Jokes 3

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."



A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''



A wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hi Mike, How are You?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?

... Mike says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Mike?" Mike says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Swim Team."

Next a stripper Says, "Hi Mike! Do You Crave the Special Again??"

The Wife storms out dragging Mike with her & jumps into a taxi...

The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Mikey Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time."



Four Catholic ladies were having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'.

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God!' -




A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

She saw God and she asked, "Is my time up ?"

God said, "No, you have another 34 years 2 live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided 2 stay in the hospital & have a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color.

Finally she was released from the hospital. While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of the God, she asked, "You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn't you save me from that truck ?"

God replied, "I couldn't recognize you !"




man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.

"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."

"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us ? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the Swing !" the drunk replies.