The Good Men of XHamster

In recognition of the Good Men of Xhamster:

You know, there are just a lot of really good men here. I see your comments, your profiles, blogs and so many of you do such a great work with it all in many different ways.

We've all seen the horrible, gross and disgusting things other "men" (using that word loosely) post. While I can't blame them in a way, for I do think the site tends to drive a lot of men a little nuts, there's just no excuse for it. You good guys know that too and I'm sure feel the same way.

Sadly, I think we'll never be able to change the worst of it, but we can and do push-back against it.

The whole "porn culture" is still rather infected with the misogynistic, sexist, homophobic ways but we can at least try to contravene. Over the years there has been a lot of valid criticism against porn, especially from women, and, frankly, I think it's done some good. For example, I've always liked lesbian porn but in comparison to what it was once was, things are much better now.

So, when you read something a "man" said your friend and it makes you feel like this:

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And you know your friend might be feelling like this as a result:

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Continue to show her and all your women friends that it's really all about this:

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And the above can be equally true for your social friends as well as anyone you have a more intimate relationship with on whatever level that is.

So, to all the good men of XHamster, regardless of your profile style, content, orientation, keep up the great work! So many of you are doing really good things to create the sexy, fun, safe-for-women social space here.

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You guys rock!
Talking Heads - The Great Curve:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW1IqW6kNdU

Anthony

Song lyrics here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/talking+heads/the+great+curve_20135084.html

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A world of light...she's gonna open our eyes up
A world of light...she's gonna open our eyes up
She's gonna hold/it move/it hold it/move it hold/it move it hold/
It move it
A world of light...she's gonna open out eyes up:

Published by anthony_weston

11 years ago

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anthony_weston Publisher 10 years ago

to hk55 : No, no, no, you are not a zombie, at least I hope not. For me, that category was for the really, truly dangerous types. I have no objection to someone keeping more than one profile, or a back-up profile. I've been tempted to just chuck it all a few times but I keep finding good people here and so I've gotten better and ignoring the badness and focusing on the positive. Thank you for your comment. If I revisit that blog it will be to share thoughts about how the different kinds of profiles work and don't work together and how to negotiate all of that.

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to anthony_weston : Do you have an undead category?
I'm one of them.
I mean, I erased several times my account then I came back, everytime changing my behaviour,
adding or erasing friends, I have a "rescue" profile and it's out of the rules, but I experimemnted
site crashes and I prefer to mantain it.
Am I a zombie?
No, please, don't answer, I prefer to have the illusion to be a vampire, even a Nosferatu is better
than a zombie.
Ah,ah!
I was on your profile to send you a link, then I seen the title of this post.

http://xhamster.com/user/hk55/posts/259089.html

don't forget to visit my real about me

http://xhamster.com/user/hk55/posts/248028.html

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anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to goodlovingky : You're most welcome. Please help others get it, too. We'll all be better off.

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goodlovingky 11 years ago

Well said! Thanks for posting this.

anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to anthony_weston : You = your, etc. typonese spoken here.

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anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to WonderWoman22 : So well said. The LCD factor is really true. In another blog I put up, I tried to identify the kinds of problem users and settled on these -- Newbies, Troglodytes, Goats, Trolls and Zombies. I did that blog to help me sort things out. Also, another guy was doing a "project" I didn't particularly like. Good intent, bad method. I tired to help him sort things out, He told me I was being "negative" and defriended me.

Anyway, I came up with those general categories. Newbies and Trogs can be OK if sometimes annoying, mostly they just need to trained and assisted. Goats are mean and should be blocked (man, woman or other), Trolls will try all kinds of things (multiple profiles "trollfiles") including trying to cross lines and generally mess things up for people, especially targeted are women -- LCD kicking in there. Trolls can be dangerous if they are actually trying to pull of some sort of con-game. The Zombies are the really dangerous ones. I've not run into any Zombies but I'm guessing there are some here. So, yes, given where we find ourselves, free site (@YAY!2 for that), it is difficult. I totally commiserate with you about dealing with all you must put up with. I promise to do my very best! to keep things positive. In fact, I think for a lot of the Tops and Doms here (all genders, etc), we seem to have more or less collectively decided, informally, to enforce positive vibes. Naturally, there will be conflicts and since we play with fire (BDSM check-list items), we may virtually see and hear things outsiders or novices might misunderstand. Shurg. It's always been like that. But, over time, we do get to know people by talking in these more reserved spaces -- meaning our comments around videos, blogs, etc. Oh, and I hope it goes without saying that all those good things any of the Tops or Doms bring can be equally, and often better, brought by anyone regardless of how she may identify. We're all this equally together. Your great profile is such a perfect example of that latter point.

So, anyway, when was the last time you made "ice box cake." You take Nabisco Famous Chocolate Wafers and fresh whipped cream (it must be real cream only, no cool whip). You alternate layers -- chocolate wafer, cream, wafer, cream, wafer, cream.. You make a delicious log and then cover the entire thing with the delicious whipped cream and then with wax paper. Put it in the frig. "the ice box" and the cream infuses into the wafers and they expand and become cake-like. You slice on the diagonal making for a very attractive plate. Delicous. Top with shaved chocolate.

This huge digression is a Happy-Valentine's-Day-chocolate-whipped-cream-ice-box-cake-hug message to my new friend.

Thanks for you excellent comment, Princess.

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WonderWoman22 11 years ago

You left out the lowest common denominator theory as well. Porn sites seem to cull from the masses, there are paid sites that by virtue if needing a credit card tend to ween the crowd a bit...this site is free (YAY!) , so it has no filter at all.. Some men here are fantastic, others are the shit that sinks to the bottom of the bowl...I only interact with the cream that float to the top.

anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to kittkatt24 : That's really sweet and you're a good friend, too. You know, however, you remind me that I need to edit a bit more here. There's so many examples of the bad -- and I'm glad they are there, believe me. Some of the things I've read posted to people I know a bit, and like are just beyond belief but there is push-back against it and I just wanted to acknowledge it and maybe the idea will kind of "catch on" -- I know...but even if it's impossible, sometimes you just have to do it anyway.

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kittkatt24 11 years ago

Love this Anthony, it is men like you that make this site worth staying on. I am blessed to call you and have you as a my friend and this is a testament to all my other male friends on my page who have shown me much respect!

anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to mike0207 : I agree and very well said. It's a key issue. Mike, you also likely, like me, have a bunch of profiles on your feeds and see some of the very wild status messages some of the "Female" profiles run. So, there is where I'm a bit forgiving. But, still, it's so clear from the profiles what someone is about and then you can respond accordingly. It's too bad the guys don't get that because if they just read a bit and put a little effort into things they'd wind up being able to do and enjoy a lot more of what they might want and in a good way. Thanks for a very good comment, Mike.

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mike0207 11 years ago

I think that lots of men once they see the term Porn site confuse it with being in a porn movie. A fantasy world they step into and they think they have to talk that way too.Perhaps they expect all the women to be pornstars here on Xhamster.
It's probably difficult to separate fantasy from reality for them. Luckily the good men do realise we are mostly just average people and talk to women(& men) like we would in real life.

I remember that I taped and wrote down the song Road to nowhere from the Talking Heads and played it on piano.We still had casette tapes then(back in the days of the dinosaurs)LOL

anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

Very deep comment, Val. Let me ponder that one a bit. It's nearly 1:30 a.m my time and the end of long, cold week. Some of the thigs you're saying here closely mirror a conversation I was recently having with a real life friend. Let me put a "to be continued" on this.

anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to DanielPortenio : Thanks, I see good comments from you very often. Glad to hear form you. Very good of you to take the time to comment here.

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anthony_weston Publisher 11 years ago

to Leaflee : I hate thinking about you having to get nastygrams from anyone. It's just the downside of the XH for a lot of women. At least there is the option of having "friends only" and restricting your PMs in various ways. I'm glad you make it work for yourself.

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Anthony! First, thank you for your insightful post! I am often stunned by what some men say here and am reminded of that old adage..."Always, before hitting the Send button, re read what you have written. Would you want to receive that from someone? Read it again and then decide". This goes for any correspondence sent through the airways...whether social or work related. If somebody sends me a nastygram, I read it and wonder...hmmm? 9 out of 10 times the person will apologize realizing how it sounded. I have a very big heart and usually accept the apology because I believe in forgive and forget and move on! That being said, I do tend to respond to and enjoy the relationships with the polite sweethearts here, like you! You "Good Men" keep us "Good Women" enjoying Xhamster! Thank you!

UWillCum 11 years ago

Very good post Anthony. I agree 100%

DanielPortenio 11 years ago

I share your view, Anthony.