How I became a sissy gay crossdresser -part 2

During my teenage years, I always felt very insecure regarding my feelings towards girls and sex in general. I was skinny was very good looking but felt like an ugly duck. I was skinny, no muscles at all, with long hair and baby face, girls told that I was handsome but I always thought that they just tried to be kind. I couldn't speak to beautiful girls but somehow I found myself surrounded by hot girls, I was kind and gentle so girls liked me. Secretly I envied the athletic and strong guys who date the hottest girls in high school. I was the kind of sensitive guy and best friend with many of these girls but without no romantic relationships. At around age 16, I got some courage and I first kissed a beautiful girl, we started dating and I was in heaven, she was gorgeous and I felt, for the first time of my life, like a man...We touched and kissed with passion and love, we took off our clothes and we layed half naked in bed, I remembered feeling and inhibited about what she would thing about me, my body, my little cock. During the following years, I always got to this point where I felt uncomfortable being naked with a girl, even more when they touched my little cock to get me hard and nothing happened...I could see a disappointing look in their eyes and more once I heard the same comment: "Oh, your cock is so cute, so small...", "What happened honey...? "I am not pretty, you are not attracted to me...". I knew how to used my fingers and tongue but I didn't fuck them, so sooner or later I was dumped in favor of alpha boys who fucked them like they deserved. Since I was so nice to these girls, we always remained good friends, a reliable and decent guy who could tell him all their secrets, type of gay best friend...They came to me how they fell in love with these hot macho guys, how they gave them blowjobs, how they fucked, how they tried anal for the first time and so on...I jerked off like crazy imagining all these hot girls and their boyfriends fucking like rabbits...I realized that I was basically being attracted to these alpha guys and I wanted to be instead the girls and got fucked in all my holes like these little sluts. I started crossdressing at age 12 with my mom's leather pants, leggings, panties and boots...I just jerked off and have fantasies about mom and her lovers but still no gay thoughts. Around age 16, the crossdressing got serious and started having wild fantasies about going out with very tight leather pants, heels and with my long hair to show myself and tease boys and girls. Soon I bought my first pair of black leather pants and high heel cowgirl boots...I looked very sexy but sissy, looking at the mirror, I saw a sexy young feminine guy who was very confused about his sexuality and it was cleared that I didn't want to pretend being a typical male. I liked very much when girls looked at me, dressed in my sexy sissy outfits, I loved to flirt with them and soon I started to shaved my legs and bought some sexy stockings and lace thongs to use when going out on dates with girls...I had a kind of sissy goth look, painted my nails black, got some big earrings and used some black rimmel. I had a couple of situations with gay men, the first one I was bartending at a local bar, wearing my tight leather pants and some boots with 3 inches heel when a very masculine guy approached me and told that I was super hot and would love to talk to me after the shift, he waited for me outside, we smoked a cigarette and he gently touched my hair and face and told me I was super sexy and beautiful and that he liked my ass very much. When I heard him told me those exciting words, I got a tremendous erection, the biggest I ever had. He started kissing me very passionately and grabbing my ass wrapped in tight leather pants. I experienced a grade of sexual excitement, never known nor felt with a girl. When I turned around and pushed his erect penis towards my hot ass with small movements, I thought I was going to faint, it was the most intense sensation I underwent until then in my life.