Funny Sayings in English for any occasion

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
William Castle

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Everyone has photographic memory, some just don't have the film.

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I am not a vegetarian because I love a****ls. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I Love you, you Love me, we can make a family!

In God we trust, all others must pay cash.

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay and you never get anything back.
Al Bundy

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself.
Rita Mae Brown

Love is a name, sex is a game, forget the name and play the game.

Nobody is perfect. My name is nobody.

Roses are red, violetts are blue, god made me beautiful, but what happend to you?

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
Nicholas Chamfort

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. Robert Graves

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try!
Homer Simpson



Published by bushido84
11 years ago
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15
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kinkyoone
kinkyoone 2 years ago
love this!!!!!
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Leg_fan100 3 years ago
Nice!
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divedog1960 3 years ago
Very Good
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Big38Ffan
These are great..LOL
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Tokumane
Tokumane 4 years ago
Great way to see things---
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bushido84
bushido84 Publisher 6 years ago
to whitegwad : Nice!
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whitegwad
whitegwad 6 years ago
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

My fav !!!
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sdc101
sdc101 8 years ago
funny!
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bushido84
bushido84 Publisher 8 years ago
I am very glad that you like it.
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bushido84
bushido84 Publisher 9 years ago
to pauls69 : That's true and right at the same time :smile:
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modelmaker
modelmaker 9 years ago
A great list,,,I'll have to use some sometime
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snorkie1979
snorkie1979 9 years ago
Those are great really enjoyed them. Got an old one for you,If happiness is bliss, then you must be overjoyed.
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LapperOfLabia
LapperOfLabia 10 years ago
Nice!
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pauls69 10 years ago
World cup Football is game played by two teams over 90 minutes which then Germany win. Gary Lineker
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passenger69
passenger69 11 years ago
"I plan on living forever. So far, so good" That's my motto (from now on). THANKS!
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