as that sets a very dangerous president,as Im the one thats always right.
Even when Im wrong?
Especially when Im wrong.
So its official,Im 5ft 4" nearly and a 34C.
The moral of this tale is ignorance really is bliss,and dont ever get measured!
Ps and I'm a size 8 in lingerie but size 10 in a dress.odd.
2 tahun lalu
love that I got you hard.... seriously π
