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Questions: 1. Someone calls you at 2 am in the night and ask you "are you sleeping?" Ans: no, I’m picking beans. 2. You're making out with a girl then you start pulling her pants then she asks; what are you trying to do? Ans: I want to wash them for you 3. They see you coming out of the bathroom, wet; ''did you just have a bath?'' Ans: no, I fell into the toilet bowl 4. You standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor going to your office, yet they ask; ''going up?'' Ans: no, I’m waiting for my office to come down and get me! 5. Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers… Read more

It's possible for any man to ask for sex in a relationship, but is left for you as a lady to know that sex, can't keep him..(Sex isn't enough) There are two major factors ladies complain about sex in a relationship: 1. After giving him my body he left me.. 2. He left because I refused to have sex with him.. NOTE: Both those who gave and those who refused to give are complaining... ( Whats the difference) Ladies Listen, Sex isn't enough, its not the only thing you can offer a man. If You Don't Have Anything To Offer A Man Outside Sex, Please remain Single... A man can't stay with you becaus… Read more

Morning Mom, i wanted to call you in the morning to say good morning but your old number is no longer on service. I tried the operator but she said sorry she had no number for you, i went to your room to check you but you were not there as you are no longer sleeping there, i searched for your new address but there were no where to find it the post office has no forwarding address....................... I guess heaven is just too far away, but anyway mom i just wanted to tell you that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my heart is broken it's been 10 years ago you've been past away but on my heart i fee… Read more

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died! Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.. Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..… Read more

Not all girls are wife material - my brother dont try to change water into wine haha sorry, if i look like i give a fuck,,,, i swear i dont ha Just because i am not ur GF - doesn't mean you are not my bf ha… Read more

Be an interesting woman: Study, work, know conversation, know the value of your money. Beauty only matters in the first 15 minutes, after that it will need content. Be Essence, not appearance.… Read more

A man's penis remains the same, whether he has sex with different vaginas of different sizes. He doesn't even need to do kegels to keep his penis in its original state. . It is strange that you find some women trying to compete with their men using their private parts. A penis does not lose shape, tighness or looks, but when you abuse your vagina, it eventually does. . You'll start noticing that thing that looks like a liver sticking out and no longer retracting. Then you will start to fill up with air when you have sex. Then you will no longer feel certain dicks and only feel huge ones. Then… Read more

My wife, everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the wedding/marriage, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer the same. There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you inside the toilet and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can… Read more

How can your wife be as romantic as your side chick when you have impregnated her 5 times, sent her to labour 5 times, antenatal, postnatal and breastfeeding for many years, c***dcare and upbringing till each baby turns 20, school runs every morning and evening, kitchen to cook for you and your 5 k**s, in the hospital for many days just to look after your k**s when they fall ill, house chores and groceries are still to be taken care of by her. You the husband has caused her many cuts down her "V", cuts as a result of CS, what about sagged breast and stomach stretch marks you caused her, pimp… Read more

#hate has 4 letters so does #love enemies has 7 friends has 7 lying has 7 negative has 8 positive has 8 cry has 3 joy has 3 anger has 4 happy has 5 right has 5 hurt has 4 heal has 4 it means life is like a double edged sword....... one must transform every negative side into an aura of #positivity.. we should all choose a better slice/chop of life... #amen… Read more

Girls on their period go to sleep on a white bed-sheet and wake up on a Japanese flag ha ha Lack of sex can turn you into a Facebook comedian haha... People with big eyes think they can see the future... If you don't have a baby by 19 - you are infertile #lol She opened her legs, not cause she stupid.. she thought you cared.. Men loose 60% of their thinking ability when they see a nipple haha....... I lost my school bag on the 31st Dec... now me mom is forcing me to go to school with a cooler bag haha... (yup)!! C - come L- late A - and S - start S - sleeping haha Being attractive is hard,… Read more

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. Aft… Read more

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having a moment. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her bby girl about sex so she makes up the answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets so big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, MAMMY you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that PRINCESS?” The little girl rep… Read more

What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat? A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you. Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet. A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!" Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The… Read more

Part 1 It was his suggestion that they all met up for a get together. a weekend away in a country house would be nice, he said. and they'd all agreed. so here she was. she was nervous and excited in equal measure. you see, she'd come to see one person in particular. she'd never met him before, not in person anyhow. she'd chatted to him over the internet and seen his photo, but now she was about to see the 3D version. there were a handful of people in the lobby when she walked in, pulling her little weekend bag behind her. but she didnt take in any of the other faces, she had se… Read more

One very hot dry day, a local cowboy visited the reservation. He went there from time to time to mingle with the Indians. There was this one Indian that the cowboy has become friends with. This Indian from pretty much a loner from all the other tribe. He was all alone, his parents got killed in battle, an he had no squaw that he claimed as his own. This cowboy felt sorry for the lonely Indian. He told him that he could help him overcome being so lonely. But, he would have to go into the nearby town. Told him to go into the town saloon and walk up to the bar. There would be a lady standing b… Read more

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made ​​her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He Put her on every ride in The Park; The Death Slide, The Wall of Fear, The Screaming. Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme pa… Read more

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!". Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut.". Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?". Sally replied, "No ... Salty.". Mom fainted.… Read more

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing.". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled… Read more

This is one of the cleverest communictions I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM. PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER. ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER. DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT. THE EYES:! When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE. GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE. THE MORSE CODE: Whe… Read more