Timing Is Everything
Q: I’m in my mid 20s and I’ve had a lot of opportunities to have sex with a variety of people. But pretty much every time, I finish before the woman I’m with does. And it’s not just that. I finish extremely fast, within two minutes. I just can’t stop it. Is there anything I can do to hold it off for longer?
A: First of all, it’s not uncommon for guys to orgasm before women do, if the women do at all, during intercourse. Over 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. Good lovers spend time on foreplay, stimulating the clitoris and the rest of the vulva with mouth or hands. Women are much more likely to orgasm before intercourse. Another factoid is that most men ejaculate between 2 and 5 minutes of thrusting. The important thing here is that you feel in control, and ejaculate when you want to. Here are a few techniques you can practice during masturbation:
- During sexual activity, when you feel you’re about to ejaculate, stop all movement and allow the sensation to subside. Once the urge decreases, resume. Repeating this process can help you learn better control over time. This is known as the “stop-start” technique.
- Similar to the stop-start technique, but instead of stopping, gently squeeze the tip of the penis (near the head) when you feel you’re close to ejaculation. This can reduce the sensation of urgency and delay ejaculation.
- Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can improve control over ejaculation. To do Kegel exercises, try stopping the flow of urine midstream. Once you get the hang of this, practice contracting and holding those muscles for a few seconds at a time.
- When with a partner, focus on your breathing, take slow, deep breaths, and stay present in the moment. This can help reduce anxiety and increase relaxation, making it easier to control arousal and delay ejaculation.
- Using condoms can reduce sensitivity, which may help you last longer. There are also desensitizing condoms that contain a mild numbing agent to help delay ejaculation. You can also try numbing sprays or creams.
- Experiment with different sexual positions. This can help you maintain better control. Slower, more deliberate movements may give you time to manage your arousal.
- You may want to speak to a medical doctor as well as there is promising research on the use of anti-depressants in mild doses that can help delay ejaculation.
Having an open conversation with your partner can also help reduce pressure and allow for a more relaxed, enjoyable experience. Exploring together can lead to finding what works best for you both. If you are still concerned, then consider speaking with a professional in the field of sexuality.
11:45PM Vs 9PM
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. This question has to do with my erections. When I get hard, my penis sticks straight up and touches my lower belly. I can’t really get it to go any lower, let alone around that 45 or 90 degree angle that would work for most sexual positions. I can have sex with either me or the woman on top but because of the angles it’s more…wriggling than pounding. Is this a problem that other people have? How can I address it?
A: This is not unusual at all. Penises come in all angles, and most of the time it has no effect on sexual performance. Not much to worry about if you do not experience pain. However, you will have to experiment with the positions that work best for you and your partner. You can try using pillows or wedges that help you position your bodies. Unfortunately, there really is no way to change the angle of your penis.