My Journey to FLR-DD
I know there are many aspects and areas of interest within the spanking scene. I've been around it for most of my adult life. It started for me as what can only be described as an obsession as a young c***d. I didn't understand it back then, hell, I didn't understand the obsession for most of my life! It has only been in the last several years that I have come to terms with my attraction to it and the reasons for that attraction. For so many years it was a source of shame within my mind. I hid it, determined that it would never see the light of day. I was certain I was some sort of freak, morally broken, alone in a twisted world of delinquency....a deviant, a demon, an outcast!
I would dive into my personal world of spanking fantasy with a hunger that could not be quenched only to experience a long period of depression brought on by the shame of my morally bankrupt desires. I would fight of the urges with every measure of strength I could muster and I could go for very long periods of time with no thoughts or feelings for another round of debauchery. But eventually it would storm back onto the landscape of my mind like a stampede that I had no power to resist and I would be drawn back into a frenzied search for material to satisfy my overwhelming appetite.
I never wanted to examine the source of my fascination with it to closely. Those rare instances when I did set my head to spinning, so many thoughts all at once rushing to the forefront of my mind from so many directions, it was all too confusing. It was far less painful to just swim in the mental images and scenarios until the guilt and self-contempt swept over me once again. Each time the urges came over me they were stronger than the last time. In the beginning my fantasies involved female submissives d****d across my knee, skirt up and panties down as I spanked their bare bottoms red! It was always this way until I came across a magazine in the backroom of a service station in my early teens.
The magazine presented numerous pictures of a grown man across the lap of a strong looking lady, his pants and underpants around his ankles. A look of desperation and angst on his face, his ass cheeks clinched with traces of red coloring blotting the summits. My heart pounded, my temples pulsed, my cock stirred and swelled. As I thumbed through the pages my erection throbbed harder and harder until it hurt. I had never experienced that level of excitement before. All I had to do was touch it through my pants, running my hand up and down the length for it to explode in an orgasm that left my vision blurred, my hearing compromised and my underpants terribly soiled.
The vision of that woman with the stern expression on her face, the tender yet muscular tone of her long legs jutting from her black skirt. The white blouse that snuggly caressed her firm biceps and round breasts. Her raised arm clasping that heavy looking solid wooden hairbrush became an image I could not seem to erase from my mind. Just the thought of it would bring a throbbing erection for many years to come. That image fed an energy that I found increasingly harder to curb. I had to experience it realtime!
The revelation that my dark and evil thoughts, that were brought vaguely to life on the pages of that magazine, might be shared by others was a liberating experience although I would approach it suspiciously for quite some time. Although my yearning to experience it for real was never stronger, I still feared exposing my lust for it to someone who might reject it and worse yet, find it sick and repulsive! Could anyone castigate me for it to the degree that I chastised myself over it? Frustrated over the failure of my ability to figure out how to safely experience this burning ambition (brought on by a few pictures I'd seen in a magazine) I would eventually bury it deep within me and surrender to the real possibility that I was dreaming an impossible dream.
No longer did I imagine a pretty girl over my knee with her panties down when got horny.....thoughts of sex were always overtaken by fantasies of spanking for me......now the images in my mind always involved me over a ladies knee, my bottom bare as she spanked me hard with any number of implements or just her bare hand. An unbelievable twist of fate erased the wall separating fantasy from reality in a way I could never have planned or dreamed. I was in a bar one night in my 21st year of life when across the room sitting at a table was a auburn haired beauty I could not seem to take my eyes off of.
Our eyes met on several occasions but she'd quickly look away. She was older than I was I could tell. Perhaps 10 years? I wasn't sure but, she was gorgeous. She had a dark look to her, her eyes were serious and almost stern. Her figure was hourglass and her legs exited her skirt with a soft muscular tone. Her firm biceps were evident through the white material of the blouse that hugged them. I turned away as I sat at the bar sweating slightly on my brow, I glanced up in the mirror and saw her looking my way. I turned around and she averted her eyes. I had to move. I approached her table and greeted her and her friend. They were polite but their body language seemed to suggest that my intrusion was unwelcome.
I walked back to my seat but could not stop looking at her. After a few more drinks I threw caution to the wind and went back to their table. I spoke directly to her, I told that I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I asked if I could sit down which....to my utter surprise.....she granted. Now, I am a pretty funny guy and when nervous I turn to humor to mask my uneasiness. Soon I had them in stitches although my dinner invitation was refused and the night came to an end. I didn't think I'd ever see her again but, as fate would have it, she visited that bar a few more times. Now, I was a regular there and I had never seen her before so perhaps she was returning for a reason? I was betting on it! I'm not sure if I charmed her or if in effort to shut me up about it, she accepted an invitation to dinner.
To make a long story short, we dated for a couple months, she was a widow and lived in a big 'ol house by herself. I ended up moving in with her and a few months later I found myself face down across her knee, underpants down as she spanked me very soundly with a wooden hairbrush! I was wailing and squirming and pleading and squealing long before she stopped. The crazy part of this story is that I never once divulged my secret desires to her! It was never discussed between us and she knew nothing of my obsession with spanking.
She was very meticulous about her house....it was museum quality spotless.....everything in it's place, white glove clean! I was a young man, I worked construction and played several sports....hockey and baseball mostly but I was known to engage in pickup basketball and football game despite my small stature. I was working at a site one day and it began to rain heavily. The place turned into a mud pit rather quickly which was a stroke of luck for me I thought. I had been out with my friends till very late the night before drinking and partying.....a source of disappointment to her incidentally. She was not very happy with me when I left for work that morning.
When I got home all I could think about was climbing into bed and sleeping till the following morning. I was basically a zombie when I came in the back door. She required shoes to be removed in the mudroom before coming into the kitchen. I never gave it a thought as I trudged through her house tracking mud everywhere. She was still at work so it was rare that I was home before her. The trail of mud went right through her kitchen, dining room, living room, up her stairs, down her hallway and into her bathroom. My muddy cloths and boots were in a pile on the bathroom floor as I showered. After my shower I went into the bedroom and slipped on a pair of white cotton briefs....Fruit of the Loom I believe? I was just finishing up combing my hair and was thinking of nothing but that comfortable bed when I heard her screams and growls.
I was way to tired to care what was happening downstairs but the thought crossed my mind that she might be upset with the fact that I didn't take my dirty boots off before coming in the house? Then I heard her heels clicking on the wooden steps as she approached the bedroom. They seemed a bit louder and heavier than normal. The door to the bedroom was slightly cracked open as she flung it wide and stormed in. She was very angry....I had never sen her like that. Without a word she had me by the arm, she had swooped up her hairbrush and was dragging me to the bench at the bottom of the bed. I was in shock and didn't know what was happening....it all happened so fast.
As she sat down on the bench she pulled me forward and I all but fell over her lap. My underpants were yanked down just below my cheeks and the hairbrush began to smack my exposed wobbling cheeks hard and fast! I began to squirm immediately in a futile attempt to get off her knee but she was surprisingly strong. With her left arm clamped around my waist I was held firmly in place as she soundly spanked my bare upturned bottom till it was on fire. I was squealing and begging her to stop but she continued. Tears were welling in my eyes and finally I surrendered to my fate going limp over her firm lap. She continued to spank my bare bottom in a steady rhythm of solid whacks that filled the room.
She finally stopped and still holding me firm she began to scold me like a c***d. I was completely humiliated and still quite shocked at what just happened. I was told that when she was through spanking me I was going to clean up every speck of dirt and mud and that it had better meet her expectations if I knew what was good for me! At that point I began to feel an erection growing to my horror. The spanking resumed as did my screams, cries and pledges to do better in the future......all to no avail. This lady was intent on blistering my bare bottom and was not going to stop until she was satisfied with her efforts! That point finally came once my cheeks were a very deep shade of blotchy red with white circles dotting the swollen surface that stung so bad.
I was told in a surprisingly strict voice to get up and get my "spanked" bottom downstairs and to "get cleaning immediately"! My head was spinning and my bare ass was stinging as I stumbled to my feet and scurried out of the bedroom not even thinking to pull my underpants up. The reality of a sound punishment spanking was nothing like the fantasy! There was genuine fear in my heart as I hurried down the steps to begin cleaning up my mess. It was almost natural that I obey her fueled by the trepidation of going back over her knee. As I cleaned up the mud and dirt my mind was whirling with the thoughts of what had just happened. I was on my knees in the kitchen with a arm bucket of soapy water, a scrub brush and a rag working my way along the trail of my tears or at the very least, the cause of them!
Later we had the only discussion we would ever have about the spanking I received. She informed me that she was tired of my c***dish behavior. My thoughtlessness and disregard for her wishes and feelings. She said she was not going to stand for it any longer....she couldn't! In fact, she said, she wasn't sure this relationship was going to work. That was a sobering wake up call for me. I thought I loved her and I probably did but I was very immature and I had no idea how to behave in a relationship like this. I had never lived with a woman before and I was clueless. I begged her to reconsider, I told her how much she meant to me and that I was sorry for tracking mud into her house. I was missing the big picture which she explained to me....it was more than the mud. I was young with my whole life ahead of me and she didn't think I was ready for the demands and sacrifices of a serious relationship. I begged her to give me a chance.
The only way she would agree was if I lived by her rules and made some serious changes in my lifestyle. I didn't realize exactly what that meant but with a slow steady heat radiating from my bottom cheeks I felt very close and connected ton her. I had a new admiration and respect for her and I think it showed. For the next two years or so I lived in a female led household before I knew what that was. She made the rules and I followed them. When I failed, I was taken across her knee, my underpants were lowered and I was spanked soundly with her wooden hairbrush on my bare bottom. The punishments were almost always the same, I was sent to the bedroom where I was to strip to my underpants and wait for her. When she arrived she would retrieve her hairbrush from the dresser, I would be directed to stand in front of her where my underpants would be lowered and I would be taken across her knee and spanked long and hard with that nasty hairbrush.
There was no sex involved in the punishments and there was no spanking involved in our lovemaking....they were kept separate. She was determined when she spanked, she scolded almost maternally, she lectured and questioned. I was introduced to corner-time and other forms of discipline such as loss of privileges and early bedtimes. There was no doubt that she was the authority in our house and that authority was reinforced by the use of her hairbrush on my bare bottom. Occasionally I was spanked with a sandal or a belt but mostly it was over her knee with the hairbrush. Circumstances beyond our control ended the relationship but I have no doubts that a seed was planted in me as the result of our time together.
Despite the length of that relationship and the steady discipline employed, I still had no clue what drove that need in me but, I did view it as a need afterwards rather than an obsession or a kink or a fetish although it may still be any one of those things I just wasn't sure what drove the need in me and I wasn't any closer to figuring it out. I went many years before I realized that I had to have it in my life.
A few years ago I decided that I had to try and figure it out, I had to come to terms (so to speak) with what drove this need in me. I discovered the world of blogging and fueled by the idea that if I could just get all these jumbled thoughts on paper in front of me I might be able to unscramble them and see a clearer picture. I didn't want to run the risk of a journal that someone could find so a blog seemed to fit the bill perfectly. I had no idea that other people would come across it and read it....at least not to the degree that they did. The first few years of blogging very few people did find it. There were a couple of exceptions and a few people began to comment on my posts. I was empowered by the anonymity of the whole thing so I pressed on. As suspected, I began to piece some things together and a clearer picture began to emerge.
I had a few relationships that involved female authority to a certain degree but nothing like that first one. The others were more light-hearted affair, I guess foreplay would be a good description. The women would indulge my desires. After that first relationship I became more open about them with other women I dated but they were still not very natural. I realize that for a lot of people spanking is a sexual game, a form of foreplay, a toll to spice things up but for me, I prefer it to be an aspect of a 24/7 relationship where she is really in charge. She makes the rules and enforces them in anyway she sees fit to enforce them. I prefer a more domestic arrangement as opposed to a BDSM agreement. I don't find anything wrong with those things and I support those that engage in them but my engine is wired a certain way.
I am not looking for a mother figure at all, I want a wife and partner in every sense of the word except I want my lady to be the head of the household who holds me accountable for my actions and administers the consequences of failing to live up to those standards. I don't particularly enjoy having my bare bottom spanked....a true discipline spanking hurts.....a lot! Being placed juvenilely over her knee is humiliating as is having my bottom bared knowing I am going to get spanked. I don't believe in safe words and I don't feel that I should have any input into the nature or length of my punishment. I have found through experience that this type of relationship is more likely to succeed if we are both in agreement with it. We both have to be committed to it for it to work yes but, I find there are less disagreements between us, less resentment. Arguments are greatly reduced. Lines of communication are open, a level of respect and admiration are reached and maintained.
The blog became very popular (before google deleted it) seeing tens of thousands of hits per day and many men and women participated via comment and email that helped me tremendously. I no longer view my need as a sick, twisted moral issue but rather as a healthy alternative that strengthens relationships and improves me as a person and a partner. The idea of female authority is what drives me sexually and the fact that I know I am pleasing her in my submission. I like that I know without question when I am not pleasing her and that I am held accountable and once the punishment has been administered the slate is wiped clean and I know what is expected of me.....no guess work involved! I don't seek the services of professionals as for me it must be a personal connection, the lady has to have a vested interest in my behavior and my actions. A lot of guys ask if the ladies in the vids would be interested in spanking them but the truth is, they don't spank me cause they have a craving to spank men. They spank on a more personal level and I wouldn't have it any other way.
So, in a nutshell, that is what drives this thing for me. I'm not a person that craves pain....I dislike that part of it. I am not a person that gets off on degradation....I prefer humility as in the act of humbling ones ego. I don't like being bound as I feel that I should obey her wishes and remain in position for the punishment she feels I deserve. Leather and whips and chains are not my bag although, as I've already said, I understand and hold no ill feelings toward those that engage in that sort of thing, it just has no place in a domestic setting. I do feel that humility is a key part of domestic discipline and I respect a woman that uses her imagination in that area even if I don't the things I'm required to do as far as that is concerned. For instance, I do not like dressing in women's clothing but, as punishment I have been made to do it. Afterwards I have seen the reasons for her decision and the effectiveness of it. I do not like enemas but I have had them administered as part of a punishment. I have been figged and plugged and I have no sexual attraction to those things....they are uncomfortable and they are humiliating to me but again, they are effective forms of punishment.
I know that this is the proper and only way of life for me and I won't attempt to live in a relationship again that does not incorporate a system of FLR-DD. So that's my rant! :D
I would dive into my personal world of spanking fantasy with a hunger that could not be quenched only to experience a long period of depression brought on by the shame of my morally bankrupt desires. I would fight of the urges with every measure of strength I could muster and I could go for very long periods of time with no thoughts or feelings for another round of debauchery. But eventually it would storm back onto the landscape of my mind like a stampede that I had no power to resist and I would be drawn back into a frenzied search for material to satisfy my overwhelming appetite.
I never wanted to examine the source of my fascination with it to closely. Those rare instances when I did set my head to spinning, so many thoughts all at once rushing to the forefront of my mind from so many directions, it was all too confusing. It was far less painful to just swim in the mental images and scenarios until the guilt and self-contempt swept over me once again. Each time the urges came over me they were stronger than the last time. In the beginning my fantasies involved female submissives d****d across my knee, skirt up and panties down as I spanked their bare bottoms red! It was always this way until I came across a magazine in the backroom of a service station in my early teens.
The magazine presented numerous pictures of a grown man across the lap of a strong looking lady, his pants and underpants around his ankles. A look of desperation and angst on his face, his ass cheeks clinched with traces of red coloring blotting the summits. My heart pounded, my temples pulsed, my cock stirred and swelled. As I thumbed through the pages my erection throbbed harder and harder until it hurt. I had never experienced that level of excitement before. All I had to do was touch it through my pants, running my hand up and down the length for it to explode in an orgasm that left my vision blurred, my hearing compromised and my underpants terribly soiled.
The vision of that woman with the stern expression on her face, the tender yet muscular tone of her long legs jutting from her black skirt. The white blouse that snuggly caressed her firm biceps and round breasts. Her raised arm clasping that heavy looking solid wooden hairbrush became an image I could not seem to erase from my mind. Just the thought of it would bring a throbbing erection for many years to come. That image fed an energy that I found increasingly harder to curb. I had to experience it realtime!
The revelation that my dark and evil thoughts, that were brought vaguely to life on the pages of that magazine, might be shared by others was a liberating experience although I would approach it suspiciously for quite some time. Although my yearning to experience it for real was never stronger, I still feared exposing my lust for it to someone who might reject it and worse yet, find it sick and repulsive! Could anyone castigate me for it to the degree that I chastised myself over it? Frustrated over the failure of my ability to figure out how to safely experience this burning ambition (brought on by a few pictures I'd seen in a magazine) I would eventually bury it deep within me and surrender to the real possibility that I was dreaming an impossible dream.
No longer did I imagine a pretty girl over my knee with her panties down when got horny.....thoughts of sex were always overtaken by fantasies of spanking for me......now the images in my mind always involved me over a ladies knee, my bottom bare as she spanked me hard with any number of implements or just her bare hand. An unbelievable twist of fate erased the wall separating fantasy from reality in a way I could never have planned or dreamed. I was in a bar one night in my 21st year of life when across the room sitting at a table was a auburn haired beauty I could not seem to take my eyes off of.
Our eyes met on several occasions but she'd quickly look away. She was older than I was I could tell. Perhaps 10 years? I wasn't sure but, she was gorgeous. She had a dark look to her, her eyes were serious and almost stern. Her figure was hourglass and her legs exited her skirt with a soft muscular tone. Her firm biceps were evident through the white material of the blouse that hugged them. I turned away as I sat at the bar sweating slightly on my brow, I glanced up in the mirror and saw her looking my way. I turned around and she averted her eyes. I had to move. I approached her table and greeted her and her friend. They were polite but their body language seemed to suggest that my intrusion was unwelcome.
I walked back to my seat but could not stop looking at her. After a few more drinks I threw caution to the wind and went back to their table. I spoke directly to her, I told that I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I asked if I could sit down which....to my utter surprise.....she granted. Now, I am a pretty funny guy and when nervous I turn to humor to mask my uneasiness. Soon I had them in stitches although my dinner invitation was refused and the night came to an end. I didn't think I'd ever see her again but, as fate would have it, she visited that bar a few more times. Now, I was a regular there and I had never seen her before so perhaps she was returning for a reason? I was betting on it! I'm not sure if I charmed her or if in effort to shut me up about it, she accepted an invitation to dinner.
To make a long story short, we dated for a couple months, she was a widow and lived in a big 'ol house by herself. I ended up moving in with her and a few months later I found myself face down across her knee, underpants down as she spanked me very soundly with a wooden hairbrush! I was wailing and squirming and pleading and squealing long before she stopped. The crazy part of this story is that I never once divulged my secret desires to her! It was never discussed between us and she knew nothing of my obsession with spanking.
She was very meticulous about her house....it was museum quality spotless.....everything in it's place, white glove clean! I was a young man, I worked construction and played several sports....hockey and baseball mostly but I was known to engage in pickup basketball and football game despite my small stature. I was working at a site one day and it began to rain heavily. The place turned into a mud pit rather quickly which was a stroke of luck for me I thought. I had been out with my friends till very late the night before drinking and partying.....a source of disappointment to her incidentally. She was not very happy with me when I left for work that morning.
When I got home all I could think about was climbing into bed and sleeping till the following morning. I was basically a zombie when I came in the back door. She required shoes to be removed in the mudroom before coming into the kitchen. I never gave it a thought as I trudged through her house tracking mud everywhere. She was still at work so it was rare that I was home before her. The trail of mud went right through her kitchen, dining room, living room, up her stairs, down her hallway and into her bathroom. My muddy cloths and boots were in a pile on the bathroom floor as I showered. After my shower I went into the bedroom and slipped on a pair of white cotton briefs....Fruit of the Loom I believe? I was just finishing up combing my hair and was thinking of nothing but that comfortable bed when I heard her screams and growls.
I was way to tired to care what was happening downstairs but the thought crossed my mind that she might be upset with the fact that I didn't take my dirty boots off before coming in the house? Then I heard her heels clicking on the wooden steps as she approached the bedroom. They seemed a bit louder and heavier than normal. The door to the bedroom was slightly cracked open as she flung it wide and stormed in. She was very angry....I had never sen her like that. Without a word she had me by the arm, she had swooped up her hairbrush and was dragging me to the bench at the bottom of the bed. I was in shock and didn't know what was happening....it all happened so fast.
As she sat down on the bench she pulled me forward and I all but fell over her lap. My underpants were yanked down just below my cheeks and the hairbrush began to smack my exposed wobbling cheeks hard and fast! I began to squirm immediately in a futile attempt to get off her knee but she was surprisingly strong. With her left arm clamped around my waist I was held firmly in place as she soundly spanked my bare upturned bottom till it was on fire. I was squealing and begging her to stop but she continued. Tears were welling in my eyes and finally I surrendered to my fate going limp over her firm lap. She continued to spank my bare bottom in a steady rhythm of solid whacks that filled the room.
She finally stopped and still holding me firm she began to scold me like a c***d. I was completely humiliated and still quite shocked at what just happened. I was told that when she was through spanking me I was going to clean up every speck of dirt and mud and that it had better meet her expectations if I knew what was good for me! At that point I began to feel an erection growing to my horror. The spanking resumed as did my screams, cries and pledges to do better in the future......all to no avail. This lady was intent on blistering my bare bottom and was not going to stop until she was satisfied with her efforts! That point finally came once my cheeks were a very deep shade of blotchy red with white circles dotting the swollen surface that stung so bad.
I was told in a surprisingly strict voice to get up and get my "spanked" bottom downstairs and to "get cleaning immediately"! My head was spinning and my bare ass was stinging as I stumbled to my feet and scurried out of the bedroom not even thinking to pull my underpants up. The reality of a sound punishment spanking was nothing like the fantasy! There was genuine fear in my heart as I hurried down the steps to begin cleaning up my mess. It was almost natural that I obey her fueled by the trepidation of going back over her knee. As I cleaned up the mud and dirt my mind was whirling with the thoughts of what had just happened. I was on my knees in the kitchen with a arm bucket of soapy water, a scrub brush and a rag working my way along the trail of my tears or at the very least, the cause of them!
Later we had the only discussion we would ever have about the spanking I received. She informed me that she was tired of my c***dish behavior. My thoughtlessness and disregard for her wishes and feelings. She said she was not going to stand for it any longer....she couldn't! In fact, she said, she wasn't sure this relationship was going to work. That was a sobering wake up call for me. I thought I loved her and I probably did but I was very immature and I had no idea how to behave in a relationship like this. I had never lived with a woman before and I was clueless. I begged her to reconsider, I told her how much she meant to me and that I was sorry for tracking mud into her house. I was missing the big picture which she explained to me....it was more than the mud. I was young with my whole life ahead of me and she didn't think I was ready for the demands and sacrifices of a serious relationship. I begged her to give me a chance.
The only way she would agree was if I lived by her rules and made some serious changes in my lifestyle. I didn't realize exactly what that meant but with a slow steady heat radiating from my bottom cheeks I felt very close and connected ton her. I had a new admiration and respect for her and I think it showed. For the next two years or so I lived in a female led household before I knew what that was. She made the rules and I followed them. When I failed, I was taken across her knee, my underpants were lowered and I was spanked soundly with her wooden hairbrush on my bare bottom. The punishments were almost always the same, I was sent to the bedroom where I was to strip to my underpants and wait for her. When she arrived she would retrieve her hairbrush from the dresser, I would be directed to stand in front of her where my underpants would be lowered and I would be taken across her knee and spanked long and hard with that nasty hairbrush.
There was no sex involved in the punishments and there was no spanking involved in our lovemaking....they were kept separate. She was determined when she spanked, she scolded almost maternally, she lectured and questioned. I was introduced to corner-time and other forms of discipline such as loss of privileges and early bedtimes. There was no doubt that she was the authority in our house and that authority was reinforced by the use of her hairbrush on my bare bottom. Occasionally I was spanked with a sandal or a belt but mostly it was over her knee with the hairbrush. Circumstances beyond our control ended the relationship but I have no doubts that a seed was planted in me as the result of our time together.
Despite the length of that relationship and the steady discipline employed, I still had no clue what drove that need in me but, I did view it as a need afterwards rather than an obsession or a kink or a fetish although it may still be any one of those things I just wasn't sure what drove the need in me and I wasn't any closer to figuring it out. I went many years before I realized that I had to have it in my life.
A few years ago I decided that I had to try and figure it out, I had to come to terms (so to speak) with what drove this need in me. I discovered the world of blogging and fueled by the idea that if I could just get all these jumbled thoughts on paper in front of me I might be able to unscramble them and see a clearer picture. I didn't want to run the risk of a journal that someone could find so a blog seemed to fit the bill perfectly. I had no idea that other people would come across it and read it....at least not to the degree that they did. The first few years of blogging very few people did find it. There were a couple of exceptions and a few people began to comment on my posts. I was empowered by the anonymity of the whole thing so I pressed on. As suspected, I began to piece some things together and a clearer picture began to emerge.
I had a few relationships that involved female authority to a certain degree but nothing like that first one. The others were more light-hearted affair, I guess foreplay would be a good description. The women would indulge my desires. After that first relationship I became more open about them with other women I dated but they were still not very natural. I realize that for a lot of people spanking is a sexual game, a form of foreplay, a toll to spice things up but for me, I prefer it to be an aspect of a 24/7 relationship where she is really in charge. She makes the rules and enforces them in anyway she sees fit to enforce them. I prefer a more domestic arrangement as opposed to a BDSM agreement. I don't find anything wrong with those things and I support those that engage in them but my engine is wired a certain way.
I am not looking for a mother figure at all, I want a wife and partner in every sense of the word except I want my lady to be the head of the household who holds me accountable for my actions and administers the consequences of failing to live up to those standards. I don't particularly enjoy having my bare bottom spanked....a true discipline spanking hurts.....a lot! Being placed juvenilely over her knee is humiliating as is having my bottom bared knowing I am going to get spanked. I don't believe in safe words and I don't feel that I should have any input into the nature or length of my punishment. I have found through experience that this type of relationship is more likely to succeed if we are both in agreement with it. We both have to be committed to it for it to work yes but, I find there are less disagreements between us, less resentment. Arguments are greatly reduced. Lines of communication are open, a level of respect and admiration are reached and maintained.
The blog became very popular (before google deleted it) seeing tens of thousands of hits per day and many men and women participated via comment and email that helped me tremendously. I no longer view my need as a sick, twisted moral issue but rather as a healthy alternative that strengthens relationships and improves me as a person and a partner. The idea of female authority is what drives me sexually and the fact that I know I am pleasing her in my submission. I like that I know without question when I am not pleasing her and that I am held accountable and once the punishment has been administered the slate is wiped clean and I know what is expected of me.....no guess work involved! I don't seek the services of professionals as for me it must be a personal connection, the lady has to have a vested interest in my behavior and my actions. A lot of guys ask if the ladies in the vids would be interested in spanking them but the truth is, they don't spank me cause they have a craving to spank men. They spank on a more personal level and I wouldn't have it any other way.
So, in a nutshell, that is what drives this thing for me. I'm not a person that craves pain....I dislike that part of it. I am not a person that gets off on degradation....I prefer humility as in the act of humbling ones ego. I don't like being bound as I feel that I should obey her wishes and remain in position for the punishment she feels I deserve. Leather and whips and chains are not my bag although, as I've already said, I understand and hold no ill feelings toward those that engage in that sort of thing, it just has no place in a domestic setting. I do feel that humility is a key part of domestic discipline and I respect a woman that uses her imagination in that area even if I don't the things I'm required to do as far as that is concerned. For instance, I do not like dressing in women's clothing but, as punishment I have been made to do it. Afterwards I have seen the reasons for her decision and the effectiveness of it. I do not like enemas but I have had them administered as part of a punishment. I have been figged and plugged and I have no sexual attraction to those things....they are uncomfortable and they are humiliating to me but again, they are effective forms of punishment.
I know that this is the proper and only way of life for me and I won't attempt to live in a relationship again that does not incorporate a system of FLR-DD. So that's my rant! :D
9 years ago
