Surely you know it won’t cause insanity or grow hair on your palms. But judging by the questions I’ve received on my site, GreatSexAfter40.com, many folks are poorly informed about masturbation.
Myth # 1: 98% of people say they masturbate. The other 2% are lying.
Truth: Masturbation is common but not as universal as the myth suggests. According to a recent survey of a representative sample of 5,865 Americans by researchers at Indiana University, depending on age, 43 to 67 percent of men have self-sexed in the past month, among women, 21 to 43 percent. But masturbation remains stigmatized, so actual rates are almost certainly higher. Masturbation is not universal. If you do it, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine, too.
Myth #2: Masturbation can damage the genitals.
Truth: Solo sex is extremely unlikely to damage the genitals. Your biggest risk is a little chafing of tender genital skin during extended sessions. Use lubricant. Try saliva, vegetable oil, or a commercial lube.
Myth #3. Masturbation causes mental health problems.
Truth: It causes two, guilt and shame, usually consequences of a youth spent hearing that it’s perverted and sure to send you to Hell. If your religion vilifies masturbation, that’s between you and God. But every sexuality expert agrees: Masturbation is normal, healthy, and doesn’t cause physical or mental health problems.
That said, it’s possible that obsessive masturbation—several times a day—might interfere with school, work, or other obligations. Any innocent diversion—TV, golf, ice-cream—may cause problems if it becomes obsessive. If you’re concerned, consult a sex therapist. Visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, or the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, or the American Board of Sexology.
Myth #4: Masturbation can sexually use you up.
Truth: At birth, you’re not given some predetermined number of orgasms, and once you run through them, that’s it. There’s no limit on the number of orgasms people can physically experience. There may be a limit on the number you want, or can enjoy comfortably, but there’s no limit on the number of orgasms you can have, so masturbation can’t use them up. Nor does masturbation use up men’s sperm or semen. Testicles are always making sperm and the prostate is always making seminal fluid.
Myth #5: Vibrators ruin women for sex without them.
Does driving ruin you for walking? No, it just gets you there faster. The same is true for solo sex with and without vibrators. The vulva, clitoris, nipples, and other parts of the body respond to erotic stimulation no matter where it comes from: fingers, tongues, penises, or vibrators. Vibrators produce the most intense sensations, so most women reach orgasm faster. But using vibrators—even frequently—does not change women’s ability to respond to other types of sexual stimulation.
Vibrators actually help women respond to other forms of erotic stimulation. They allow women to experience the full range of their sexual responsiveness, and become more comfortable with their erotic selves. Greater self-knowledge learned with a vibrator usually helps women respond to other types of sexual stimulation.
Myth #6. Women can become addicted to vibrators.
No. Over time, some women become particularly fond of vibrator stimulation and enjoy it during both solo and partner sex. It’s a personal preference, not an “addiction.”
Myth #7: If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s wrong to masturbate.
When people have sexual relationships, some think it’s wrong to continue masturbating, that it should no longer be necessary. That’s like saying there’s no reason to go to the movies once you have Netflix. While both masturbation and partner sex are sexual, the two experiences are different—just as big and small screens produce different experiences.
As wonderful as partner sex can be, it also involves responsibilities. You have to provide pleasure, communicate what turns you on, and make sexual compromises to keep your lover happy. But masturbation involves only you and your pleasure—and that can feel wonderful, even if you’re in a fabulous relationship.
Masturbation also teaches people what turns them on. Why give up chocolate cake once you’ve discovered apple pie? Partner sex doesn’t replace masturbation. The two are complementary.
Sex therapists say you can’t have great sex with anyone else until you learn to experience it solo. In sex therapy for several common problems, masturbation is a fundamental part of treatment—premature ejaculation in men and orgasm difficulties in women.
Masturbation might reduce interest in partner sex. Lovers in committed relationships need to work out sexual frequencies they can both live with comfortably—and work their masturbation around it. It’s reasonable to curtail masturbation in the interest of maintaining agreed-upon sexual frequency. You might schedule partner sex in advance, and not masturbate for a day or so beforehand. But it’s unreasonable for one spouse to demand that the other stop masturbating entirely. If you’d rather play solo than make love with your honey, consider sex therapy.
Reference:
Herbenick, D. et al. “Sexual Behavior in the nited States: Results from a National Probability Sample of Men and Women Ages 145-94,” Journal of Sexual Medicine (2010) 7(Suppl 5):255.