julia135 Posts

    Final part of my crossdressing story

    I think this is the last part of my yawnfest.Its funny how the first twenty years has three parts and the next thirty years just one lol.There really is nothing to grow old for.
    Anyway Im 57 in a couple of months,and its fun sometimes to look back on some of the daft things Ive done.You never regret them,its always the things you didnt you that you regret.
    Where did we leave off....oh yeah,had just finished it with M,my first girly boyfriend.It wasnt easy,heartbreaking actually,it couldve been so much more,it couldve been everything I had ever wanted,and him too.
    Oh well.
    Ofcourse I chucked all my clothes and makeup out as Id sworn never to cross dress again,again.I know its annoying,Im annoying myself now lol.
    I tried again to be normal,like all the other boys.I managed it for one whole day though so yaay me I think,but I hated every second of it.Just not me.Worst day ever.Boring boring boring.
    Weirdly though my face did start to change,looked a little more manly than it did.I still got mistook for a girl,but not as often as I used to.
    I went out with a lass,as nothing better to do,at least my cock was getting lots of attention for once,and she did finger me every time we did it.Isnt it strange,bi girls,straight girls,doesnt matter,they all finger your bum like mad before and during sex.Whats that about?
    Still Im not complaining.
    I didnt think that much about her as she wasnt honest,bit of a thieving git and I dont like that,I am actually quite old fashioned in a lot of ways.
    But her younger brother..........yes please!
    Think of the most gorgeous and glamourpuss extrodinare Joanna Jet back in her cd days.He looked just like her.Itll be of no suprise whenever me and his sister were at it,which was a couple of times a day usually as nothing else to do,I was ofcourse thinking of him.
    She had been one of my first girlfriend Dee's victims too,same as me,and she had been put through all kinds of things same as me,which would explain why she could take it up her bum so easily,plus it was nice to know I wasnt the only one to have been experimented on.So we had that in common.
    We went out,normal stuff,nothing exciting except she loved doing it in public same as me,again I took full advantage of that,which led to me being asked one day "wheres the strangest place youve ever done it?",to which I replied "a bed".
    Well it was.
    Another thing we had in common was she could have anal orgasms too.So we did have some things in common.Shame I never got my paws on her brother though,oh yes please.
    I still did martial arts,and it was really paying off,as I was getting a lot of control from it,something I had always lacked.A rebel without a clue,that was me.Could not would not be told what to think,do,or believe.
    I had put crossdressing thoughts to the back of my mind,but its never far away....
    It started when I had just shagged her up the bum as usual,and as usual I had been thinking of her brother,when she grabbed her big ten inch vibrator,those big hard plastic ones that only came in stairlift beige,and just shoved it,dry,right up my bum with a "lets see how you like it!!!" growled at me.
    Im not sure what was worse,the fact it just disapeared right in me up to the hilt,or the fact Id forgotten just how much I loved to have things up there deep inside me,or the fact I let out a really girly gasp.I think that was the worst really for me.Not good.
    But I saved the situation and my manlyness by yanking it out and shoving it up her butt with a "youll pay for that missy"....I then shagged her up the bum again.
    And yet I wonder why bad things happen to me hehehe.
    But yes,that had set me off again,you know that craving inside,deep inside near your heart that just needs,craves something inside us,it drives us to do all kind of daft things.But it is a need,like having to cum twice a day,its not a fun thing,its a need thing.A must.Like eating,or drinking,or hunting southerners for sport.Its a need,a must.
    Oh dear here we go again I know,Im sorry........
    Yep,I bought a dress,yep I bought shoes,stockings,dildos....oh not again.Every gurl that ever reads this will know what Im about to say,about pulling that dress on when you havent been dressed for ages,that feel,that softness,that familiar warmth and glow inside like your heart is smiling,followed by that huge erection and that urge to shag everything in the world you are that turned on.Crossdressing is not for the faint of heart,no.Not many can cope with the feelings,or even plucking their eyebrows!
    Again I started going out with stockings and lingerie under my work clothes as that turned me on so much,me knowing what was underneath and no one else did.I loved,adored that feeling of my suspender belt fasteners rubbing on my bare thigh and work clothes.Oh yeah.
    Anyone see where this is going to end up?
    No suprises Im afraid,it ends in doing something daft.I dont know why or what it is,but anyone who thinks I really am female and talks or treats me like one,well I just melt inside.Its like you know how youre nipples are hard wired to your cock,and how when theyre sucked they release butterflies inside your cock and you can feel them flying about inside it,its like that.Anyone who gets their gob on my nips,Im theirs.I just melt,even though its not easy to get to my nips as I keep them locked away under a padded bra as Im still to this day a bit self conscience about them.
    Well on this one day,I was at a customers house,just finishing off,I had no bra on,so you could see my nips easily,and had I think it was purple and black suspender belt nickers and ofcourse black stockings on,but not my lacey ones,the plain ones which I prefer the look of.
    The customer was some old fella,really old.Im about 21 now?22?Something like that.Not sure now.
    Well doesnt matter,I still had longish blonde hair up in a ponytail,and he was old,I would love to say 60 as thats not too bad is it,he couldve been 70s,might even be older if Im honest,but Im not going to be as thats bad isnt it.Really bad.
    But he was lovely,so charming and so so so polite,well spoken and I love all that.I see it as girly traits,so ofcourse I find that attactive as Im atracted to all things girly.It isnt actually a girly trait I know,its just pleasentness,niceness,good manners thats all.I see it as girly,as I love it,its nice,its soft,gently,loving,all things we crossdressers love,and why we wear what we wear as thats what girly clothes are like.
    SO yes,hes old,really old,and he looks like hes gasping his last,he didnt look well,and did look confined to a chair,probably not but you know what I mean.
    What do I do when he asked really politely "are you a girl?".How many times have I heard that.
    What did I do?Did I say no,Im a boy,Im male.Did I get my cock out and slap him around with it screaming "look Im male,told you so"?No ofcourse not.
    What did I do?I slowly turned around,and slowly undid my work clothes and let them drop to the floor around my ankles,exposing my entire girly body,little pokies n all,all the while one hand trying to hide my cock which was getting hard,very hard,with my other hand on my hip after I had took out my ponytail and shook my longish hair out trying to do a little sexy pose of hips canted to one side.
    "you tell me" was all I whispered with a big smile on my face.
    No I dont know why I do that.I still do that to this day.For some weird reason I just start to take my clothes off,and whats worse is,I really dont know Im doing it honestly.
    For instance,all I wanted to do was see how my new pink dress looked with my new ankle boots.It didnt work by the way.Need to rethink that outfit.
    Well I wanted to take a few pix of the outfit as I can see pictures for as they are,whereas I cant look in a mirror as I dont see what everyone else sees for some weird reason.So that was it,just a few pix,done.
    No.What happened?I start taking the dress off for no reason at all.And oh look Ive got my cock out.Oh look Im playing with myself now,and oh theres the cumshot.
    See what I mean?I had no intention of any of that,and another reason why Im reluctant to do a meet in a club with lots of other gurls.For a start I dont think they would get out alive,I cant be trusted with gurls at all.My cock cant anyway.It did growl at one once.hehe.
    But the other reason is,well I would look like a dwarf at the side of them,and a total frumpy dog,but the real reason is becouse I have this worry that I will just start taking my clothe off for no reason at all.
    I think,it might be from when I was little.My mother in her infinite wisdom put me in hideous boy clothes which I hated.So I took them off.
    Id get told off,dressed in boy clothes,I would take them off and run around naked as I wanted to wear what my sister wore.Her clothes were soft and warm,looked lovely all navy blue,dark blue like an ocean,and held me cuddled me,carrassed me,loved me.I wanted them not itchy ugly dog clothes.(Anything crap is 'dog' related around here.Eg crap milk would be called dogs milk.Crap eggs would be dogs eggs.)
    Over and over again would my mother insist on putting me in boy clothes,again they would come off and Id run around naked.It was a battle of wills.I mean,would you want to wear stiff,bright yellow shirt with a huge collar,red buttons (dont scream yet) with brown shorts,brown belt and brown flat shoes?Ok you can scream now,whereas Im off to vomit.
    I mean who in their right mind....
    This went on for years,my poor mother,the crap I mustve put her through.Sorry mom.
    Mustve been an interesting scene,of a naked little me running around being chased by my poor despairing mother trying to give me a thick ear lol.
    I do wonder if that is where this thing of taking my clothes off comes from,but why dont I know Im doing it?How odd.
    I digress.Yep,off come the clothes and Im stood in just knickers and suspender belt,trying to hide my cock with my hand."you tell me" I whispered again as I turned around showing him my little bum,and as usual my knickers had gone up my crack.But it did give me a chance to descretely tuck my cock between my legs.
    "well?" I asked again.He didnt say anything just looked gone out at me.
    I slinked over after kicking my work clothes out the way and my work shoes off,I moved over to him and sat on the arm of his chair,put one arm around his neck and my legs crossed over his so he is going nowhere.I used to do that to my first girly boyfried when I wanted some and he wasnt really in the mood,so he couldnt get away hehe.Well a gurls got to eat you know.
    Obviously Im randy as a stoat,no change there,but it had been ages since I had been shagged,and I do love,love to be shagged.Im not a bottom,or a top,hate those expressions.Normally Im a right old bossy cow,but its nice to play sub sometimes.Makes a change doesnt it,and you have to keep it fresh so its never the same twice.
    I asked again "well?",hes still looking totally gormless at me,so hate to say it,but I take advantage of the situation as that ache inside is so huge I cant ignore it.Yep Im going to do something daft even I know that.
    "you can kiss me if you want......" I whisper as I make my eyes go big...."I wont tell anyone".
    Number of times Ive said that.Its like being little again.Anyway hes still just gawping up and down me,again I say "you can kiss me,but only... if... you want to.......you know......if......you.....want to" as my voice goes from a whisper to a breath.I pull him in and gently kiss him.I cant beleive Im doing this.But he doesnt shoot me in the face so I kiss him again,only a little longer.Im not going full on,as he was a bit delicate looking,and did look like he was gasping his last and I didnt want him to croak with him in me.Not enough therapy in the world for that,plus the headling in the papers the next day....."death by cock".Not good.
    So I go slow and steady,as I love that personally anyway.Yes sometimes we like to be dragged off by our hair,but most times we love the old fashioned slow heated passionate stuff.
    I know I do.
    He felt really weird.Soft and spongy.His skin didnt feel like mine,or anyone I had been with before.It was so odd but nice.Not firm,more like a blamonge ish.
    "just dont tell ok......."I whisper as I again take advantage as I move my hand down over his trousers.Hes not hard,infact Im not sure Ive found it,hmmm its got to be here somewhere....I search about it,nope not too sure but I think I have it in my grasp.Give it a squeeze and a stroke,see if we cant put some life back into it.
    He gets a semi from what I can tell.Its a start,its a bit insulting as I am a 20ish blonde blue eyed skinny little bitch,and Im not that hideous,not too grotesque I dont think,but we will persevere nonetheless.
    I drop my legs slowly to the floor with one either side of his,hes going nowhere I make sure of that,I stop kissing him,pull back,smile a wicked smile,and slowly go kissing downwards towards his lap.He tries to stop me,errr I dont think so.I dodge his hands with my head and start to kiss his bulge.Oh not stopping me now are you!Typical man I could say jokingly.
    Cant use my teeth on the zipper,cant find the bloody zipper.Oh please let it be a nice looking one,and not a hairy one,cant stand pubes in my teeth urgh no.
    I undo his zip slowly with one hand as I massage his semi with the other.White Y fronts,also known as 'passion killers'.Great.Even I know theres no chance of pulling them down,theyre like zeppelins.I do manage to scoop it all out eventually,but it was like an episode of cock fishing.
    Not easy being a gurl let me tell you.
    On the plus side its getting there.It was only a little one,but a really odd dark colour,really dark dont know why as he wasnt dark,white as a ghost actually.
    He mumbled something about we shouldnt or something but I wasnt listening,I was too busy.It was half and half as to putting it in my mouth,didnt mind playing with it,just wasnt sure I wanted it in my mouth.Deep breath....I started to suck and lick it,then I just sunk into it as I knew from experiance that once its been sucked theres no way they wont shag you.I sound like a right old whore bag dont I!
    But it had been ages since I had had one in my mouth after all,I forgot how hot they felt and how weird it all was having one in your mouth,mentally I mean,its just so so weird.Dont know why,Ive always felt like that.
    I do all the tricks I know,he gets hard after a while and a lot of coaxing,its not veiny like mine,it was really smooth,but did have a foreskin,oh well.Not a big fan of those,although you can suck on it and hang your head off it while you suck it so it pulls on them.They seem to like that.
    First thing I do is pull the skin back,really not a big fan.
    As usually Im fingering myself to get myself ready,and I make sure my cock is well secure and out of sight as I slide back up him in one deft move,still holding his cock in one hand as I rise up and back down onto it guiding it to where it needs to be.I whispered in his ear "you will have to shag me up my bum so I dont get pregnant".
    He gasped.I felt like a right awful cow.Cant believe Im getting this manipulative and disceptive.Really bad that.
    I didnt gasp.Not like me that but there you go.It popped in real easy as it wasnt huge,and I ground him very slowly and gently which did seem to make it more erotic,I had my hands either side of his head as I held it next to mine.I would love to say it was a loving way,but it was more so he wouldnt be able to see my cock poking over my little knickers.It really doesnt like to stay hidden,but things could go real bad real quickly if he sees it.Some folks are weird like that.
    I then think what if he feels it riding up and down his belly?Yikes.I turn around slowly on it,but it falls out.Ooops.
    I pop his cock back in,bloody hell its wet!So am I!It just slides right back in as I ride him with my back to him.Least I can give it some now,and hes getting into it a bit as I feel his soft hands grip my waist,again Im a bouncy gurl.Always me doing the hard work I notice.One of these days....
    He did take a while to cum,I was running out of ideas,even when I bent back double almost nearly breaking my neck here,and kissed him upside down as I still slowly rode him didnt seem to do it,and that never failed usually.Have to say youve got to try kissing someone upside down,its totally different to normal and feels funny.You have to try it,it makes me giggle.
    But he did come,not fierce,but lots of it.I mean lots.I was suprised by how much actually,didnt expect that,plus it felt so hot too splashing up there.Id kept my cock tucked in the front of my knickers the whole time,and only stroked it now and again,didnt want to give the game away you know.
    I did love how he held my waist tightly as he came,that was nice.Made me smile.Really squeezed it softly if you see what I mean.But bloody hell that was a lot of cum for one old man,mustve been saving that up since he landed on the Normandy beaches or something.
    I leaned back and relaxed into his arms,with my back still towards him just laying on his chest,he started to gasp a bit so I lifted my weight off him a bit,that was better for him.I had my head next to his,well I was up to his shoulder anyway as usual has was taller than me.Sigh.Story of my life etc.Plus I didnt have any heels on,just stockinged feet so smaller than usual.Oh well.
    I like to keep a cock in me after its cum for ages after,love that feeling and thought of all his babies swimming around in me,like Im some weird gold fish bowl or something.Its weird but I do love that thought.
    But then I want to be shagged by a giant teddybear and a wooden rocking horse,so clearly I have issues,and they arent small.hehe.
    Unfortunetly his cock slipped out of me after a couple of mins,damn it.I managed to get my hand over my hole just in time before it all came running out and got my knickers back in place all the while making sure I dont flash him my cock.I get a bit scared now for some reason,and flustered.I start pulling on my work clothes,putting my hair back in a pony,before I help him tuck his thing back away and always with a little kiss on it and a thank you whispered.Well manners cost nothing.
    Something was up with me,as he tried to kiss me on the lips as he held my arm,but I turned my head at the last minute and kissed him on the cheek.Not sure why I did that.I smiled,thanked him,told him I enjoyed that,and hoped he did too........and please dont tell anyone as I could get in trouble as we arent supposed to do that with customers.He said it would be our little secret and smiled,which was sweet of him.
    Im still flustered,and get the rest of my stuff,kissed him on the cheek and said goodbye,then raced out the door.
    What on earth was that about?I honestly dont know to this day.Any sugestions welcome as I havent a clue.
    Cant think why the panic and fluster?Its not like it was my first time,and Ive dont far worse things,and had far worse things done to me,so I dont know why I was acting like that.
    I drove off,and the wonderful thing about Yorkshire is,no matter where you are,within five mins you are in the middle of nowhere in the countryside with no bugger around.Love it.
    I pulled off into a layby and had that feeling when you need to release the babies as I call it.Its like when you need to go,similiar feeling.So I get out,drop trousers,pants to one side,squat and there we go out it all drips.Im still hard,and I cant help it I just have to wank myself off furiously right there and then while still squatting at the side of the road having some old fellas cum drip out of me.That mustve been a sight.
    All I could think was,what the hell just happened.What have I done now.
    Later at the girlfriends house laid on her bed,all I could think was what the hell did I just do.I mean Im not gay,I dont fancy blokes,I fancy older women,girly boys especially,so what on earth?Cue confusion.Am I this am I that,or this........
    Dont worry I didnt throw all my girly stuff out,as I said earlier I had got some control over myself now,not a lot but some.But I would go on to do the same thing again.....and again.....but the most troubling thing was again the fact I hid my true identity again,I hid my cock the whole time,so felt awful for being less than honest.If only I knew what I know now,theres quite a lot that like us gurls,even prefer us to females,and even like our extras we come with no pun intended.Oh well,didnt know better back then.
    I didnt dress sexy under my workclothes for a while after that,as there was something wrong and I didnt know what.Something was troubling me.I didnt regret it,I dont regret anything daft I do,if its something I didnt like I know not to do it again,if I enjoyed it,great will do that again,its only how we learn,well its how us idiots learn anyway.Something was wrong.Didnt know what.
    Just confused.I had enjoyed it no doubt about that,but I didnt fancy him so what the hell.I dont know.Plus didnt like hiding my cock from him the whole time.But as was pointed out to me ages after,from his point of view,he was a seriously old bloke and he got to shag a 20 year old blond blue eyed lass up the arse before he gasped his last,now how many get to say that?Plus its what he was probably thinking about as he gasped his last and died with a big smile on his face!Who knows.
    It did make me feel better about it all.

    I dont learn do I........
    It mustve been a good few months later,or even a year,and Im up to my old tricks again,wearing lingerie and stockings under my workclothes,as the girlfriend at the time wasnt into cd's,just liked to finger me stupid,always in boy mode though,and just normal sex,bit of bondage,pee and public sex,the usual stuff.
    I tell you what though,she could take a right hammering up her bum.As good as me no k**ding.
    I digress again.See what I mean,I am like this,total s**tter brain,one minute Im on about this or that,next minute driving someone mad with the 3x+1 game,the next the development of the tiger tank or turbos vs superchagers (turbos or crap end of),then makeup or "love that dress!".Total s**tter brain.
    Right back to the plot.....
    Dressing again?Check.Sexy lingerie under workclothes?check.Randy as a stoat?check.Not learnt a sodding thing yet?Check.
    Going to do something daft again?You betcha.

    I cant believe Im this daft at times,but was working away at a customers house,just mother and son Im guessing.She was gorgeous,oh yes please,very nice indeed,slim,mature,but had taken good care of herself,theres nothing sexier is there,well spoken,Im drooling,but her son was a total girly boy.A little older than me,very tall,I came up to his nipples,no change there then,slim and just so girly.I was watching him on his pc,his fingers were really deft like mine,and he moved girly like I do,nice long legs too,nice dark long hair and lovely girly features.
    His mother made her excuses and drove off to the shops while I finished off so I knew I had half an hour or so to kill....hehehe...
    He was quiet like me too,unless Ive had a few beers then I cant shut up,we talked on and off about pc's as I had already designed and built a few rigs for myself at this point,all the while we were talking on and off I was moving closer,for a better look at his pc ofcourse.Im sure no one believes that,and you are ofcourse correct.I did fancy him,I do love girly boys like myself and always wanted one of my own,its what drove me at this point in my life.Always a dreamer.
    I did the usual leaning over his shoulder with arm around the back of his chair letting my hair brush past his face as I had long blonde hair still,and as I was at work it was in a ponytail ofcourse.He seemed really shy,again just like me.I know no one believes me,but I am actually.
    He was trying to write some basic program,so I helped him by leaning right in and typing the commands into his pc to get it to work when,oops,I just happen to touch his hand,and worse I dont pull my hand back right away.I know Im seeing what reaction I get,if its bad,its sorry didnt mean to,if he doesnt move his hand,well lets see how far the rabbit hole goes....
    He didnt move his hand.
    I said sorry didnt mean to hold his hand,jokingly.He said he didnt mind,it was nice.Nice.Dont go nuts will you.I squeezed his hand,"sure you dont mind?",again he said no.I turned my head and looked into his big brown eyes,"Im glad you dont mind...."I looked down at his big girly lips then back up into his big brown eyes,they looked almost black in the light.I did the small head tilt to see if he wanted to kiss me,he did nothing.Ok make a girl work for it why dont you.I moved my head a little forward,still nothing,again I look down then back into her eyes,or his eyes.Depends how you see him.I saw him as a girlyboy same as me.So I saw him as her,not him.Confusing isnt it?Welcome to our world!
    He still did nothing,I thought well he hasnt tried to punch my lights out so might be in here.I kissed him quickly and pulled back,heart racing like mad as I didnt know how he would react."That it?" was all he said.
    Cheeky sod."no,I do more than that" and moved in again and slowly snogged him,all the while slowly putting my arms around the back of his head so I can play with his hair,as I slowly but surely slide around and onto his lap.Best smoochie position there is.
    I knew we didnt have long,and Im really getting worked up,even though it seems to be a little one sided if you see what I mean.He wasnt a very good kisser,but not bad.I was trying my best,trying to make her,him think Im the best thing since slice bread,kissing his neck,gently sucking on his ear as I run my hands down his neck with my lips following them.
    I then realised I cant actually get to his thing with my hand,but I can feel it on my right thigh,hes hard as rock.It made me smile inside and feel really good as I do love to do that to people,make them happy makes me happy.
    Well after a bit of a thought and some more smooching,I came up with a plan,I slid down off his lap onto my knees in front of him as I kissed his neck,and chest on my way down and yaaay,Ive got my hand on it.
    I then realise Im in the perfect blowjob possition,or 'gobble' as we call it.
    That was not planned.Oh well,I cant really not give him a gobble been as Im in the position for it,so after a bit of stroking and kissing I got his thing out.He had a lovely looking cock,not thick like mine,much thinner,but long.Had a bit of a skin on it so pulled that back as not a big fan I have to say.
    I did my usual licking around the head and along the underside of it,and sucking the end,plus my little thing of parting his lips on his cock with my fingers and licking his hole out on his cock like its a little fanny.I tried to finger it but it was way too small.Oh well,doesnt matter as not everyone likes that anyway.
    Ofcourse Ive now got one hand down my front playing with myself slowly as I suck him off,hes just looking down watching me do my thing.So I stop,take my ponytail out,shake my hair loose,ofcourse its all over the place as usual,then drop my work clothes exposing my girly underwear underneath.I had my first pair of see through bra and knickers on with lacey hold ups ofcourse.I did love my see through lingerie as you could not miss my cock.So at least he knew I was a girlyboy same as him.
    Or so I thought.
    My cock had popped over the top of my knickers and I didnt need to look to know it had leaked a lot of cum out already.Im like a sieve sometimes.But I was that turned on.I didnt drop my pants,instead I pulled them to oneside letting my cock fall out at the same time so its staring right at him.He was staring at it then looked up at me,as if waiting for something.I knew we didnt have time for everything and I wanted him in me,so I straggled him as ladylike as I could,bloody swivel chairs are a pain arent they,and the armrests dont help either!So after a bit of a performance,non of which was very sexy,I managed to get both my legs either side of him and over the arm rests,so Im spread really wide,so wide I can feel it pulling on my hole quite a lot,almost gaping it.
    I reach down for his nice long wet cock and guide it towards my hole....its there somewhere....trying to lower myself down onto it but bloody armrests seem to be stopping me grrrrr.....there we go.It was a long one so I thought I best let it in me a bit at a time.That was the plan anyway but as usual I just almost fell all the way on to it.One big squelch later its all the way in and I can feel his soft balls on my bare bum cheeks.Total slut as usual.One of these days someones going to have trouble getting it in.I dont know I despair.
    Anyway,I slowly rode him up and down,but stupid armrests are starting to make the back of my legs cramp up so I swap to grinding him up and down,his soft top rubbing on my wet cock which felt so nice and warm.Loving this!
    He then put his hands down from off my waist and onto my bum cheeks,pulling them as wide open as theyll go.I thought no need honey the armrests alone are making me feel like Im giving birth!
    He didnt stretch my hole with his thing though,it was too thin sadly,but it was deep inside,I could feel his head really deep in me and it was hitting that lovely spot inside where my hole bends forwards,oh yeah Im loving this.We snogged as I ground him hard with a bit of bouncy girl action,then a bit of both,plus the ever popular spiralling down onto it.They do seem to like that a lot,its ok but doesnt half take it out of the back of your legs,not to mention nearly loosing my balance.Stupid swivel chairs.
    I ended up with my arms around his neck hanging on for dear life,and I felt like I was going to come soon when his head went down and his grip tightened,his nails going into the soft skin on my bare bum cheeks.I know its been beaten whipped canned belted hot waxed,all sorts,but weirdly my bum cheeks are still so so soft.Stupidly soft.Odd isnt it,you wouldnt think that wouldnt be the case.But his nails didnt half dig in,thats going to leave some marks!And it did.He broke the skin,try explaining that to someone later.
    He came in me,he sort of pulled me down ish,more held me down onto his thing with his nails in my cheeks sort of thing,then shuddering his cum into me.I felt it shoot up inside,always shocks me how damn hot it feels when its inside.But that was deep up in me,not at lot but bloody deep.Felt like he was cumming into my heart itself.
    Once he had done,we snogged for a while as I wanked myself off with his thing still in me,no longer hard,but still a semi from the feel of it.Didnt take me long to cum.But by now I was so turned on I was feeling wicked,and as usual I get daft ideas about this time.I thought I would cum on his cock and suck it all off.No idea why,thought it might be fun so thats what I did.Soon as I felt myself about to cum,I slid my legs back off the arm rests,so much easier getting off than it is getting on isnt it,as his sopping wet cock slowly fell out of me with a big slopping sound which made me feel a bit embarassed,then I came all over his cock.He might not produce much but I did.That felt wonderful as I do love to cum hard,just that point before it hurts.Know what I mean?
    Anyway,once Id finally finished,I dropped to my knees,I was going to lick it off but instead just took it right in my mouth and sucked him slowly trying to get as much of it in my mouth as poss.I liked that,a cock covered in two lots of cum.Oh yeah.
    I sucked and swallowed most of it,but saved the last bit for him,her.I moved back up to kiss him with my mouth full of our cum thinking we could have some cum play,but he just pushed my head to one side when I went to kiss him.Bit suprised by that.I swallowed the last bit with a big gulp and said "sorry" for some stupid reason.
    I then thought we could at least cuddle and fiddle so I tried to sit back down on his lap when I head a car door shutting.Crap!
    Yep it sounded like his mother was back.Oh hells bells.Im looking round for my work clothes,theyre here somewhere,I can hear the car boot shutting outside,heart is going ten to the dozen as I pull my clothes on with one hand while trying to put my hair back in its pony.
    He was all straight again,not a hair out of place,me I mustve looked like Id been dragged through a hedge backwards.I asked if I could see him again as I tried to straighten myself,talk about desperate,and this was what shocked me,he just said coldly "why would I?..........Ive got what I wanted" and smirked that stupid vomit inducing horrible smirk.
    The penny dropped.
    Yep I had just fell for it big time.I had just been used.Great.Not.Worse.Here comes the irish temper...
    "Im back,sorry Im late its mental out there" shouted his mother as she came in through the door.I thought dont be sorry youve just saved your son from being seperated from his thing forever more.Im seriously fuming.I think I was more mad at myself than him as I couldnt believe Id fell for it.As I know his kind,he was one of those that will shag anything,male female trans cd/tv,next doors dustbin,a lampost anything.One of those that is just in love with themselves,and will pork anything as long as THEY get what THEY want.
    And Id fell for it.Cant believe it.
    "You look flushed!Mustve been worse than you thought" his mother said referring to the job.I said something like yes it was,and general blah blah bollox as small talk is known as around here.
    I packed up and went,she thanked me for a job well done,youre welcome I replied as I took one last look at her git of a son,he was just smirking to himself.Couldve killed him.
    I drove off and pulled over,too mad to go to my next job.I slid over to the passenger seat,opened the door and pulled my trousers down and my knickers to one side as I didnt want his cum in me a second more.So so mad.I tried to bear down as it were but they would not come out,I knew they were in there somewhere,but try as I might they would not come out.
    His tadpoles never did come out,no idea where they mustve gone,mustve come so deep inside me they went into the balloon a****ls as I call them.Theyre probably still in there wandering around on a zimmer frame with a flashlight still trying to find their way out.
    I paint a pretty picture dont I.
    I was still fuming,still mad when I got home late.I dont know why but I showered,did my hair,even back combed it for more volume,makeup on,even remembered to put blusher on,best stockings,highest suede heels,best cocktail dress and ordered a taxi for Sheffield.
    So I spent that evening in a corner of a few pubs drinking my beer with a face like thunder.No wonder I didnt get chatted up lol.Which ofcourse made me even madder.
    Still,always the same,come half ten when the beers in the sense is out.So I got a couple of snogs and a bit of fingering outside a pub but thats all.Dont even remember who the guy was who was fingering me away on the street corner,not a clue.He wanted to go down an alley for I can guess what but I just shoved him away and stormed off.He called me something or other,dont remember dont care.I ended up just walking back along Attercliffe dragging my coat on the floor behind me,just totally disheartened,and more sad than mad.
    I didnt go home just wandered around for no reason,sat at the side of the canal down the bottom of Attercliffe staring into the black water thinking nothing at all.

    Needless to say I didnt do any crossdressing for a while after that,didnt wear sexy underwear under work clothes or anything.I kept getting the ache inside for something in me,and that part of my brain that longs to dress how I like to,what just feels right.feels nice,feels sexy,feels lovely.
    But I ignored it best I could.
    I think I just didnt know what I was thinking,what I wanted,where to go from here.I know I wanted to be with someone like me,another girly boy.I wanted that more than anything.I know I had a thing for older women,who doesnt.But a girly boy trumps even that but again I was feeling like a freak of nature,like Im the only one in the world that does this.I think back to all what Ive been through,all the things that people have done to me,or made me do,or what Ive wanted to do to them etc,just trying to work it all out.Am I really just good for shagging and nothing else?Just there for everyone elses entertainment?
    I dont learn do I?I never learn.......
    Im despairing at myself even now as I write this..Anyway,yes I dont learn,as its not long before Im wearing lingerie under my workclothes yet again,randy as anything again,so turned on cant say no to anyone.Oh dear.
    Again,working at this house,massive house,super posh.We are talking bags of money here.Old lady,say in her late fifties I think,with the worlds biggest boobs!Massive!They were on her lap honestly.Never seen any that big before.Now Im not a big fan of big boobs,I like flat chested girls or gurls.But I wanted to know what they felt like,I just wanted to get my hands on them.Me and touch,doesnt half get me in trouble.
    As usual she asked if I was a boy or girl as she didnt think girls did my job,I said they can drive cars now and vote!Whatever next.
    She asked again as I looked like one,so was I a boy or girl.I said yes.She looked puzzled.So I said yes again.I am.Both.Neither.Im weird.Me.
    Like that was an explanation.So after a bit of back and forth as she would not let it go,I explained I delve into both worlds.Im male in reality.She didnt believe me,banging on about I even sound like a girl let along look like one,and Im small skinny etc.I joked I could prove it.
    To my horror she said "ok.Prove it." and sat back in her chair,arms folded over those massive boobs of hers.She was a horrible woman I have to say,very domineering,really horrible and short snappy.I didnt like her at all.She was always scowling,urgh horrible vile woman,plus she gave me the creeps for some reason.
    I laughed and said I would not prove it,but she was insistant and getting quite angry.Plus at this time I was just really down in the dumps and a bit subdued with everything so easy to please I guess.I suppose its that thing,we need to be loved which makes us do stupid things sometimes.
    She was getting more and more mad,shouting at me now.What the hell.So I reluctantly agreed,anything for a quiet life.
    I slowly took off my top,so she could see my tiny boobs under a green and black lacey bodysuit as they were called.They were new,just come out,we called them 'onezies'.You know,one piece underwear with the presstuds in the crotch which always managed to do you harm if they could.I also had lacey stocking hold ups too on.But I had my boots on,so it took longer than usual to get them off,all the while shes growling instructions at me to take them off.
    I finally got them off and stood there in front of her in what must be the worlds biggest living room,it was huge!!!You couldve played football in it.I did feel a bit exposed and a bit daft too for some reason.She shouted at me to "get it out then" meaning my thing.So I slowly pulled my onezie to one side and out it popped,rock hard.He was enjoying himself even if I wasnt as I didnt like where this was headed,there was something wrong here but didnt know what,plus I think I wouldve done anything as I wanted to touch those massive boobs,I just had to know what they felt like.
    She ordered me to play with myself so I slowly stroked my cock infront of her.She then ordered me to dance around a bit.I didnt.I just moved slowly from side to side all the while wanking my cock slowly as she glared at me with disgust from the looks of things.So Im feeling like utter crap right now,and what on earth am I doing and what on earth is happening?!?!?
    Im thinking this and feeling really embarassed and stupid when I hear a blokes voice behind me.
    "Hello mother".
    Well this just worse.
    He sounded very posh,unlike us.
    "Hello mother" "hello son" was her reply.I thought no way are they related the ages dont match up at all,even near so whats going on?
    I had instantly put my hands over my cock to hide it,just as I became away of my bum cheeks hanging out and on full view as my onezie had ridden way up my crack.I felt so exposed and a little vunerable I have to say.
    I turned to see him coming over to us both,he was very tall mustve been well over 6 foot,I didnt even come up to his nipples or even close,and it was worse as no high heels just my bare stockinged feet.
    He was well dressed in a suit and tie,looked and smelt like a solicitor to me.
    "What have we here mother" he asked as he walked over,she replied "Im not entirely sure son see for yourself".
    Who talks like this?!?
    Im starting to think Ive walked into the Bates motel here!
    "what do you mean mother?" to which she replied "she for yourself my son".
    I mean seriously who talks like that.
    Im nervous as hell now as he comes up behind me,I turn my head back to look at her in her chair still glaring at me.I felt him behind me as he grabbed one of my hands by the wrist and pulled it away so my cock sprung out.I dont think it has ever been so swollen and red,the veins,I know its very veiny but this was way veinier than usual.It felt like it would explode any minute,I dont know why as I wasnt enjoying myself I know that much.
    "Well mother if it looks like a girl it should be treated as such" to which her reply was "well I did get it for you son".
    So Im an 'it' now am I?!
    Just as Im trying to process that insult I feel his big hand on my stomach and moving heavily up over my silky onezie then over my nipple.Damn it not that,anything but that.Too late I melt.I know cant help it,my nipples are way overly sensitive,just a brush or kiss,or suck just releases butterflies inside my cock and its so wonderful a feeling,I love it so much makes me all giggly inside,and then I just melt.Not good.
    He had massive hands.Like bloody shovels.He carried on moving it up over my chest and up onto my neck and squeezed it tightly.I hadnt been choked for a very long time.I gasped as he squeezed and I tried to look around and up at him to see what was going on in his eyes but I couldnt turn my head enough and it just made him squeeze my neck even more.
    "So you like being a girl do you?" he said in a really threatening kind of way,I couldnt talk ofcourse as I seem to have lost that ability,but I could guess as to whats about to happen next.
    He pulled me back by the throat back into him,I guess so his cock was touching my back,but I couldnt feel it touching me at all.My bare bum was touching his lower thighs I could feel that,and his big hand around my neck but thats all.All the while Im facing 'mother' and all the while shes just glaring at me with such hate in her eyes you wouldnt believe.
    He yanked the rubber band out of my hair which I used to hold my hair in a ponytail like I did in boy mode,manly I know.It snapped and pinged off somewhere.Then I could feel him fiddling about somewhere around on the small of my back,I could guess he was getting his cock out.I think he must have as he stopped fiddling and pulled me hard back into where Im guessing it was.Sorry,nowt there my old fruit cake cant feel a thing.
    I did think could it be a girl?Could be a very tall ugly one.
    Just as I was thinking that I felt him grab the back of my onezie and yank it hard back and up ripping the popper fastenings undone.Great that wont fasten again and they arent cheap you know.
    Why do people think that is sexy or a turn on?Buying us lingerie,that is a turn on,buying us a lovely dress is a turn on,and youd be suprised what we do as a thank you,but ruining our clothes doesnt really do it for us,especially if weve only had it for a couple of weeks!
    Anyway I digress,so ranting aside....yep he pulled it open and ruined it,it just hung there,one side drooping over my cock,the other somewhere on the small of my back.
    I then feel him shove a finger in me hard,then another when that didnt get the response he was hoping for Im guessing.
    He only roughly fingered me a few times before I could feel him yank them out and start trying to put his cock in me.I started to smirk a bit at this as he fumbled about.Errr thats the small of my back dickhead was all I could think.....errr still my back.....nope too far the other way I dont have a vagina installed....nope....still no.....
    Hes waving it about all over.How can he not know where my hole is.Its right there.I could tell he was getting frustrated,and Im starting to giggle a bit.The rotten old cow mustve sensed this as she jumps up and starts screaming in my face all kinds of insults and names,which I must admit really shocked me still.
    It was then he found my hole and started to try and shove it in me.I was debating should I clench it shut?Should I relax it to help him slip it in me?
    I wasnt actually sure what I wanted.I know I was starting to really not enjoy this,I didnt like how this was going.
    Slup......its in.Just as I was debating he had found my hole and shoved it in.
    She asked "is it in son?" "it is mother".
    Seriously what the helll right.
    I think he was only managing a semi,or had no idea what he was doing as he seemed to be holding it with his hand as he worked it in and out.I could tell he had had to bend his knees a lot to get it in though,as I could tell from his postion.He still had me by the neck as he started to try and shag me,holding me really tight up against him.It was like he thought my hole went straight forwards not upwards and curvy to the front like it does.What a terrible shag,why on earth does he think my bum goes horizontal?lol.
    'Mother' was just watching us with that hatefilled expression of hers,now and again calling me this or that.Nothing nice put it that way.
    I think his knees must be tiring about now,as he straightened them with his feet together which was bad news for me.As now I was being held still by my neck with my cock waving around in mothers face like mad,and my legs are flying about as my feet are waaaaay off the ground,which made his cock pull at my hole quite a lot,like it was holding me up.It wasnt,just felt like that.I cant do anything about my cock flying about,so instead I relax my legs so I just go limp like a ragdoll.
    It was that,that did it.I could feel myself coming,not anally,but normally,but it was hard to tell as he has a hard grip on my neck and another around my waist,his fingers really digging in me.
    The foul cow ordered me to grab 'it' and masterbate myself.I think that meant to give myself a treat.
    I reach over with my hand as theyre just down by my side as I didnt want to put my arms back around him at all,and I grabbed my own cock.Just the thrusting made me able to wank myself easily as I thought he can do all the hard work for a change.It took a while for me to cum,as the foul bag was calling me names and telling me how disgusting I was.I wasnt sure if that was supposed to turn me on,it doesnt,quite the opposite infact.Or if that was her thing.Who knows.
    Good job my bum sticks out like a girls though,as I think there was only that resting on his like pelvis I think that was taking my weight or I think I wouldve been strangled,or fell off.Anyway I did try and aim it in her direction to get my own back if you see what I mean,but it went flying all over the place as usual.I felt better for that,but as you know I buck and recoil like crazy when I come for some reason,which he seemed to like as it shoved me back hard onto his cock.
    I still could not tell if it was big small or what.No idea to this day.Dont know why.Ive been shagged in that position from being very young so I was well used to it,its better up against a wall though,so I dont know why I couldnt feel much on my insides.I knew I was wet though as you could hear the squelshie sounds as he went in and out.
    He came in me,he did make a bit of a performance about it,lots of grunts and stuff but I have to say it didnt exactly blow my socks off as we say in these parts.
    After he had done,he loosened his grip and just let me drop to the floor.Charming or what.Im on all fours to save my fall,hes putting his thing away,shes still scowling at me and finishes with a "disgusting creature".Not sure if that was aimed at me or him.
    "You can get rid of it now" she said to Norman.Sorry but I cant help but think thats what they were like.Definetly bates motel here.
    Next thing I know is a "yes mother" as Im scooped up around the waist and carried off!What the........
    He opens the huge oak back door,one of those huge arch doors with them massive brass square locks on it,and just tosses me out onto the drive from under his arm.I dont exactly land smoothly.I land badly with a bang,which makes his cum shoot out of my hole and down over my bum cheek.Im in total shock now,thank goodness it was one of those long long drives thats miles from the road,so at least no one can see me there in a heap,legs all over the place,hair in a total mess with a torn onezie laddered stockings and some creeps cum running out over my little white bum cheeks.
    Just before he slams the door shut I managed to talk again and managed to shout "my clothes!" but the door was slammed shut.This is bad.
    Then a moment or so later,felt like hours anyway,it opens again and he just chucks my clothes on me.No glare in his eyes,no feeling at all in those eyes of his.Just coldness.
    At least Ive got my clothes.Bad day to choose boots as I try to pull them back on and make my way to my vehicle thinking how many times have I dont this eh!
    After I sat there and came round a bit as I was like shocked or something,I drove off all the while thinking that couldve gone so so so badly for me,so badly.
    Then the thoughts of sat at the lights with cum oozing out of me,sat in a puddle of warm goo,feeling used.How many times have we been here eh.
    That night in the pub,in boy mode ofcourse,all I was thinking was how badly that couldve gone,what the hell was that about,how many more times am I going to do daft things,feeling used again,story of my lift,thinking back to being finger banged on the swings when little by some old pervs holding me by the hair so I cant get away along with the usual "if its up yer bum it dont count".In other words you cant complain or tell anyone cos its up yer bum and that dont count.Only vaginas count,that matters.bums dont.
    Weirdly we all believed that crap.I know its hard to believe,but we had all heard it,even used it ourselves,and heard it when some lass complained about being shagged up her bum at a party by everyone...."if its up yer bum it dont count" was all she got back.
    So yes we all believe it,just like we had once believed you could get 'girl germs' from touching a girl.I would still love to know what girl germs actually was.Do we turn into one?Do we come out in a rash?What?
    Oh the crap that circulates.
    Later on we would get you can get aids from a toilet seat,or a coffee mug,or even worse was only gays get it.
    Everyone shut their gobs about that last one,when one of our class died of aids a few months after the bates motel incident.He was a heamophiliac and as gay as a boxing glove.
    s**ter brain alert again.Sorry.
    So errr.......yep sat in the pub going over everything in my head,trying to make sense of it all when my mate came in with a face like a ghost "have you heard" he said,I asked what."Gazzer has hung himself".
    That was it.He was in our class at school,lived up the hill from us,infact I could hit their house with a high powered rifle,village life again I know.But he didnt get the job he wanted,so hung himself.Hell of a shock.We had already buried another school chum who couldnt get into the army so had killed himself.Not good.
    It certainly put my piss poor problems into focus.As they say it can always be worse.Or as we put it around here-"live in hope die in despair" with a dark humour ofcourse.
    Everyone was in shock at the news.Awful.He was a nice lad too.
    So that was about 5 we had lost from our class already.Up to present day,two thirds have gone now.
    We had a few drinks to him,but it was a subdued night.I walked home,quietly went in,quietly packed all my lingerie,dresses,skirts tops and makeup,my huge collection of alice bands up,bagged them up and took them out to the bin.
    Ive done with all that now,once and for all.
    I think it hit us all hard that bad news.Things seemed different now somehow,the world was changing.Gone was the imminent threat of instantly being nuked which we had grown up with,gone was the wall to wall v******e at football matches,skinheads punks,mods rockers,combat 18 national front and british movement,everyone seemed to be growing up,things seemed to be going girly.Steel works gone,engineering firms gone,pits,everything was going or gone.No more iron clad blokes off to work the steam hammers,no more big red glow lighting up the night sky when they opened the furnace over two miles away,no more orange fog in winter,or green fog sometimes,no more snow to play in,and long gone was the sound of the steam hammers thudding out and the vibration through the ground with each thump of the hammer,like a giants heartbeat.
    Silence and the wind the rain and the cold was all we had now.
    v******e seemed to have gone replaced by loss and change and the worlds most evil woman as primeminister.Thatcher was the most hated person in our neck of the world.As everyone used to say,we can forgive hitler,he was just a pathetic nobhead,but thatcher we can never forgive.He bombed us,but never destroyed us or our industry and livelyhoods.She did.
    Anyway shes satans problem now.
    To quote a Killing Joke song,"goodbye to the village."
    The farm was now shops,the fields we played in,got snogged and fingered in where now houses,where all the industry used to be was just fields and fields of rubble and broken bricks as far as the eye could see.Our world was gone,ripped from us,all we knew gone.v******e had been replaced by anger,and an overwhelming sense of loss.

    Which brings us to the end nearly.I decided to put crossdressing behind me,to try and be manly whatever that means as I had just got my second award for bravery for risking my neck to save others.I should have been killed,no idea how I got away with that one.
    Everyone still thought I was something of a pyscho kitten,so no one bothered me anymore,only once more was I attacked for being a girly boy,from behind in the dark after I had had a few beers,how brave.It didnt go well for him lets just say.Martial arts really do work btw.
    But that was the last time.
    My face was changing,definetly a lot less girly than it used to be.I was trying to be a boyfriend,but my heart wasnt in it so I broke that off.Id decided I would just be on my own,cant go wrong with that.
    I still had my motorbikes,my mid engine sports cars which I adored,still had my push bike,still had one male best friend and one female best friend.I had also decided to just be me,all I did was talk normally,girly in other words,be girly as I am normally,but did try to walk more manly,as I do have a natural swing on my hips as I walk.But otherwise I was just myself.
    I grew my hair as long as I liked,it was down to my bum cheeks!Really.I loved it that long,I really liked it like that,in a ponytail right down to my bum,and loved how it bounced off my bum as I walked.As I just didnt give a monkeys anymore.It took ages to wash and blow dry though,but I adored brushing one side over my head so it fell down by my face and over my chest really girly looking.Id smile and feel warm inside...then I would remember Ive done with all that,and promptly brushed it back.

    Not a lot happened around this time.The only thing I can think of was I went out with a very much older woman,seriously fit,lovely boobs and really long nipples,about an inch long,like little cocks.Could not suck them enough.But she was very hairy,really hairy down there urgh.I half expected David Attenborough to come climbing out of there talking about rain forests and chimpanzees.Her son did NOT approve of me,and I couldnt be doing with the hassle,so that fizzled out.SHe had a gorgeous figure though,really curvy.Loved that.
    I went out with a couple of girls but was just not really bothered,they didnt do anything for me dont know why.Some lasted a day,some a few weeks.Yet every single girl whether we are just snogging or at it,do they finger me.Is it just me?These are straight girls btw.So do they finger all blokes?Is it a female thing?Are all straight males being fingered away by their missis?Or is it just me?Id love to know.
    I think it must be a girl thing.
    Anyway,the only thing of note I think was me and my male best friend were out in the pub having a few beers and putting the world to rights etc,when he went off to the bar for more beers as I finished mine.It was packed as usual for a Friday so he would be some time.When some bloke about our age came over and started talking to me.Nothing strange about that,its Yorkshire,its what we do.You cant stand in the cue at Tescos without the learning the life story of the lady in front.I love to go down south sometimes as its hilarious,as no bugger talks at all.No one talks in cues,and if you say hello how are you,or ask how things are going to the shop assistant,its like theyre looking for the panic button.
    Weird.
    Anyway,I didnt think anthing odd about being talked to,its normal.He wasnt chatting me up just general blah blah bollox as its known.He was nice and polite though,and we had a good rattle (talk).
    He asked if I wanted to go to a club with him,I said no thanks we were just out for some beers before heading off home.He then asked if I wanted to meet up at some point.
    That hit me as weird as blokes dont say that to other blokes.And then I realised,oh dear,me thinks he thinks Im female.Oh deary me.Thats not happened for a while.
    I said thanks but no,I am actually a boy.Sorry.Dont know why I felt the need to appologise but thats the English for you I suppose.If we got run over we would appologise to the driver probably for messing his tyres up.
    He looked suprised which I found hard to believe.Then I realised,we were stood up at the table,so he couldnt see my bulge which was a dead give away.I was in my usual skin tight jeans,boots and skin tight black t shirt.So full on boy mode.I did have my hair in a ponytail ofcourse,with manly rubber band around it,so was suprised he thought I was female.Oh well.
    He muttered sorry,didnt know,sorry,his mistake,Im all no problem and laughing it off as nothing diffusers a situation like a big smile.Red faced he went off back into the crowd as my mate came back with a couple of more beers.
    "Whats up?Has yer boyfriend got cold feet?" he asked sarcy,I told him to get stuffed and to sod off.Ofcourse best friends cant let it go so I got a "so youre not going to do your usual of getting drunk and letting him take you roughly over the bins round the back of the pub then?"
    "NO!" I snapped back,along with a "git" for extra emphasis.I then thought about it.......I dont remember doing that.......did I?Dont think so.Im sure I never did owt like that.Done it to a lass befor now,but sure I havent.....or did I?.......
    He then falls about helpless for having wound me up and making me think about it.The sod.
    But its just one of the things I love about being best mates with someone since being little,you can insult each other till the dogs come home,and no offence is ever taken or meant,and you can wind each other up like clockwork.I do love banter.
    Im still pretty sure I never did do that though.Sure of it.I think....great Im trying to think back now.But Im sure.........well anyway Im off to kill him hehehe.

    The only other thing at this time was videos!
    I think!Im not entirely sure where this fits in,not sure if it comes sooner or a bit later.Hmmmm not sure at all.Doesnt matter....
    Videos.Yes we have a video.
    Thats only funny to people of my own age.
    My mate wanted to go to the mucky shop for some mags,so I went as shotgun,plus a nosey round the mucky shop as not been for yonks (ages).
    As usual we went at stupid o'clock so no one would see us going in,as it was huge taboo to be seen going into the mucky shop.I have to say they had a lot more stuff in than they used to.As usual they had employed someone behind the counter whos qualifications were,really creepy,and lack of personal hygiene."Do you party" was our welcome.Errr whats that even mean?I still dont know to this day.
    As usual my mate heading to the big jugs mags while I wandered around...bondage gear been there....whips been there....I see the gay section has doubled in size,must be slowly become accepted I guess,about bloody time.The usual girly mags boring,older women mags...some very attractive ladies there hmmm....oh videos!
    I had a nosey through the vids,usual girl vids,tons of lesbo vids,two gay vids,nice to see they cater for all tastes,and then I saw this lass on the cover of one and had to grab it.She was THE most gorgeous lass I had even seen.Total smitten at first sight.Tanned,gorgeous expressive eyes,blonde hair,slim,just pefect perfect perfect.I thought I want to see more of her,dont care if its softcore,I need to see more of her!£30?!?!Youre having a laugh arent you?!?!At least have the decency to wear a mask and point a gun at me first!
    Robbing sods.
    My mate came over with three mags and asked if I was ready for the off.I said "let me guess,big jugs,big jugs and just for a change,big jugs?" referring to his mags."yes yes and errr....yes!"
    We then had a domestic with me going on about his obsession with big jugs,and even big jugs do come attached to some lady or other,and at some point you will have to interact with her you know.So it cant all be about big jugs you know.He wouldnt have it,big jugs are all that matters.
    Sigh.I did point out he had just put the womens movement back ten years.I swear its like Im the only human on a planet inhadbited by chimps at times.
    He got his busty ladies and I parted with a whopping £30 for the vid.It better be good I told the shop perv,I do own a gun you know.
    We then asked for them to be placed in very thin see through brown paper bags so every bugger out there can see what we have bought.He did and we left.
    I couldnt wait for everyone to go to bed so I could load my vid up and see this lass I was totally smitten on.Talk about love at first sight.No nothing to do with love.Perv at first sight.
    I switched the tele on and waited it for it to warm up (remember when we had to do that?),then quick as a flash turn the volume knob down so I wouldnt wake the house up,switched on the video and pressed eject to open the top load cassette thingy.Why do they have to make so much noise?!
    In goes the vid,press close,wait for the motors to stop waking next door up,press play.....ok nothing but pixels,adjust tracking...oh nearly,back a bit,oh too much just a tad more....still pixels accross the middle but its the best its going to be.....we are in some garden,looks tropical Im guessing Brazil from the looks of it....where is she.....oh hello.Oh there she was,oh my I am in love.There was something,a bloke maybe in it as well,dont know never noticed,shes got hold of a cock anyway so must be attached to something,who cares....
    It was the usual sex scene,nothing exciting but I couldnt help but perv over her,perfect body,so so heartbreakingly beautiful I love her.....she slips her pants off...great lets see yer growler luv....oh.
    Oh indeed.That cant be right.Rewind....play....bloody tracking....there we go...oh.
    She has a cock.She has a very big cock.She has the most gorgeous cock Ive seen.That cant be right.Rewind....must be stuck on or something....play....nope it looks real enough.Bloody tracking I swear.....
    I looked at the cover again...she looks like a girl.....but she has a cock.Oh how many times have I heard that eh.
    Shes getting a good seeing to up her bum.What a gorgeous bum.I look at the cover again 'Danni Evangelista' is her name aparently.The world according to dany was the title.
    Who cares time for a treat.
    That was the fastest I have ever come.It usually takes a lot to make me cum,usually takes ages and ages.infact youre probably best putting the kettle on and having a fag while you wait,but not this time.
    One isnt enough.I need to cum again,rewind here we go....damn tracking....I cum again......and again.Its been a while since I did three in a row.Why is it the second one isnt quite as good or hard as the first,and the third one just hurts?weird.
    Well you can imagine what I was doing every night for the next few weeks.
    Back to the mucky shop I need more Danni.There had nowt,but did have one with two blonde lasses on the cover,I liked how one looked a lot,such a lovely smile,nice eyes,"transexual heartbreakers" I think it was,something like that.
    That night,same again.....oh its both together.....excellent....oh some bloke as well.....Im not going to have a cock left come xmas at this rate.
    It was Brandy Scot and Christy McNichol.I liked Brandy a lot.Its certain those cocks are real.I really like Brandy but Im thinking of Dannii.
    I got another vid,forgot its title,but it was Karen Dior.I REALLY liked Karen.

    So am I like them then?Am I one of these transexuals?Or a tranny as it says on the other one?Is that what I am?I didnt think so,as they were women,had boobs,big ones.Bloody tall!But they are women.Im just a boy that looks a lot like a girl.Plus I dont have huge boobs or killer figures like them.So I dont think Im one of those.Need more input.Back to the mucky shop.
    "Do you party?"I swear Im going to punch his llights out if he says that one more time.
    Trawling through the mags they had a new section with two mags in it.One was tranny heaven or something,the other was crossdressing something or other.Cant remember.But the pictures on them,it was clear they were male,but dressed as women.
    Got them home,laid on the bed,read them cover to cover and back again.Studied every picture.Gave myself a treat.Read some more.
    Gave myself another treat.Im really going to need a new cock soon at this rate.
    So whats a transvestite?Is that like Danni?Whats a crossdresser then?Is that different?Just when I thought I had answers I just had more confusion.But then I had a look at the suplement that came in the sealed poly bag the mag came in that is resistant to all know attacks and weapons.You could never get into the buggers could you?!
    It was like a directory,some stories and pix of cd's,then just at the back she was there.Joanna Jet.Hello answers.
    It was her early cd days,she was short like me,no real curves like me,same eyes,hair,oh she likes scrunchies too!I have my hair the same way!But she has a short fringe,brave,I need a long one to hide behind.She loves Alice bands,so do I!
    So she is a crossdresser or cd according to the story thing at the side of her pic.Is that me then?We do look a lot alike,even our cocks are very alike.Shes little boobs like me too.But infinetly more gorgeous than more by a country mile and then some!!!!.Makes me look a total dog.
    Oh hell I have that same bra too!...or did have.
    And that was it dear readers,that was the first time,thanks to Joanna,that I knew what I was at long last.Im a cd.Finally it all made sense of why Im like this,why Ive always been like this,and oh look theres a club in london for them to go to.Theres like two dozen of us!Im not alone!
    Little did I know at the time there is bloody millions of us.
    Ive followed Joanna since then,as I am forever in her debt for being brave enough to post pix of herself in magazines for the rest of us to perv over.As it does take guts for us you know.
    If it wasnt for her who knows.
    SOooooooo Im a cd.So whats a tv?Whats the difference?Are drag queens cd or tv or something else?So whats a trans?
    After a lot of mags,and vids,then dvds I managed to work it out.Ish.
    Trans are women.They are born women but have the wrong body.Its like if I woke up in the morning knowing I am me,looked in the mirror and saw Boris Johnson looking back at me,I kwow thats not me,Im in the wrong body.I know who I am and that aint me.its like that I think.But hormones,horrendous side effects,a HELL of a lot of courage guts and determination,and horrendous operations later,I would be able to look in the mirror and see me,the real me.Its like that.They are women,born women,they just happen to have the wrong body thats all.Once thats put the way it should be,they are as they really are.
    Cd tvs are different.Tvs I think,go to huge lengths to look female with padding and all sorts of stuff,hours of makeup to achieve that look.Cant help but admire their skill and talant,and patience.But they do look amazing at the end of the process.
    Thats not me.I dont want to look female,I dont want to be taken for a female,thats not my aim.I simply like girly things.Makeup.Dresses.Stockings lingerie high heels.I dont care if I look like Fred Flinstone in a dress or look like a woman.It isnt my aim.
    Some cds dress for a thrill.Some cds dress as they like to play dressup.,All of which is fine and fun.But thats not me.We are all a little different and like different things.Me,I just love to wear womens clothes makeup jewellry.Always have.And thats really it.
    Thats me.
    But for me,crossdressing means,when Im in boy mode,thats me crossdressed,thats me in the wrong clothes.
    Yep Im male,everyone and their grandma has seen it,no denying it,Im male.I do have girly legs,torso,feet arms hips etc.I dont have a male body.And untill I was about 35 everyone thought I was female even in boy mode.Now,no one thinks that,its obvious now Im male.
    But still,boy clothes dont fit me.I have to buy my jeans in the boy section as man section they dont go down small enough for my size,yet still dont fit right.Male shoes dont fit right.Shirts nope.No male clothes made for males,fit me even slightly.
    Yet female clothes,you name it it fits me perfectly.Corsets shoes boots minidresses cocktail dresses evening dresses knickers doesnt matter,it fits perfect.
    It feels perfect.Feels right.Im happy Im comfy.Put me in male clothes Im not happy,not happy at all!Feels wrong hate them.
    So thats why I call myself a crossdresser,as I do dress up in the wrong (male) clothes and go out like that.The rest of the time Im in female clothes.
    So thank you Joanna Jet and the publishes of that mag for me finally finding out what I am and why I do this,and moreover for me knowing Im not alone.
    So Im not a freak of nature after all,theres loads of us!yaaay!
    Still doesnt help though,as about now Im at a crossroads,which road do I go down?Am I gay straight or greedy?Do I want to be with a female,older woman or another cd?Or trans?Or bloke?Hmmm Im thinking Cd,but I would shag them to death,so second choice older woman.Id still shag them to death though.So either.
    Who knows.We will see.

    I did go out with a couple of lasses,boring.I was hanging out with my female best friend a lot about now,pretty much every night.I adored her.She was so girly,fantastic legs,best Ive ever seen,superb dancer (hence the legs then),always full on make up hair done,gorgeous dresses and stockings and 6inch heels.Then another day biker helmet and leathers.Ofcourse she took the mickey out of my bike as I had a 400cc,and hers was a 850 I think it was,or a 750.She was always making out someone had stole half my cylinders.Cheeky mare.She had a warped sense of humour like mine,gallows humour its called,all bikers have it,as its something you develop when death is always at your shoulder.She grew up in our village,Id known her since being 8 years old,been mates since about 15,and best mates since about 20 21ish.The other bonus was she was smaller than me!That makes a change.
    I loved how direct she was no fannying about and just said what she thought.Upset her and she would punch your lights out.So typical Yorkshire lass.
    She was older than me by a couple of years or so.I did love her utterly.Bestest friend anyone could hope for.She had seen me with D for all those years in the pub,she went to the same pub,had seen me in full on girl mode a lot of times,knew I messed with the older boys and what have you.But never judged.Again,when her friends asked what I was like,she said the same,a girl with a cock.
    She invited me to go on girls night out with the rest of the lasses.I said I cant cos Im a boy and they would lynch me,as girls night out rules stipulate no boys,no talking to them getting off with them on pain of death.Girls only.
    She ofcourse didnt hear a word of it,so I find myself on girls night out.Stood at the end of a big table in a pub,surrounded by 7 very angry women,becouse Im a boy and this is girls night out.All I could think was "so this is how I die".
    But my best friend B just said "hes not like the others,hes different,hes one of us trust me" in that way of hers that meant take my word for it or I will smash your faces in.
    Never mess with little females,the smaller they are the more fierce they are.
    So I was ignored and glared at,but once the beers were kicking in and I started to talk a bit,it just worked.They could tell I was just like them.I soon got accepted,they even became a little over protective of me,so I was just one of the girls.They even awarded me the official title of "honourary girl" so I could go on girls night out with them.
    Not sure if I should be proud of that or insulted lol.
    But loved it.Totally in my element.Always been surrrounded and outnumbered (outgunned?) by the female of the speicies.It was all familiar to me.Loved it.
    We had soooooooo many laughs.Plus as I was male,I would have to explain to them why we are all pigs and should be shot whenever one of them had just been dumped or something.So I was jumping from one world to the next.Love it.Plus I had up to 13 women sometimes in the palm of my hand,and could make them laugh their socks off easily with my weird sense of humour and ability to jump from male to female mode and back again at will.Utterly loved it so so much.Except at the end of the night when they would all snog my face off one after the other as Id always go bright red and embarrassed,which was why they did it."aaawww look hes gone all shy awwwww".Sods.
    We did this for years.A very happy time for me this was,plus I always had something to look forward to on the weekend,girls night out!So no matter how shitty work was,or who had just been killed,there was always that to look forward to.
    I was still resisting the crossdressing yaay me or what.But it was always there in the back of my mind.
    No suprise me and my best friend got it together,her idea not mine.She loved how girly I was,loved all my girly traits,loved my cock,a lot,my sense of humour,but really really didnt like my irish temper.She only saw it in action once when some nobhead attacked me on the way out of the pub Im guessing for looking girly so a soft target.She didnt have owt to do with me for days after.I had to go around and talk her back into going out with me,and to explain my terrible temper.I did tell her its rare for it to go,and only some things set it off,and I hate it,its not me,but it has saved my bacon a LOT over the years.I just dont like being attacked thats all.And a couple of other things set it off like crims,hate them,bullies hate them they have to die,just stuff like that.Rest of the time Im just a big girls blouse really.
    She finally relented after lots and lots of persuation.Cant spell that at all.
    She was perfect.Perfect body gorgeous loved her.Sex was so involved.Nothing too pervy so dont get too excited.So involved and she was so enthusiastic about it too.That was new.Loved her permantetly erect nipples which were really long and fat.Biggest pussy lips Ive ever seen,and the biggest pussy Ive ever had my hand in.To say she was tiny,how can she have such a huge puss?!?One hand and my cock fitted easily.No anal she didnt care for that,but she could suck the chrome off a bumper though.Best sex ever by far.
    Didnt take long to fall in love with her and her me.She knew what I had been up to,I never told her but she knew most of it,village life again.So she had one rule....she didnt mind me being girly,having my hair down to my bum,as I still did at that point,but no wearing dresses,or her lingerie.No crossdressing.That was it.Otherwise just be myself,in other words girly.
    Her terms were acceptable.As I had already got a small stash in the garage,secret stash of minidress stockings high heels padded bra and silky knickers.Its enough.Im sure she knew,she did know,but never said anything,as long as I didnt go out in them it was ok.
    Happy bunny,that was me.

    And finally.......and sadly.....the last time I got mistook for a girl.I was about 30ish,35 I think.Something like that.Out on girls night out,there was about 4 or 5 of us stood at the end of the bar side all talking away and having a laugh.It wasnt even happy hour as I called it,it was still early on.I had my hair in a pony down to my bum as usual,tightish black jeans and tight black t shirt.So boy mode.
    Next thing I know someone grabs my arse,so tight I felt his finger go up my bum!Ok I didnt have any knickers on,but still.
    "buy yer a drink darrrlin" was what I heard him say.
    Let me get this right.Youve grabbed my arse and still are doing.Your middle finger I can feel is just up inside my hole a little way,and you think that approach will sweep me off my feet so Im just going to have to let you shag me?
    Really?
    I just growled "mines a pint",as the rest of the girls fell about helpless with laughter.The idiot is looking around wondering why they are all helpless,when B shouted at him "hes a bloke dumbass".He looked at me shocked,puzzled,didnt believe it,Im smirking,then the others all said "he really is yer dozy cunt".Nice lasses btw,but they dont hold back as I said earlier.He looked at me,looked at them,looked again at me,Im starting to laugh aswell,he looks down,yep no mistaking that bulge.I feel his finger whipping out of me at lighting speed,my jeans followed it out,and hes muttering someting about "errr sorry mate errr didnt know errr..." and legs it.
    His mates are helpless too.I could hear him from way over in the corner trying to defend himself "well I didnt effin know did I.I mean look.How was I supposed to effin know.......eff off.......et etc".His mates were helpless,so were the girls."I think youve pulled" they all joked."Oh get stuffed" was all I could come up with.
    Can always rely on my best mate,and girlfriend as she was then to make it even worse...she wound me up all night about she can talk me up,put a word in for me,what a cute couple we would make etc.Who needs enemies eh.
    And that was the very last time I was ever mistook for a girl.

    Rant mode on........to say B was straight as she claimed.Not gay or anything,not bi even a little.After that incident of the bloke with his finger up my bum,cheeky git,for some reason I wanted to cut my hair short.I didnt want to look like a girl anymore.No idea why,non at all,even to this day I dont know why my long hair Id had since being a baby had to go.
    I asked B to cut it all off.She refused,she loved my hair like that.But I talked her into it.She said she wanted to throw up as she cut it off.Thats it,Im one hundred percent male now.Short hair for the first time in my life.I looked in the mirror,bloody hell I look afwul.B hated it.I went to hug her "dont you come near me........get sodding stuffed".She would not let me near her at all.She hated it so much.Its still me I said."No it isnt and you can forget sex.no sex till you grow it back again".
    And she meant it.There was no sex at all,and we had been at it twice a day every day,for a lot of years up to that point.But she meant it,not even a kiss or cuddle.
    My male best friend when he saw me with male haircut,or man hair as I called it,he just took one look and said "you look like a cunt".
    Who needs enemies.lol
    Oh that was a long long few months till it grew long again.Dont worry I made her make up for no sex for a couple of months.
    So to say she wasnt bi even a little,how come she couldnt stand being near me with short hair,but couldnt leave me alone with seriously long girly hair?Hmmmm.Not bi?So how come snogging,she fingers me,sex,Im being fingered away.before during.....always fingering me away.
    Not bi my arse.Anyway why is it every single girl I have ever known,has fingered me senseless?Bi ones straight ones didnt matter.Whats that about.
    Anyway,that was the last time anyone thought I was a girl.35 years I had of everyone treating me as a girl,or thinking I was.Never happened since.
    Not long after that,a gay bloke did proposition me in the toilets,but I politely turned him down,thanks but Im going out with a lass and Im not gay.He thought I was.But sorry mate,nope.
    That was a first,never been took for a gay bloke ever!It was always Im a girl,aparently.

    Yep me and B got married,had no end of adventures,up and down,lots of laughs and heartache.Just life,thats all.But it was perfect for us.Everyone thought it weird best friends getting married,but it worked for us.Perfect.For the first time in my life I was treated as normal,and accepted for who and what I am and more important the way I am.
    For the first time in my life I could just be myself......"just no going out in a minidress ok.....I know you! oh and NO WEARING MY KNICKERS!" as she used to say lol.All the sex you could want,and it was wonderful and never the same twice,and full of love no longer everyones play thing.Equals just as it should be.
    Loved it.Loved her.Heart and soul.Love it.
    Everyone should be made to marry their best friend,it should be a law or something as it cant be beat.For example,you go out to the pub for some beers.All the other couples are sat there side by side,never talking,never saying a word,just staring straight ahead all night in silence.Familiar strangers.
    Us,we were rattling for England,having a laugh and talking about everything from high heels to bikes and tanks.
    Btw girls love tanks.Just thought you should know that.
    But that was it,we were best friends first and foremost.
    Another example is,couples go on holiday and lay by the pool not talking just being slowly baked,or dying of boredom.Us,we were sailing into Montego bay on a cateraman at sunset with Bob Marley blasting out "no woman no cry".
    Proper couples get married in a church and have their photographs taken in the grave yard.Is that to show that its about to become like death for them?
    Us we got married in Jamaica in a tropical garden next to a water fall.when Jamaica was still tourist free and its airport was a shed and an old runway from WW2,and in the evening we slow danced on a balcony with a band playing down below.We just loved it.
    Or if you prefer,we used to go to Whitby twice a year for a week.We would rent an old fishermans cottage down near the 199 steps below the Abbey.As we both loved Whitby as its full of weirdos.and we were weird so we just fitted in.It felt like home.
    Now normal couples have a few beers and go back to the cottage and go to bed,or read,or die of boredom.Us,we in the pub,well sauced (Duke of York,best beer in the world and the landlady is a stunner!),and we are staggering back to the cottage up Henrieta Street,B is in her 6 inch stilletoes as usual as it makes her 5ft 5 tall,Im having a go at her as to how on earth can she walk in those,well sauced,and on a cobbled street!?Shes all its easy,nowt to it.I still dont know how on earth she could do that.
    The wind changed direction and got up,a storm is on its way in.We head back to the wonky house on Herieta Street we had rented (the same house that the lead singer of Simply red comes out of in the video "holding back the years".Btw how gorgeous was the teacher in that video?),so you know which house we are on about.
    We just make it back when a huge lightning storm broke out,we had been making out all the way back as usual,so we just did it right there on the step of that house,in the street,in the middle of a thunderstorm in Whitby.Cant get more goth than that.It was amazing I have to say.The flashes of lightning lighting us up,followed by the deafening thunder as we pounded away.
    I know Im overly dramatic at times,but hell that was soooooooooo me.Anyway she came at the exact same moment a huge rip of thunder rang over us,so shes worse than me.
    Yep it should be the law to marry ones best friend.Its the best.
    Except when an angry voices comes from the bedroom "have you been wearing my cami?It doesnt bloody fit anymore,baggy as hell....Im going to kill you".I try to defend myself by pointing out it couldve been the washing machine,but you just get "bloody washing machines dont try your bloody clothes on!".
    Women.

    oh I still had my secret stash btw.hehehe

    So there you go,thats pretty much it.Theres loads more Im sure,Ive forgot most of the daft things Ive done.Only the other day I remembered at school running the crosscountry,some of us would take the short cut and hide in a shell hole from the bombing of Sheffield in the blitz for 15 mins or so,then come jogging out to the finish line trying to look breathless.Yet a lot of times when a certain few piled into the shell hole with me I knew what was coming next.Here we go again,shorts yanked down,clothes yanked off,getting my face snogged off as I have to snog them all and give them a quick wank off at the same time,and other times like one would cum in my hair and not tell me,so Im sat in class with cum all down the back of my hair!So everyone knew what Id been up to.
    Gits.But bloody hell did we have some laughs,adventures and misadventures.At least we lived.

    So thats about it.I will leave it at that I think.I will do one more blog post,just a huge rant on crossdressing,as I need to vent and transmit some truth back into the matrix so for now let me finish with this phrase,its not mine but I love it and its just so me,so us,sums us all up just perectly.....
    "cross-dressing is living art, I paint myself as i see fit.
    I want to create something pretty.
    If I am not making you smile I am not doing my job"
    x



    Where are they now?
    I just know you are all dying,all three of you thats bothered to read all this,dying to know what happened to everyone.Tell me Im wrong!
    Ok,well Im still here!Still crossdressing,nearly 57 soon,and no way do I look girly anymore,even a little bit so I did get some testosterone at some point then.
    A lot have died,a lot are dead now,long gone.But my sister whos clothes I was always stealing is still alive,living in Wales,so thats like being dead isnt it.Im half welsh so I can slag them off aswell hehehe.
    I never see her,hear from her now and again.No loss.
    Mom,who used to chase me around when Id took off my yucky boy clothes and chucked them in the bin then run around naked,in protest...she died three years ago with dementia.
    I nursed her for years all on my own up to the very end.So I didnt turn out too bad after all.Sorry for being such a weird k** though.
    Everyone else in the family has gone too.Just me and useless sis left.
    Dee,shes still here in the village,but its no longer a village its housing estates everywhere.She got married,he got locked up,she had two bairns but they were took into care.Dont know why.She then married one of the criminal family (yes it was a lot like Emmerdale and the Dingles at times).She hasnt been happy since us.Saw her a few years ago,still got the exact same figure as me,but short hair now,mine is still long,but still the same.She saw me,and we were together long enough to talk with just a look.I knew what she was thinking,so was I.But you can never go back.
    My best mate male friend,my only male friend ever,since we were 7 years old,is still around.The one who I messed about with in the shed that time,rubbing cocks.We never talk about that,I still see him twice a week at least,were still best mates 50 years on.Hes been married twice,got two k**s and two step k**s.Yes he still winds me up the git,and still has an obsession with big juggs.
    M is still around.Still lives with his mom who he now cares for as she has dementia too.Thanks Chernobyl.
    Still single,does some online dating and that kinda thing.His sister is still around,living other side of town,and I still would.She just has sex appeal.
    She got married two bairns,the usual.
    Julia,my best friend all through school,married,two bairns,gave up her dancing carreer,looked after her mom who lived at the top of our road,when she got dementia.Shes gone now.
    The gorgeous ballerina P,she still makes my heart skip a beat when I think of her.She left to do her dancing career,ended up marrying a fat old Japanese business man.Hasnt been happy since.No k**s.
    The older boys that used to mess around with me,some are gone,but one is still around.He runs the local garage where I take my cars for their mot.Hes still a collosal perv.He married,gorgeous lovely lovely lass,had a lovely daughter.Theyre all still together and living in the next viillage.
    He still gropes me,feels me,pretends to bum me,still talks loudly about what a slut I was and Id do owt for a sixpence lol.He still doesnt take anything seriously.He hasnt changed one little bit.He makes me laugh still the mad old perv.
    My punky friends are mostly gone.Two were still around, one currently doing life for murder and numerous armed robberies.The other went this year.We met up one last time a couple of years ago to relive the glory days over a couple of beers as he knew he only had a couple of years left.It was him who shot the nobhead who shot me in my arm for being a girlyboy outside the Marples in Sheffield.He probably saved my life that night.
    He never had bairns,but his girlfriend of 30 years is still around.Currently drinking herself to death.Shame shes a nice lass.
    Blonde lass I went out with,one of Dees previous conquests is still around.Married one bairn,lives in Leeds now.On purpose.
    The girls on girls night out have moved away,and weve lost touch but I think theyre still around or we wouldve heard.
    The lovely old bloke next door that I always fancied since being little,as he looked just like a big old teddy bear,and so gentle and nice,lovely bloke.Hes now moved away and living with his daughter.Weird,no matter how dressed up,or how slutty I dressed,no matter how big I made my eyes go,how big I made my smile,no matter how obvious I made it known that I wanted him to do me,he never did.He was so lovely,he was there next door the day I was born in this house.Been there every day since.Hes seen me boy mode girl mode and running down the street naked being chased by my poor old mother when Ive rebelled and chuck my boy clothes in the bin.lol.My poor old mother the crap she had to put up with when I was little.So he knew full well I was a crossdresser from being little yet never judged or anything.Wish everyone was like that.Still I wouldve loved to.
    The huuuuuge aprentice,ginger giant who made the two bullies cry like little girls when we were all out in our girlfriends clothes,he was killed a couple of years later on the gas rigs.He left behind a wife and a daughter.Maddest,funniest,nicest and biggest bloke Ive ever known.
    Anyone else?Dees girlfriends who doubled up on me,with me on the receiving end ofcourse,no idea what happened to them.Or the creepy ones at Bates Motel,or the pretend girly boy that had his way with me.
    Most of our class are now gone.But theres about a third of us still going,for now.The world is changing again,a bit for the better,a lot for the worse.Its how it goes,how its always gone.My world is dispearing,and I will join it at some point soon.
    So,if any young crossdresser one day stumbles on this,and wants a piece of advice from an old crossdresser,not that they will listen as they are young,I was once,and I didnt listen either.But my one and only piece of advice would be,make the most of it while you can.
    You are a long time old.
    So to those two or three thats bothered to read all this,thank you so much for your time,so much.Thank you.No one knows all of this,some know bits,but not all of it.But you do now.I hope you know how deeply personal all of this is to me,and what a big deal it was to open up about everything,some good,some not so good.Im sorry its all written in a cold factual way like a lab report or something,Im not writer.But thank you for reading,it means a lot to me to finally be able to share all of this.
    Love you lots.

    And that was my story of my crossdressing life,and in the style of one of my fave films....that was me,Julia Kat,last survivor of the Nostromo,signing off..................................................................................................

    Oh did I mention I had a tiara?x
    Final part of my crossdressing story
    Published by julia135
    2 years ago
    Comments
    12
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    julia135
    julia135 Publisher 1 year ago
    to Plonk123 : Thank you!That means a lot,as Im dyslexic
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    Plonk123
    Plonk123 1 year ago
    I read every word and enjoyed it . You are a beautiful writer. 🥰👍
    Reply
    hollyleicscd
    hollyleicscd 2 years ago
    to julia135 : I'm glad you've kept your exhibitionist side up hon. You look so sexy when you cum. Especially if you are talking to the camera about what you are thinking as you do it. I love your voice too Julia hon. Xx
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    julia135
    julia135 Publisher 2 years ago
    to hollyleicscd : Youve just make me cringe!lol.Id forgot I used to do that infront of all the boys.So not much has changed over the years then!
    And who knows I might have done that in front of the headmaster if he hadnt chucked me out of his office.oh well.
    Reply Show original comment
    hollyleicscd
    hollyleicscd 2 years ago
    to julia135 : I have noticed you have a tendency to remove your dress. That stripteasing fem boi from your showering days at school is still there.😉 You were so naughty too when you got a spanking from your headmaster and then turned around to show him your hard cock. I'm amazed you didn't just play with yourself and cum right in front of him😉 X
    Reply Show original comment
    julia135
    julia135 Publisher 2 years ago
    to hollyleicscd : Hi holly!Hope you are ok and being glam still.x.Thank you for the lovely comment,so glad you enjoyed it.I always think I write like a science report.Glad I mentioned I had a tiara,as I do you know,just incase anyone wasnt sure I had a tiara-I do.hehe.I dont think I need music to strip to,I do have a tendancy to take my dress off for no reason anyway.
    Reply Show original comment
    hollyleicscd
    hollyleicscd 2 years ago
    I loved your whole story Julia hon. It's sexy, pervy, kinky.  Mad, bad, sad and glad and completely honest and brilliantly written. It bought back memories of my own life as a cd too. Above all, don't you dare think you aren't sexy any more. You are as gorgeous as ever....oh....and you can be my stripper girl anytime. I have an extended mix of The Stripper track that I can see you strut and move to in an incredibly sexy fashion.😉 Oh...and you did mention you had a tiara too..😆 Stay gorgeous honey. Xxx
    Reply
    Fetishemale
    Fetishemale 2 years ago
    I do really LOVE the way you write and what you're talking about. It's been the story of my life, too. Sincerely congrats. Hugs.
    Reply
    J
    JFet123 2 years ago
    Got half way through and had to masturbate. Need to save the other half for another sexy day xx
    Reply
    pppsex
    pppsex 2 years ago
    Kisss you baby 
    Reply
    julia135
    julia135 Publisher 2 years ago
    Glad you liked it honey.Not much to know is there,just a girl with a cock lol xxx
    Reply
    snrcurious
    snrcurious 2 years ago
    Fantastic Julia! I feel i know you more now. Definately a Joanna Jet and certainly not a Fred Flintstone! Love ya! Xxx
    Reply