On March 23, 2013, I woke up with body aches, chills, and a fever.
And when I wrote that sentence, it was March 23, 2025.
Here I am a week later, and I’m in such a different place than I was when I sat down to write about my “herpeversary” (herpes + anniversary). Now that we’re clear on that, I want to tell you what a herpeversary is, how I celebrated mine, and why you might consider acknowledging yours too.
How All This Started
Closing out the beautiful moment of me reliving my initial symptoms the day I went in for treatment—I was sick as a dog. At urgent care, the doctor looked at me and said, “Yup, that looks like herpes.” I was treated for chlamydia and gonorrhea in case I was exposed to those too, got a prescription for Valtrex, and received a lil’ pamphlet telling me how many people have herpes and some other statistics.
Between getting to the doctor and coming home that day to figure out who the hell gave me this (which I still never did), I sat in a weird feeling of embarrassment. I didn’t want to be known as “the dude giving people herpes.” I was SO relieved to learn that none of my recent sexual partners had it. But after that relief came the lingering fact that I do have this incurable STD.
Those feelings stuck around. I think any pursuit of a relationship after my diagnosis was guided by how I saw myself—now as someone living with herpes. That’s an element of stigma people don’t often talk about, but I have… and I do… just not here today!
So What Is a Herpeversary?
A herpeversary is the anniversary of the day you got herpes.
Some people recognize the day they get their test results back. But me? Nah. I celebrate the first signs of it—because that’s when I KNEW.
It was actually my therapist who invited me to look at my diagnosis differently. For years, I never gave this day attention because I was so focused on supporting others through the podcast and SPFPP resources. I never really tended to my own wounds around herpes. Supporting others has helped me indirectly, but when I made the effort to intentionally reflect on this day, I started to shift the story that herpes took something from me…into a narrative about what it’s given me.
How I Celebrated This Year
This was the first year I actually celebrated my herpeversary. I put it in my calendar. I got myself a burger and a shake. I journaled. I even tried to write this post but ended up just being present with the day—so much so that I lost track of time.
My situation is unique. This is my career now. Most people with herpes won’t have the years of positive experiences I’ve had, but I still invite you to look at what herpes has taken from you—and what it’s given. If that’s hard, maybe reflect on the experiences that came as a result: connections that deepened when you opened up, or something else unexpected.
Reflecting On 12 Years With Herpes: 12 Reflections
I’m grateful for the experiences herpes brought into my life—the people, the career, the passion—all parts that helped evolve my identity. When we’re diagnosed, we often lose a sense of self. I was very attached to my sexuality, and herpes made me challenge that.
I recognize the privilege in the way this showed up in my life. This sexual trauma didn’t come from a single “bad event.” I just woke up one day with symptoms. No recent partners to “blame.” Just me.
I don’t have a tidy “12 Things I’ve Learned” list, because everything seems to come back to acceptance. But I do want to share 12 reflections I wrote down for myself this year:
- Most people don’t care about herpes because…most people don’t care about herpes.
- Aside from my identity as someone living with herpes, what else is there to me?
- What is stigma, and how does it really apply to me?
- Telling someone close to me that I have herpes was the best thing I could’ve done.
- The best support has been offering support to someone else through this.
- Who was I right before I had any indication that I may have herpes?
- How do I now view myself with my diagnosis, and how does that impact people around me who don’t know my status?
- How do I expect people to treat me if they did know my status?
- If I didn’t have herpes, how would I live my life?
- What do I believe about other people with herpes?
- What do I believe about others who don’t have herpes?
- Why do I think this happened to me?
A Moment to Pause and Look Back
These are reflections from someone who’s had 12 years to sit with this. When you reach your 3rd, 6th, 9th, or 20th year, you’ll have your own reflections, too. I remember the low emotions at the beginning. Looking back now, I see how far I’ve come—and how much more is possible.
What If You Think a Herpeversary Is Whack?
That’s real. But if you think it’s whack, maybe take a minute to ask yourself why. What part of this doesn’t sit right with you? What do you disagree with? I’d love to hear from you—feel free to reach out at SPFPP.
And if you decide to try your own version of a herpeversary, let me know how it goes.